Depression: Looking up from the Stubborn Darkness

by Edward T. Welch

Beginning with Abraham, God has called people to leave a familiar place, set out in a new direction, put the past behind, face unknown hazards, get to a point of desperation, call out for help, and look forward to something (or someone) better.

We understand these pilgrimages only dully and darkly so long as the pilgrimage still lasts. But when the soul has returned to its rest, that is, to the homeland of paradise, it will be taught more truly and will understand more truly the meaning of what the pilgrimage was.1

W. Hulme and L. Hulme, Wrestling with Depression: A Spiritual Guide to Reclaiming Life (Minneapolis: Augsburg, 1995), 22.

Ignore them and they will just call back later. There are times when depression is saying something and we must listen.

God really does speak in our suffering, and we have good reason to believe that the words he says are good and powerful enough to lighten our pain.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2–4)

whatever the cause, depression will test our faith and serve as a catalyst for growth rather than a reason for despair.

Any prolonged suffering can become an occasion to question the goodness of God. As soon as that question

comes, Satan sits down next to us and tries to confirm our suspicions.

depression might have a physical cause, but that doesn’t exhaust the list of other possible contributions. It may simultaneously be a consequence of spiritual warfare, the sin of other people, our own sins, or mistaken beliefs about God or ourselves.

The reason Scripture doesn’t give clear guidelines for assigning responsibility is that it is not essential for us to know precise causes. This is good news: you don’t have to know the exact cause of suffering in order to find hope and comfort.

So we might uncover some of the reasons for our suffering, but we might never find them all. There is a mystery in suffering, just as there is ultimate mystery at the end of all human investigations.

Instead of teaching us how to identify the causes of suffering, Scripture directs us to the God who knows all things and is fully trustworthy. In other words, Scripture doesn’t give us knowledge so that we will have intellectual mastery of certain events; it gives us knowledge so that we would know and trust God. “God, I don’t know what you are doing, but you do, and that is enough.” Somehow, turning to God and trusting him with the mysteries of suffering is the answer to the problem of suffering.

Therefore, depression, regardless of the causes, is a time to answer the deepest and most important of all questions: Whom will I trust? Whom will I worship?

In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering. (Heb 2:10)

Suffering is part of the path that leads to glory and beauty. “He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him” (Ps. 126:6). Suffering has a purpose. It is changing us so that we look more and more like Jesus himself. “When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.”4 But that death is not the end of the story.

God is good and he is generous.

You must do battle at this point with depression’s tendencies toward passivity. Don’t wait to have faith inserted into your heart. Seek the Lord. If there is any guarantee in Scripture, it is that he will reveal more and more of himself to those who seek him. Read the great prayers of Scripture (Eph. 1:17–23; 3:14–19), and make them your own.

If you are depressed, aspire to be a liturgical worshipper.

If you wait until you feel motivated to worship, you might be waiting a long time. If you are remotely inclined to communicate with God, you might find that words fail and you have nothing to say.

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? (Ps. 13:1)

sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me. I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God. (Ps. 69:2–3)

My soul is full of trouble and my life draws near the grave. . . . You have put me in the lowest pit, in the darkest depths. . . . But I cry to you for help, O Lord; in the morning my prayer comes before you. Why, O Lord, do you reject me and hide your face from me? (Ps. 88:3, 6, 13–14)

What these psalms do is straighten the trajectory of our lives. Using the words he gives us, God gently turns our hearts toward him. Instead of everything bending back into ourselves, we are able to look straight, outside of ourselves, and fix our eyes on Jesus (Heb. 12:2). Keep this pattern in mind. It is the path of hope. The fact that all your thoughts turn back on yourself is oppressive. The self cannot carry the load. The way we were intended to function was to be able to look outward, toward God and other people. As you say the Psalms and remember that Jesus said them first, you will gradually find your focus changing.

Psalm 22 begins

Hope, as you will find, is a skill that takes practice. There is no verse, pill, or possession that will make it magically appear. Reciting psalms that you have claimed as your own is part of that practice.

Feelings don’t define faith. Instead, faith is simply turning to the Lord. When you speak the psalms, you are “doing” faith. And remember that faith is the work of the Spirit of God in our hearts. As such, if you can speak psalms, God is near. With this in mind, persevere. Don’t just speak the prayers so that your depression can lift. Speak them because they are true and because they are evidence of Christ at work in you. Speak them often.

