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“Nothing. Don’t get me wrong. I love Ethan, but my real husband is nowhere near as thoughtful as your fake boyfriend.”
A beat passes between us before hesitantly, Indy slips her hand back in mine. It’s soft and small, and I close my fingers around hers before she can leave me again.
“You’re chaotic as fuck, Blue, but you bring me more peace than anyone else.” She stops her giggling. “Yes, I worry about you and that stresses me out. And you’ve practically shit a rainbow all over my apartment which almost gave me an ulcer, but when you’re home I don’t feel like I have to put on a show. I have a hard time with new people. I’m sure you know that by now. But with you, I can be myself, and that might seem like nothing to anyone else, but to me, it’s everything.”
“And you’re probably mentally agreeing with me, but you’re wrong. One day, you’ll see it.”
Fuck me, I want her, and even though she’s made it clear she’s got nothing left to give, I find myself desperate to take even the scraps if they’re offered.
“Get your fucking hands off her.” Ryan shoves Connor. “Fuck you! You could've hurt her.”
“I like having you sitting so close.”
Before I can think any further, his palms cup my face, long fingers threading into my ponytail, and his lips are on mine.
“Kind. Chaotic. A bit of a smartass and too charming for your own good.” Oh, wow. I like that answer much more than the one I was expecting, but I divert because his response is far too detailed and knowing of who I am. “So, you don’t think I’m pretty, then.” He chuckles. “Indy, I’m not blind, but even if I were, I’m pretty sure I could touch your face and understand just how fucking stunning you are, but it’s not the first thing I see anymore.”
Was it as fake as I claimed? Not in the slightest. As I told her, I don’t feel comfortable faking intimacy, so I didn’t. My body was boiling when I saw her standing with him outside the arena. I knew who he was the second my eyes landed on him, and my suspicion was confirmed when I noticed the frozen yet fumbling mess that was my roommate. Her kind brown eyes were shining with unshed tears, and yeah, that pissed me off because he deserves no part of her.
But goddammit, I’ve been looking forward to her coming home all week. I even had the guy who owns her favorite flower stand down the street drop off a bouquet for her today, simply because I knew she’d be excited for a fresh one. That and because I killed the last arrangement she left me with.
want the comfort of privacy, but I want her to be with me while I have it.
As much as I tease her, I’ve found her crying, laughing, or even crossing her legs during certain scenes, and it’s beyond endearing that the love between fictional characters can bring her so much joy.
I’ve looked for any excuse to talk to him this week and I can’t blame it on being lonely. It’s because I truly enjoy talking to him more than I do most other people. I never thought my recluse roommate would become the person I most look forward to seeing, but here we are.
I hurt him. Oh my God, I hurt him.
I’ve never been kissed like this. Desperately. Longingly. As if he’s needed to do this since the day I walked into the apartment in the same way I have.
“Next time you decide you need help with your…situation,” he murmurs against my lips with an aching rasp. “Ask me.”
A content laugh rumbles in my chest. “There’s my girl.” What the fuck did I say?
“Hey, Blue, I kind of missed talking to you for three days. Let’s not do that again.” “Deal.” “Add it to the fridge. With all the other deals we’ve made.” We both stay silent for a moment, neither of us hanging up just yet. Indy clears her throat. “See you at home.” And fuck do I love the way those words sound rolling off her tongue. “See you at home.”
I laugh. “Her name is Indy, you dick.”
“Never. But then again, no one else has ever made me feel quite as greedy as you do.”
“You’re a good friend to her, Blue.” “Well, she’s a good friend to me. You could’ve told me. I could’ve helped with the party. I could’ve—” “I know. Zanders thought about asking for your help, but I told him not to. I wanted you to have fun without worrying if everyone else is too.”
My roommate isn’t an emotional man. That much is clear, but Stevie is always his exception. He loves her fiercely, and the fact he’s unguarded enough to shed a few tears for her in public, gives me hope that maybe one day, someone else will make him just as vulnerable.
“If you’re asking me if eight months is long enough to understand Alex didn’t deserve you, and maybe, just maybe there’s someone else you’re realizing might, then yes, I think eight months is eight months too long.”
shoulder, swaying with him as I watch the newly engaged couple. They light each other up, brighter than I’ve ever seen two other people shine.
