GREG SCORZO
In the mid 00s, a cousin of mine was once sexually assaulted at his daughter's birthday party by Christian fundamentalist clowns. The clowns used to ride on skateboards to different parts of Huntington Beach. They would then throw bags of human poop at the windows of adult entertainment stores.
By 2005, the Christian clown gangs found a way to perform at children's birthday parties - if they had a bone to pick with one or both of the parents. They would antagonise the kids, and then beat up the parents in front of the kids, reciting Christian rhymes about how sinners will someday pay for ruining Orange County with decadence, racism, and corruption. Then the clowns would normally hot wire one the cars and drive away, never to be seen again.
This happened to my cousin because he had a reputation for being a racist at work, and he used to make comments to the effect that all the Mexicans working for him secretly wanted to bang his hot wife. I think one of the guys who worked for him was secretly moon lighting as a Christian fundamentalist clown doing magic routines at children's birthday parties.
One day, my cousin stupidly hired some clowns for his daughter's third birthday party, and within an hour, the clowns started irritating the kids. My cousin made the even dumber mistake of punching one of the clowns, and then all the other clowns started hitting him with baseball bats, honking their horns, and spraying his screaming wife and daughter with whip cream. At some point, one of the clowns pulled down my cousin's pants and did something...
Let's just say it was not very Christian.
I used to see these clowns at the beach, back when I lived in Los Angeles. They would skateboard up and down the non-sandy areas with two ice cream cones. If they saw a pretty white girl they thought was arrogant and sinful, they'd take the ice cones and smash them in her ears, quickly skating away as the blonde boyfriend would get angry and attempt to chase the clown down the peer. Then the other clowns would encircle the boyfriend and beat him up in front of his girlfriend, who would be crying with ice cream all over her hair. Sometimes the clowns would pelt the both of them with shit instead of ice cream, while shouting verses from the Bible.
When the clowns were running away from the police, they would often stick their tongues out at the cops and make vomiting noises. I have no idea why.
To this day, I have no idea who these clowns were, or what exactly their theology was. I just remember that they hated modern society, and were deeply angry at attractive white people, porn stars, and arrogant blonde men with money. My cousin and his wife ticked all the boxes except for porn star.
The clown who sexually assaulted my cousin had a very long tongue, like Gene Simmons. It may have been a woman.
By 2005, the Christian clown gangs found a way to perform at children's birthday parties - if they had a bone to pick with one or both of the parents. They would antagonise the kids, and then beat up the parents in front of the kids, reciting Christian rhymes about how sinners will someday pay for ruining Orange County with decadence, racism, and corruption. Then the clowns would normally hot wire one the cars and drive away, never to be seen again.
This happened to my cousin because he had a reputation for being a racist at work, and he used to make comments to the effect that all the Mexicans working for him secretly wanted to bang his hot wife. I think one of the guys who worked for him was secretly moon lighting as a Christian fundamentalist clown doing magic routines at children's birthday parties.
One day, my cousin stupidly hired some clowns for his daughter's third birthday party, and within an hour, the clowns started irritating the kids. My cousin made the even dumber mistake of punching one of the clowns, and then all the other clowns started hitting him with baseball bats, honking their horns, and spraying his screaming wife and daughter with whip cream. At some point, one of the clowns pulled down my cousin's pants and did something...
Let's just say it was not very Christian.
I used to see these clowns at the beach, back when I lived in Los Angeles. They would skateboard up and down the non-sandy areas with two ice cream cones. If they saw a pretty white girl they thought was arrogant and sinful, they'd take the ice cones and smash them in her ears, quickly skating away as the blonde boyfriend would get angry and attempt to chase the clown down the peer. Then the other clowns would encircle the boyfriend and beat him up in front of his girlfriend, who would be crying with ice cream all over her hair. Sometimes the clowns would pelt the both of them with shit instead of ice cream, while shouting verses from the Bible.
When the clowns were running away from the police, they would often stick their tongues out at the cops and make vomiting noises. I have no idea why.
To this day, I have no idea who these clowns were, or what exactly their theology was. I just remember that they hated modern society, and were deeply angry at attractive white people, porn stars, and arrogant blonde men with money. My cousin and his wife ticked all the boxes except for porn star.
The clown who sexually assaulted my cousin had a very long tongue, like Gene Simmons. It may have been a woman.
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