I have posted watchmen on your walls, O Jerusalem; they will never be silent day or night. You who call on the Lord, give yourselves no rest, and give him no rest till he establishes Jerusalem and makes her the praise of the earth. (Isa. 62:6–7)

Faith is not the presence of warm religious feeling. It’s the knowledge that you walk before the God who hears. Read Psalm 88. Notice how it ends with “darkness is my closest friend.” We don’t think of this as an expression of faith, but, when you say it to the God who hears it, it is heroic faith.

How much more will Satan pursue mere mortals when they go through the emotionally arid experience of depression? The Bible depicts him as a lion, lurking in the tall grass, patiently waiting to devour those who are susceptible (1 Pet. 5:8).

You might be loyal to beliefs that are wrong but highly resistant to change. For example, since you feel like you are a burden to your family and you feel like they would be better off without you, you believe that is the truth. All their protests and expressions of love will not persuade you to change your mind. If you feel that God has abandoned you, then you believe that he actually has. Nothing will persuade you otherwise. In other words, feelings can lie.

Do you believe that you have no reason to live? If so, you are believing Satan’s lie that you belong only to yourself. The truth is that you belong to God and you have a God-given purpose. Furthermore, the cross of Christ reveals that God’s purposes for your life are good.

The truth is that your relationship with God is absolutely necessary, especially now. Your life depends on it.

Satan is saying, “Can God’s words really be trusted?” “Is God really good?” “Perhaps he is just holding out on you.” “Perhaps he is stingy.” With these questions and accusations, he has all the firepower he needs. Most spiritual warfare consists of minor variations on these age-old assaults.

So if you suspect that you are vulnerable to Satan’s lies—and, if you are depressed, just assume you are—rephrase those lies and see that they are more about God than they are about you.

For example, “I am worthless” could be reinterpreted as, “God has not given me the success I desired; therefore, ...

“I can’t go on” becomes “I don’t believe that God hears or is powerful enough to work through human weakness.”

Remember that you have an enemy. Follow the lead of wise people who begin each day by actually saying, “Today, I must be alert that I have an enemy.”

Assume that warfare rages.

Don’t think that your case is unique.

This lie immediately renders all counsel irrelevant because no one understands and no advice applies. The result is that the aloneness you already experience is now an established fact, and you are given ever more permission to despair. No one is immune from this

Your goal isn’t to overcome it; your goal is to engage it with a growing knowledge of Jesus Christ.

Know Christ. Satan’s energies zero in on one point: the truth about Jesus. If you are growing in an accurate knowledge of Jesus Christ, you are winning the battle. If you are not, you are losing ground daily.

The cross is the evidence that Christ’s love is much more than good intentions or compassion without action. It shows us that Christ’s love was a holy love that surpasses our understanding. If we are angry that God allows depression in our lives, we should be reminded that his love is much more sophisticated than we know. Our anger shows that we are small children who think we know what is best.

We once thought that suffering was to be avoided at all costs; now we must understand that the path to becoming more like Jesus goes through hardship, and it is much better than the path of brief and superficial comfort without Jesus.

Humble yourself before the Lord. When you are depressed, you feel like you can’t be any lower. But an appropriate and strengthening response to the love of Christ is humility. Humility is different from feeling low. It is lowering ourselves before God and accepting his sovereign will.

Consider your response to spiritual warfare. Do you believe it is happening? If so, you are on the right path. The Spirit is at work in your life. Now take some small steps to engage in the struggle. Consider reading Job 38—42. The questions might seem harsh, but realize that this is the way Hebrew fathers taught their children. The context is love.

There are ways that you will know Jesus in your suffering that are unique and profound.

Don’t forget that depression casts its shadow on everything, even faith. As a result, faith won’t feel jubilant. But that doesn’t mean you don’t or can’t believe. That is your job. Jesus said, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent” (John 6:29). Say, “Amen” when someone speaks the truth to you. Begin your day with “Yes, Lord, I believe,” however weak your faith may be.

This is a battle. If you want change, you must be willing to take yourself to task.