What Got You Here Won't Get You There: How successful people become even more successful

by Marshall Goldsmith

You’ve identified the interpersonal habit that’s holding you back. You’ve apologized for whatever errant behavior has annoyed the people who matter to you at work or at home. You’ve said, ‘I’m sorry. I’ll try to do better.’ And they’ve accepted that. You’ve continued to advertise your intention to change your ways. You’ve remained in steady contact with the people who matter, regularly reminding them that you’re trying to do better. You do this by bringing up your objectives and asking point-blank, ‘How am I doing?’ You have also mastered the essential skills of listening and thanking. You can now listen to people’s answers to your questions without judging, interrupting, disputing, or denying them. You do this by keeping your mouth shut except to say, ‘Thank you.’ You’ve also learned how to be more diligent about follow-up, seeing the process as part of an ongoing, never-ending advertising campaign to (a) find out from others if you are, in fact, getting better and (b) remind people that you’re still trying, still trying. With these skills, now you’re ready for feedforward.