Washington: A Life

by Ron Chernow

At twenty-three, Mary was already slightly old for marriage,

Calm tf down

the Half King stepped forward, split open his head with a hatchet, then dipped his hands into the skull, rinsed them with the victim’s brains, and scalped him.

YIKEYSSSSS

St. George Tucker noticed dozens of dead horses bobbing in the water. Having run short of forage, the British had shot the animals and dumped them in the river, crowding the water with four hundred carcasses.

Nope.

Stuffed in airless spaces belowdecks, they had been wedged together in vermin-infested holds slick with human excrement and forced to eat worm-infested rations or devour their own body lice.

STOP PLS

One unspoken trick he used to deter unwanted visitors was to post inadequate signs indicating the way to his house,

Ok this is lols though

Even more time-consuming were the reams of mail that arrived daily, badgering him for recommendations, referrals, and answers to war-related queries. Feeding this flood tide of correspondence was a well-meant congressional decision to exempt from postage all mail to and from Washington.

Ugh torture

Despite his unstinting admiration for Washington, Lear expressed one reservation about working at Mount Vernon: he abhorred slavery. Only when Washington declared his ultimate intention to free his slaves and said they would meanwhile be better off under his tutelage than anywhere else did Lear relent.

Okurrrrrrr

With strangers or acquaintances, he addressed letters to “Sir.” As he warmed up, he wrote to them as “Dear Sir,” and when he grew very close, they were favored with “My Dear Sir.”

Nice

Washington expressed displeasure with people less often with open rebukes than with the silent treatment, a sudden chill in the air,

Grow up George