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June 25 - June 27, 2021
LIKABILITY—“I WILL CARE ABOUT PEOPLE”
if people like you, they will listen to you, and if they don’t, they won’t.
how does a person become likable? By caring about others. People like people who like them. When others know you care, they’ll listen.
HUMILITY—“I WILL THINK OF MYSELF LESS SO I CAN THINK OF OTHERS MORE”
“Humility means knowing and using your strength for the benefit of others, on behalf of a higher purpose.” —ALAN ROSS
Rick Warren, who advises that humility comes from: Admitting our weaknesses Being patient with others’ weaknesses Being open to correction Pointing the spotlight at others
“Humility means two things. One, a capacity for self-criticism. . . . The second feature is allowing others to shine, affirming others, empowering and enabling others.” —CORNEL WEST Do that with people, and they will relate to you and listen to what you have to say.
ADAPTABILITY—“I WILL MOVE FROM MY WORLD TO THEIRS
2. ASK, “DO I SEE WHAT YOU SEE?” BEFORE ASKING, “DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE?”
others could see the future the way I see it, then we could move forward.
When Orville and Wilbur Wright succeeded in flying their plane at Kitty Hawk, North Carolina, on December 17, 1903, they sent a telegram to their sister in Dayton, Ohio, telling her of their great accomplishment. It read, “First sustained flight today fifty-nine seconds. Hope to be home by Christmas.” Their sister, excited by the news, rushed to the local newspaper office and gave the telegram to the editor so that he could report on it. The next morning, the newspaper headline that graced the paper said, “Popular Local Bicycle Merchants to be Home for Holidays!”
People can be in the same place sharing the same experience at the same time, but they can walk away from it having seen very different things. Good connectors understand this tendency and make an effort to see things from others’ point of view first.
“If I could go back to my days as a young father,” he responded, “I would work harder on seeing things through my children’s eyes.” He went on to explain that he had missed many teaching moments because he wanted his children to see what he saw first. That day I made a commitment to see through the eyes of others before I asked them to see from my perspective.
3. ASK, “DO I KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW?” BEFORE ASKING, “DO YOU KNOW WHAT I KNOW?”
Abraham Lincoln said, “When I’m getting ready to reason with a man, I spend one-third of my time thinking about myself and what I am going to say—and two-thirds thinking about him and what he is going to say.” If we want to find common ground, we would do well to do the same.
4. ASK, “DO I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT?” BEFORE ASKING, “DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT?”
“There is a great deal of difference between knowing and understanding. You can know a lot about something and not really understand it.” —CHARLES F. KETTERING
When I want to really get to know someone, I ask three questions. People’s answers to these give me great insight into someone’s heart. The questions are: What do you dream about? What do you sing about? What do you cry about?
Common ground is the place where people can discuss differences, share ideas, find solutions, and start creating something together.
CONNECTING WITH PEOPLE AT ALL LEVELS CONNECTING PRACTICE: Connectors connect on common ground. KEY CONCEPT: Know the reasons you and your listener want to communicate and build a bridge between those reasons.
Tap into this desire to connect on common ground the next time you communicate in front of an audience. Use the following pattern: Feel, Felt, Found, Find. • FEEL: Try to sense what they feel and acknowledge and validate their feelings. • FELT: Share with them that you have also felt the same way. • FOUND: Share with them what you found that has helped you. • FIND: Offer to help them find help for their lives.
The principles in my books are simple to understand. But they are not always simple to apply.” The
In his excellent book The Power of Little Words, author John Beckley, former business editor of Newsweek, observes: “The emphasis in education is rarely placed on communicating ideas simply and clearly. Instead, we’re encouraged to use more complicated words and sentence structures to show off our learning and literacy.
as leaders and communicators, our job is to bring clarity to a subject, not complexity. It doesn’t take nearly as much skill to identify a problem as it does to find a good solution. The measure of a great teacher isn’t what he or she knows; it’s what the students know. Making things simple is a skill, and it’s a necessary one if you want to connect with people when you communicate. Or to put it the way Albert Einstein did, “If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it enough.”
The measure of a great teacher isn’t what he or she knows; it’s what the students know.
what one man sees as a source of insight another man sees as a cure for insomnia.
For my needs, a quote or illustration had to fit in one or more of these four categories: Humor—something that will make people laugh Heart—something that will captivate people’s emotions Hope—something that will inspire people Help—something that will assist people in a tangible way These four things may seem simple, but they are effective.
“To be simple is to be great.” —RALPH WALDO EMERSON
Blaise Pascal once wrote, “I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it short.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson did, “To be simple is to be great.” Great communicators leave their audiences with great clarity. Bad ones more often than not leave them confused.
“3 S” strategy: Keep it Simple. Say it Slowly. Have a Smile.
3S
THE ART OF SIMPLICITY I trust that you will not be disappointed by this chapter because there’s not a lot to say about keeping things simple.
1. TALK TO PEOPLE, NOT ABOVE THEM
The direct and simple approach is usually best in all forms of communication.
Greater complexity is never the answer in communication—if your desire is to connect.
All good communicators get to the point before their listeners start asking, “What’s the point?”
Whenever I am preparing to communicate with others, whether to an audience of hundreds or with a single person, I ask myself two questions: “What do I want them to know?” and “What do I want them to do?”
During our discussion, he shared with me one of his strategies for confronting an employee who isn’t being successful. He said, “When I have someone in my company who is not doing well, I ask them two questions: first I ask, ‘Do you want to keep your job?’ That lets them know there is a problem. Second, ‘Do you want me to help you?’ That lets them know I am willing to help them.” Now, that’s getting straight to the point.
Everyone likes clarity. Even people who are not bottom-line thinkers want to know the bottom line. Good communicators give it to them.
Here are a few, along with their “real” meanings, selected for the book, Lexicon of Intentionally Ambiguous Recommendations (L.I.A.R.) by Robert Thornton: RECOMMENDATION MEANING She was always high in my opinion. She was often seen smoking a joint.
I am pleased to say that this candidate is a former colleague of mine. I can’t tell you how happy I am that he left our firm
He would always ask if there was anything he could do. We were always wondering too.
If you are communicating with others, whether you’re speaking to a child, leading a meeting, or giving a speech to a large audience, your goal should be to get to the point as soon as you have established a connection with people and to make as great an impact on others as you can with as few words as possible. Great leaders and speakers do this consistently.
Good teachers know that the fundamental law of learning is repetition. Someone once told me that people have to hear something sixteen times before they really believe it.
“The first time you say something, it’s heard. The second time, it’s recognized, and the third time, it’s learned.”
Teach.. Learn.. Repetition
“The first time you say something, it’s heard. The second time, it’s recognized, and the third time, it’s learned.”
“Tell the audience what you are going to say. Say it. Then tell them what you’ve said.”
He often crafts a message based on a single point—one big idea. And then everything he communicates informs, illustrates, or illuminates that main point.
Daniel Pink. During his talk, Daniel made the following statement: “Three words are essential to connect with others (1) brevity, (2) levity, and (3) repetition.
“Have an understanding so there won’t be a misunderstanding.” —CHARLES BLAIR
