“When you're dissatisfied with an aspect of your relationship, it is critical that you say something rather than sweep it aside. But there's a difference between speaking the way most of us do in this culture and speaking in a manner that might actually get you heard. You can start by pulling your accusatory finger away from your partner's face. ... Stay on your side of the street. Don't accuse them - talk about yourself. Not "Liz, you're avoidant," but rather, "Liz, I don't feel met.”