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Call Me by Your Name,
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Joel Sink
I took it in a very personal way... the first time I had sex with another guy, I was overwhelmed with emotions... embarrassment, regret, fear. For me it was 1982. I knew I was gay, I knew I wanted to have sex with him, but the wave of emotions was almost unbearable. As a gay man coming of age in that time period you had to make peace with what you wanted and how that would affect your life. Your parents, friends... future. There were no real role models at the time so it was very scary to step out on that ledge and say “yes, I’m gay... I have sex with men”. Elio was from an educated, liberal family but a 17 year old is still going to do the work to make peace with it.
Chase
I agree with the comments below, but I also think it was his flip of a switch (as it often is) to realize how deeply he cared for Oliver and how real those emotions were. They were all fantasy to some degree until then and with sex comes an physical attachment to those intangible emotions. He then had to accept that him losing Oliver would be more painful than he was prepared for, even more painful than he fantasized.
Oliver knew this the whole time--having had a first love lost one would imagine--which is why I think he resisted until he couldn't any longer in that moment. Hence his comments of not wanting to "break" Elio. Which inevitably happens in a far more painful way for Elio than for Oliver.
Oliver knew this the whole time--having had a first love lost one would imagine--which is why I think he resisted until he couldn't any longer in that moment. Hence his comments of not wanting to "break" Elio. Which inevitably happens in a far more painful way for Elio than for Oliver.
Ten Thousand
Elio had had sex with Marzia and Oliver on the same day. That must have been very confusing for Elio. He had this undeniable physical and mental pull to be with Oliver, but life isn't lived in a bubble so he was also finding things out with Marzia. But why oh why did he have sex with Marzia after getting the note back from Oliver that he would see him at midnight? That was a deliberate set of choices he made. I think it all just makes him a very complicated young man trying to figure out his place in life, yet still open to many paths. Meanwhile, Oliver doesn't have the same freedoms as Elio which puts them into the "star crossed lovers" category. It's just that they don't die, but they have to find a way to mourn and make a less passionate choice just like Elio's father.
Marc
His reaction is normal, for any boy after the first try, whether with a girl or a boy. On top of that, there was fear and stigma in the way of doing it with a guy in the first place, and when they'd done it, that cloud was still there, now combined with how it physically hurt a lot. So, Elio's reaction made a lot of sense to me and is another aspect of the book that sets it apart, making it special, how it isn't not just a formula love story.
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