“Al and Robin both had to unlearn their intense need to defend themselves. In each case, they realized that their defiant children had used antics to push their parents’ buttons and gain power. Both of these parents learned that they did not have to defend themselves or try to convince their children that they were right. By avoiding emotional power struggles, they did not lower themselves to the emotional level of their defiant children. The most important lesson to learn from these parents’ stories is that they gained control by giving it up.”