Mick Guinn answers “Tobbias writes: "One morning I woke up to...”

TaylorT asked this question about This Boy's Life:

Tobbias writes: "One morning I woke up to this man embracing me and making declarations of love. I got him out of the apartment and called my father who told me to "shoot the bastard'" (283). This part startled me. Toby is in his teens alone and man starts practically stalking him. Why did Toby put this in the book? Does it have any meaning that I'm missing? Maybe describing the bad conditions of his father's home.

Mick Guinn I'm just going to speculate here, because it's an interesting question, but while Tobias is 15 years older than me, we had some similar experiences in…moreI'm just going to speculate here, because it's an interesting question, but while Tobias is 15 years older than me, we had some similar experiences in the search for male mentorship. There is even the sense that a bad male mentor (Dwight) is better than none, as Wolff's mother seems to indicate.

For me, Wolff’s brief reference to this event is telling for a couple of reasons (at least for me).

Homosexuality was thought to be one of the scariest aspects of boyhood in growing up. I remember clearly worrying, once we understood what it was in our early teens, that we'd turn gay. There was little enlightened thought on this topic in the 70s among boys. On top of that, it's statistically very common for younger boys as they're coming of age to begin to play with each other in sexual ways. Jack has this experience, brief though it may be, when he kisses Arthur presumably out of curiosity.

"One night he kissed me, or I kissed him, or we kissed each other. It surprised us both. After that, whenever we felt particularly close, we turned on each other."

If Wolff’s experience was in any way similar to my own, he probably felt shame and fear about these early innocent and natural explorations that happened before it was clear this was a very “wrong” or “unmanly” thing for boys to do. The sins of the 12 year old come back to haunt the 15-year old.

Arthur being called a “sissy” out loud is also a “fighting word.” For me, he validates the culture at the time that this was about as bad a thing as you could call another boy. If you didn’t fight about it, you were basically acknowledging it must be true. Wolff never says whether Arthur grows up and eventually comes out as a gay man, but I think it’s implied, especially as he writes about how Arthur treats his “girlfriend.”

As to my own experience of pulling away from my father as he fell down repeatedly from his job of parenting after my mother left him, I found myself in more risky situations than I might have been. I was out more at night and just starting to enjoy beer and pot. I was out at night with or without his knowledge and I found myself with older teenagers and some men. I recall quite clearly being the target of men who would “come on” to me. Whether it was flirtatious talk laden with innuendo, or an actual hand on the thigh, it was pretty scary when I stupidly realized what was happening. I’d wager that my experience is not wholly uncommon for a lot of boys becoming men.

When the incident in question occurs, Wolff is older, but still a boy who has yet again been abandoned by the older, presumedly wiser men. Geoffrey, his 6 year older brother is gone, and his birthfather has abandoned him. Blood abandons. When this friend they leave him with makes a move on Tobias, it’s just another betrayal from a man in power. It’s a different kind of betrayal, but just as powerful in its own way.

I think Wolff includes this incident to both indicate another abandonment by family (everyone in his family abandoned him, including his mother to the sadist Dwight), another betrayal of trust from a guardian (in this case sexual assault rather than being beaten up), and cadence of sorts to his relationship with the guy who should have been his best friend for life, Arthur Gayle. One wonders if “Gayle” is really Arthur’s last name, or Wolff used it to confirm our suspicions about his sexual preference.

Great question. Not sure if my musings are correct, but it was good think more deeply about this moment that did sort of fly by.

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