“If I didn’t see my winter coming, then at least I have caught it in the early stages. I am just a little lost, that’s all; just a little clouded over, like my windows. I’m determined to go into it consciously, to make it a kind of practice in understanding myself better. I want to avoid making the same mistakes again. I am almost wondering whether there could be a pleasure in it, somewhere, if only I’m well enough prepared. I can feel the downturn coming; I know that baking and soup-making can’t sustain me forever. It will get worse than this: darker, leaner, lonelier. I want to lay down a bed of straw beneath me to cushion the blow when it comes. I want to make everything ready.”