Depression: Looking up from the Stubborn Darkness

by Edward T. Welch

we are given the Holy Spirit, who testifies as an eyewitness and continually points us to Christ.

For the wise, however, remembering is essential to the human soul. It is part of that forsaken art of meditating. It is critical to the process of change and a prominent means of doing spiritual battle.

Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord; O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy. If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared. I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning. O Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption. He himself will redeem Israel from all their sins. (Ps. 130)

Deliverance comes, but, as is God’s custom, it comes in a way we couldn’t have predicted. To

The psalmist is given what appears to be a flimsy lifeline: his God is the one who forgives sins.

On the hierarchy of needs, physical survival seems more basic than spiritual encouragement. But

He is, without apology, presenting forgiveness of sins as the deepest answer of all. From his perspective, with forgiveness of sins he has hit the mother lode.

In fact, to really be led by the psalm, we must realize that sin is our deepest problem, even deeper than our depression.

when we see sin in ourselves it is a good thing. It is good on two counts. First, sin might feel natural, but we were originally created to live without it. True humanness—blessed humanness—is sinless humanness. Of course, on this side of heaven perfection is impossible, but as we battle with sin we get tastes of how we were intended to live.

Second, when we see sin, it is evidence that God is close. It is the Holy Spirit who reveals sin (John 16:8).

If you see it, have hope—the Holy Spirit is at work in your life. It is tangible...

we don’t always realize that sin is conscious rebellion against God. We don’t immediately see that every command arises out of God’s character, and each violation dishonors him. The entire process is much more covert.

Although we may go through a day without other people actually seeing our sin, we can’t go through an hour without sinning at the level of our thoughts and imaginations. It is there, at the level of the human heart, that you will find selfishness, pride, a desire to be loved rather than love, anger and lack of forgiveness, jealousy, complaining, grumbling, and thanklessness to the God who forgives. All these might be hidden from everyone else, but they are apparent to God.

list ways you presently sin against God.

Start with the obvious ones: you don’t love deeply from the heart; you are concerned with your own success more than God and his kingdom;

The psalmist knew that his sin problem was deeper and more critical than his suffering.

his God, the triune God of Scripture, did not keep a record of wrongs for all those who turned to him.

Therefore, the psalmist stood in awe. He could not comprehend such love, but he was thankful for it.

If we, in our misery, are absolutely persuaded of God’s love, we will be confident that he will deliver us. Therefore, we hope in him.

We can wait as long as it takes because we are sure that he hears us and loves us. He will come. He will deliver. In fact, he is on the move right now. God’s love inspires both an eagerness to be with him and a confidence that he is true to his word, so we know he will come. It is these two—eagerness and confidence—that combine to form hope.

When love is involved, time moves at a d...

Contrast this with what feels like the never-ending present-tense of suffering with depression: relief will never come, sleep will never come, the morning will never come. The reality is that we are the watchmen on the last watch of the night. It is 4:30 a.m. We have seen the sunrise many times, and we are eager for it and confident it will come. What is the sunrise we are waiting for? In Psalm 130, the morning sun is a person. In that person are many benefits such as healing, deliverance, and love, but, make no mistake, it is a person. We wait for him more than for his gifts.

To move from the depths to a confident hope takes practice. Consider this psalm a condensed version of a long learning process.

God has determined that many good things come through perseverance.

So don’t expect hope to happen

Hope is both a gift from God and a skill he enables us to attain. The point is that you can have the psalmist’s hope.

“If I, an Old Testament psalmist who hasn’t seen the coming of Jesus, can speak with this kind of hope, how much more can you, who have witnessed the cross—the unmistakable evidence of forgiveness of sins?”

Granted, this may still seem like an impossible dream, but remember that God himself is giving you this psalm. He is rewriting your story. You might feel like you are doing very well to repeat the cries of the first two verses, but the Spirit of God wants you to have the entire story.

You feel like you have no purpose. Think of what it would be like to be an ambassador of hope to hopeless people. Those who have struggled with depression are especially credible because of their suffering; their hope is tried and genuine. When you speak hope to another, it is persuasive and attractive.

Now is a time to force-feed. Your spiritual health depends on it.

You are not accustomed to doing something without feeling like doing

You, however, can override your instincts. You can act out of wisdom and faith.

Depression feels like a state of not-thinking, but it is also a place of insight because you see that the stage was really just a stage. What seemed meaningful and real a few years ago has turned out to be a façade. Pleasures were fleeting. Nothing lasted. Marriage became stale.

Depression says, “You will not find meaning in what you are doing,” and depression is right. What it doesn’t tell you is, “Keep looking, you will find it. You are a creature with a royal purpose.” For this, you need to listen to others who have gone this way before. They urge you to continue and point the way. Fear

When you observe life and listen to wise people, you will quickly find that it is not about us, which hurts our pride but is a welcome relief. We simply can’t invest our hopes, dreams, and love in the self because it was never intended to carry such freight. For that matter, there is nothing created that was intended to sustain such hopes. Creation is to be enjoyed, but we don’t put our trust in it. The only alternative is God himself.

Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. (Eccles. 12:13)

Don’t be put off by the word “fear” in “fear God.” It is a more expansive word in Scripture than our idea of being afraid of someone. It includes awe, honor, reverence, and worship.

We fear God because he is God. He is not tame and domesticated like we sometimes make him out to be.

The fear of God is how we respond to the fact that God is greater than we are—different from us—in all things. His beauty is greater. His wisdom is greater. His love is greater. And, yes, his anger is greater. Simply put, he is God and we are not.

Fearing God and keeping his commandments brings a certain simplicity to life. He is the Creator; we are the creatures. We belong to him. When he directs us, we follow. We come before

him and say, “And how do you want me to live today?” The psalmist goes so far as to say that his affliction was valuable because it taught him more about keeping God’s commandments, which was his delight (Ps. 119:71).

Every command in Scripture is a purpose statement. We are servants of the exalted king. When he speaks to us and tells us what to do, that becomes our purpose. Our purpose is to live for his purposes.

How can you keep God’s commands today? Look for someone to love.

“Fight the spiritual battles that accompany depression so that you can love other people.”

The language varies: fear the Lord, trust him, love him, walk humbly with him, or believe in him. Then we express this commitment to the Lord by obeying his commandments, the summary of which is love. This is the true foundation for human life. Apart from it, life is meaningless.

If you think that this is passé or irrelevant, you are revealing your purpose: to be rid of depression. That, of course, is worthwhile, but don’t elevate it to your purpose in life.

You can grow, day to day, with the Spirit of God energizing you, making this more and more of the purpose of your life. As you do, you will be changed.

To glorify God means to have our lives make him obvious and beautiful. We want him to be famous. We want to draw attention to the glorious God who loved us, and we do that by trusting him and loving others.

What is the chief end of man? Man’s chief end is to glorify God and enjoy him forever.3 They are right. This is our purpose. It is not about us; it is about God and his purposes. What could be bigger and grander than that? This is no little scrap of meaning.

The answer is that Jesus Christ has been crucified and he has risen from the dead. You couldn’t find a more complete answer. In it you find that you are called, forgiven, adopted into a new family, given gifts, given a mission, given a future. You are given love, and this love is so extreme it will take you all eternity to begin to understand it.