Marina
asked
Matteson Perry:
Matteson. I just started reading your book. My question concerns emotional vulnerability. How early in a relationship is it a good idea? Stuck, Marina
Matteson Perry
I think as soon as you have mutually agreed to be in a committed relationship with the person you're dating, you are by default becoming emotionally available - being in a relationship means the other person could chose to end the relationship, which would hurt. unfortunately, it's not really a choice! But what is a choice, is how soon (and how honestly) you share your feelings with your partner, which let's them see how vulnerable you are. Personally, I think the sooner you tell your partner how you feel about them and what you expect from the relationship, the better. Sometimes people are worried about "scaring someone away," but the right person won't be scared away - they'll be excited that you feel as they do. We avoid being vulnerable (or admitting vulnerability) because we're afraid of pain, but in general it's better to get the pain sooner than later - if you hide your feelings and pretend, you're just putting off the inevitable disconnection.
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