“I’m allowed to be hesitant, and I’m sure as hell allowed to say “No, this isn’t for me,” or “No, I’m not ready.” But Carter stood there, begging for me to stay, to communicate, to give him a damn chance, to prove that he could be different. And instead of sitting with my fear, talking through it, I gave it wings, tied myself to it, and watched it take flight with me attached. I let it control me, and I hate that.”