“The first big problem is that even with the combat model, there's more to difficult conversations than a power imbalance, and we know it. When we peel back the superficial layer of power rules (if you think you can't win, don't engage. If you're one down, make yourself a small target. If you're one up, you win), we find a different incompatible rule: I am a good guy, and I am in the right, so if my counterpart resists me, the wrong is on his side. And the worse the conversation gets, the more likely it is that one side or the other will turn to it. We are still battling, but the rules just changed from might to right. How does that happen? How does right come into a scene that used to be determined by might? It happens when at some point, the conversation crosses a line, something new appears to be at risk, something more fundamentally important than a power position: our self respect. We are people involved in these conversations, not just entities and respective power positions.”