“I’ve got to believe that there’s more than what I had, if you can even call that love anymore. And that’s exciting, hopeful even, to believe there’s better out there. Call me a dreamer. Call me naive, I don’t care. I call myself optimistic.” He stills us on the dance floor, feet no longer moving. His ocean eyes track every inch of my face, lingering on my lips. “There is better out there, and if anyone deserves to get everything they want in life, it’s you.” “You deserve to have your dreams come true too.” “I don’t dream, Indy. I plan, and my life is going according to that plan. I have the
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“Nah. No need to be jealous when I know what’s mine. I’m the one you’re going home with.”
“Of course, I don’t think that. You don’t have a bad bone in your body. You’re my best friend, Ind. All I want is for you to be happy. Just be careful with him, okay? He’s sensitive, even though he tries to hide it.”
“Ry.” I stop him at his door. He looks back to me, eyes desperate and begging. “Will you help me?” His head falls back, exhaling a sigh of relief. “Fucking finally.”
I didn’t lie when I said I don’t like faking intimacy. Last time my jealousy wouldn’t let me hold back from tasting her mouth with mine. I know how I feel about Indy, and fuck, I’ve wanted to kiss ever since the she first time she opened that pretty mouth and spoke, but she’s blatantly told me this is all she can give me, and the idea of getting invested in another woman who doesn’t reciprocate my intentions is terrifying.
“Yes,” I say without hesitation, and the realization that I’ve never trusted another woman more than I do Indy has me real close to finding a condom and saying fuck it to my two-year celibacy streak.
Now, I can’t think of a better weekend than holing up in the apartment with Ryan. I could talk as much as I’d like, or we could sit in comfortable silence while reading next to each other. I wouldn’t have to be anyone I’m not because Ryan likes me for me far more than Alex ever did.
“Yeah, I seem to do that quite a bit for you.”
“Okay, you can be mad at me all you want while you sleep in my bed.”
Brushing my hair away from my face, he places a soft kiss on my damp forehead. “Ryan,” I call out, stopping him in the doorway. “Why are you doing this?” “Because I like taking care of people. You, especially.” He closes the door behind him.
Ryan doesn’t make me feel like a burden. He doesn’t make me feel like I’m too much. I’ve offered him absolutely nothing other than exactly who I am, and he’s embraced every part of me, good and bad. I don’t think I fully understood that until today. “Indy,” he whispers from behind me. “What you offer in a relationship, as a friend, a woman, a partner, by simply being who you are is more than enough. And if someone can’t see that you’re everything, then it’s them who's missing out. I know you’re faithful. It’s one of my favorite things about you, but there has to be a limit. Some
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“No, Blue. I’m not faking anything.” Then I feel his fingers slip into my wet hair, separating the strands into three equal parts. “Are you braiding my hair?” “Yes.”
Alex may have drained the old me, but the real me, I have plenty left to give. And I think I’d like to give the real me to Ryan if he wants it. I think he’d treat my heart with kindness.
“Is she not? You live together. You clearly love her enough to miss out on time in the gym. I’d call that family. She’s good for you, Shay. You never would’ve skipped practice last season or any season before that.”
“Indy, I don't want to freak you out, but if it’s torn, he’s done for the season, and more than anyone I know, Ryan believes this game is all he has. Take care of him, okay?”
“I was there to see you. Believe it or not, I don’t give a shit about your boss, and I couldn’t care less who you are to anyone else. To me, you’re…well, I don’t know what you are, but you’re…important. You as a person, not the player, are important to me.”
“Can I explain it to you?”
“Oh, Ind. No, no, you’re not. I’m just teasing you about that.” I turn slightly, speaking quietly as I hold her. “I think it’s good for me, maybe. Having you here has helped me let go of some of my control.”
Until you, I want to add. Until you walked into my apartment and flipped my world on its head, unraveling every notion I had convinced myself of. Erasing every belief I once held.
“I might possibly be a little bit smitten by the blonde living in my house.”
offer her a faint smile. “Thanks, Vee.” “But you should lock it down. Have you seen that woman?” My sister teases. “The entire hockey team is in love with her.”
“Look at that love-sick motherfucker. Now he has an absolute smoke show living in his house. I want an Indy walking around my house.”
where she belongs, with me, in this apartment. And if she thinks for a second she’s moving out, she’s out of her goddamn mind.
“I love this for us, Vee. Watching your brother squirm like a love-sick puppy. Mushy motherfucker.” “Fuck you very much.”
“There’s the runaway.” “Hi.” Eyes soften. “Hi, Blue.” Zanders squeals from the couch like a teenager.
