“A child’s survival depends on their developing a secure sense of Self, which is shaped by secure attachment, consistent attunement, and an environment of safety. Environmental failures thus impact the organization and security of the Self. In order to adapt to early environmental failure, children learn to disconnect from themselves, which leads to profound disorganization of the Self. As we will see in the next chapter, shame and self-hatred become survival-based mechanisms of disconnection, and they fuel disorganization. Children cannot recognize or tolerate that their environment is failing, because they depend on their environment for survival. Therefore, children are unable to see themselves as a good person in a bad situation. In order to protect against attachment loss and environmental failure, children internalize these failures as their own personal failures: “I must’ve done something,” or “I deserve this,” or “I am bad.” Children are left with an internal sense of badness. They identify with it. And it becomes part of their identity that they carry into adulthood. For example, many adult victims of abuse and violence blame themselves and are riddled with shame and self-hatred.”
―
The Practical Guide for Healing Developmental Trauma: Using the NeuroAffective Relational Model to Address Adverse Childhood Experiences and Resolve Complex Trauma
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