“Children whose paretns whithdraw when they start setting limits learn to accentuate and develop their compliant, loving, sensitive parts. At the same time, they learn to fear, distrust and hate their aggressive, truth-telling and separate parts. If someone they love pulls away when they become angry, cantankerous or experimental, children learn to hide these parts of themselves.
Parents who tell their children, "It hurts us when you're angry" make the child responsible for the emotional health of the parent. In effect, the child has just been made the parent of the parent - sometimes at two or three years old. It's far, far better to say, "I know you're angry, but you still can't have that toy." And then take your hurt feelings to a spouse, friend or the Lord. pg. 75”