K.D. Edwards
A year or so ago, I was sitting outside my coffee shop, and needed to run to the bathroom. On my way in, I realize my phone wasn't with me -- and I'd just looked at it about 1 minute before. By the time I got back to my seat outside, someone had already stolen it.
Worse, they turned the phone off IMMEDIATELY so that I couldn't track it. But I waited, read up on iPhone security features, and figured out how to remotely lock and track my phone the minute it was turned on again.
WHICH IS WAS! At 12:10am that night. And it even pinpointed the location, about 10 minutes out of town, in the woods near a residential street address.
So the next morning, I put on my winter coat, which looks a little like a trenchcoat, and went off to find my phone in the woods. The first thing I pulled up at the location the GPS pointed me toward was:
1. There is indeed lots of woods around me.
2. There is also a house in the woods.
3. I am not a brave person, but I'm angry, and I've watched a lot of Scooby Doo episodes.
4. There is a pink tricycle in the front yard, and surely anyone who owns a pink tricycle wouldn't shoot me.
So I go up and ring the doorbell. After a while, I hear all sorts of whispering and hullabaloo. I knock. And I knock again. This lasts a while. And just when I realized someone might have thrown my phone out of their car window and it's sitting by the side of the road, and that I may just be causing extreme alarm to a very nice church-going family, the door opens.
The guy who answered was weightlifter-big and tattooed. He had a sleepy look on his face -- but not the sort of sleepy look that sleepy people have, it was more the sleepy look I used when I was telling my mother that no, really, I was sick, the thermometer was wrong, look how tired and sick I am.
But me? I was wearing a trenchcoat. There's a power to such things. I was not backing off.
So I start out casual. "My phone has been tracked here. I--"
And literally, literally, I am not shitting you, this gushed out of his mouth: "My wife found it, the battery was low so she turned it off, we were going to contact you, the battery was low so we didn't want it to die, I was looking for a charger, and she said something about a reward." And then a hand sticks out from behind him, holding my phone. I never get a look at the wife.
I turn it on, and notice that the battery has a 20% charge. This seemed to indicate story inconsistencies. I think about the most clever way to trap him into an admission, because, at that point, it never occurred to me that I had my phone and it was okay to just go. So I say, "The battery has a 20% charge, you picked it up and turned it off, what kind of a person DOES THAT."
And at that exact second, all the voicemails and texts I'd been missing start pinging through, so I hold the phone up and say to him, menacingly, "These are my people." I'm still not entirely sure why I said that.
The rest of the conversation is rather anticlimactic. He batted out a few weak lies and then asked about the reward again. I told him the reward is me canceling the police report. (Lie. I never filed one yet.) And then--- because it still hasn't occurred to me that it's okay to just leave -- I decide it's a good moment to unload all my grievances from the last 12 hours, and how many passwords I had to change, and how many accounts I had to disconnect, and I hope you've learned a good lesson about Apple security, Mr. Thief.
That is my mystery.
Worse, they turned the phone off IMMEDIATELY so that I couldn't track it. But I waited, read up on iPhone security features, and figured out how to remotely lock and track my phone the minute it was turned on again.
WHICH IS WAS! At 12:10am that night. And it even pinpointed the location, about 10 minutes out of town, in the woods near a residential street address.
So the next morning, I put on my winter coat, which looks a little like a trenchcoat, and went off to find my phone in the woods. The first thing I pulled up at the location the GPS pointed me toward was:
1. There is indeed lots of woods around me.
2. There is also a house in the woods.
3. I am not a brave person, but I'm angry, and I've watched a lot of Scooby Doo episodes.
4. There is a pink tricycle in the front yard, and surely anyone who owns a pink tricycle wouldn't shoot me.
So I go up and ring the doorbell. After a while, I hear all sorts of whispering and hullabaloo. I knock. And I knock again. This lasts a while. And just when I realized someone might have thrown my phone out of their car window and it's sitting by the side of the road, and that I may just be causing extreme alarm to a very nice church-going family, the door opens.
The guy who answered was weightlifter-big and tattooed. He had a sleepy look on his face -- but not the sort of sleepy look that sleepy people have, it was more the sleepy look I used when I was telling my mother that no, really, I was sick, the thermometer was wrong, look how tired and sick I am.
But me? I was wearing a trenchcoat. There's a power to such things. I was not backing off.
So I start out casual. "My phone has been tracked here. I--"
And literally, literally, I am not shitting you, this gushed out of his mouth: "My wife found it, the battery was low so she turned it off, we were going to contact you, the battery was low so we didn't want it to die, I was looking for a charger, and she said something about a reward." And then a hand sticks out from behind him, holding my phone. I never get a look at the wife.
I turn it on, and notice that the battery has a 20% charge. This seemed to indicate story inconsistencies. I think about the most clever way to trap him into an admission, because, at that point, it never occurred to me that I had my phone and it was okay to just go. So I say, "The battery has a 20% charge, you picked it up and turned it off, what kind of a person DOES THAT."
And at that exact second, all the voicemails and texts I'd been missing start pinging through, so I hold the phone up and say to him, menacingly, "These are my people." I'm still not entirely sure why I said that.
The rest of the conversation is rather anticlimactic. He batted out a few weak lies and then asked about the reward again. I told him the reward is me canceling the police report. (Lie. I never filed one yet.) And then--- because it still hasn't occurred to me that it's okay to just leave -- I decide it's a good moment to unload all my grievances from the last 12 hours, and how many passwords I had to change, and how many accounts I had to disconnect, and I hope you've learned a good lesson about Apple security, Mr. Thief.
That is my mystery.
More Answered Questions
Spracherwerb
asked
K.D. Edwards:
I am so in love with the world you've created. I finally managed to get my fiancée to obsess over it as well, and we're (im)patiently waiting for September for part two to arrive. I've heard that it's good for authors to pre-order new releases, is that correct? Will do so in any case. My favorite character so far is probably Lord Tower - I hope I'll get to read more scences with him in The Hanged Man.
Alexander
asked
K.D. Edwards:
This question contains spoilers…
(view spoiler)[
Hi K.D I am a huge fan! I'm still in book 1 and I already feel pained that I'd have to wait years to read the entire NONOLOGY 😂. I want to know in which book the reason for the destruction of the sun court and rune's assault becomes apparent? I suspect that the identity of the 9 men will be slowly revealed over the course of the 9 books but I am talking about the reason behind it all.
(hide spoiler)]
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