“The catch is that this can only happen if you’ve truly relinquished the need for a deep relationship with them. And it may not happen even then. But if you can stay true to yourself, detach emotionally, and interact without expectations, you’ll be less likely to trigger your parents’ defenses against intimacy. And by giving up your healing fantasy about changing your parents, you let them be who they are. When they’re no longer under pressure to change, they may be able to treat you differently—or not. Your job is to be okay either way.”