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June 25 - June 27, 2021
When I interact with people, whether one on one, in a group, or with an audience, I know I’ve connected when I sense: EXTRA EFFORT—people go the extra mile UNSOLICITED APPRECIATION—they say positive things UNGUARDED OPENNESS—they demonstrate trust INCREASED COMMUNICATION—they express themselves more readily ENJOYABLE EXPERIENCES—they feel good about what they’re doing EMOTIONAL BONDEDNESS—they display a connection on an emotional level POSITIVE ENERGY—their emotional “batteries” are charged by being together GROWING SYNERGY—their effectiveness is greater than the sum of the contributions
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“In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say hello.”
“No matter how much work you can do, no matter how engaging your personality may be, you will not advance far in business if you cannot work through others.” That requires you to see the value that others possess.
Knowing your product but not your customers will mean having something to sell but no one to buy.
Nabi gives this advice to people in the service industry: “You have to have a service heart. You have to be prepared to serve the needs of those people you come into contact with. At all times it is to look at what it is the customer wants.
“We aren’t in the coffee business, serving people. We’re in the people business, serving coffee.” —NABI SALEH
The connection is made when they know that you are there for them—it’s all about building trust through a loving, caring relationship. You must be sincere and worthy of being followed to connect and build a relationship
Nothing can happen through you until it happens to you.
INTEGRITY—Did I do my best? EXPECTATION—Did I please my sponsor? RELEVANCE—Did I understand and relate to the audience? VALUE—Did I add value to the people? APPLICATION—Did I give people a game plan? CHANGE—Did I make a difference?
If your face is going to “talk” for you anyway, you might as well have it communicate something positive.
When you find yourself, you find your audience.
‘Great leaders win over the hearts and minds of others.’”
“The exact words that you use are far less important than the energy, intensity, and conviction with which you use them.”
People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude.
As someone observed, “People will not always remember what you said. They will not always remember what you did. But, they will always remember how you made them feel.”6
“The wisdom of the wise and the experiences of the ages may be preserved by quotations.”
Words are the currency of ideas and have the power to change the world.
Words
As Mark Twain observed, “The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter—it’s the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.”
“What you are speaks so loudly that I can’t hear what you say.” —RALPH WALDO EMERSON
CONNECTING PRINCIPLE: Connecting goes beyond words. KEY CONCEPT: The more you do to go beyond words, the greater the chance you will connect with people.
CONNECTING ONE-ON-ONE
Connect visually by giving the other person your complete attention. The eyes are the windows of the soul; see the other person’s heart and show your heart. • Connect intellectually by asking questions, listening carefully, and also paying attention to what isn’t being said.
Connect emotionally through touch (being careful to honor boundaries and remain appropriate with members of the opposite sex).
CONNECTING IN A GROUP
Connect visually by setting the example. People in the group will do what they see. • Connect intellectually by investing in people’s growth. Build on what they already understand so they can develop to a higher level. • Connect emotionally by honoring the group’s effort and rewarding its work.
CONNECTING WITH AN AUDIENCE
Connect visually by smiling. This lets people know you’re happy to be communicating with them. • Connect intellectually by pausing strategically to give the audience time to think about something you’ve said. • Connect emotionally through facial expressions, laughter, and tears.
ACKNOWLEDGING THEM AS PART OF MY SUCCESS Nobody gets anywhere in life without the help of others. The people in that community helped me get on the right track in my career. I
“Four Unpardonable Sins of a Communicator”: being unprepared, uncommitted, uninteresting, or uncomfortable.
magnificent minglers:1 Possess the ability to make others feel comfortable Appear to be confident and at ease Have an ability to laugh at themselves (not at others)
Show interest in others; they maintain eye contact, self-disclose, ask questions, and actively listen Extend themselves to others; they lean into a greeting with a firm handshake and a smile Convey a sense of energy and enthusiasm—a joie de vivre Are well rounded, well informed, and well-mannered Prepare vignettes or stories of actual occurrences that are
interesting, humorous, and appropriate Introduce people to each other with an infectious enthusiasm (there is no other kind) that motivates conversation between the introducees Convey respect...
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“10 Foot Rule.” It said, From this day forward, I solemnly promise and declare that every time a customer comes within ten feet of me, I will smile, look him in the eye, and greet him. —SAM WALTON
If you want to connect, don’t wait. Initiate!
“If you wait until you can do everything for everybody, instead of something for somebody, you’ll end up not doing anything for anybody.” —MALCOLM BANE
25 Ways to Win with People is “Be the First to Help.”
A Jewish proverb says, “The wise does at once what the fool does at last.” Too often, we wait for the “perfect moment” to initiate with others. It has been my experience that the perfect moment never arrives.
“If we hear only a single story about another person or country, we risk a critical misunderstanding.”5 Why? Because we may assume that it tells the whole story about that person or country, and we close our minds to learning more about them. When that happens, it becomes difficult to find common ground.
You can’t build a relationship with everybody in the room when you don’t care about anybody in the room.
Nelson Mandela said is true: “If you talk to a man in the language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.” The
“We the uninformed, working for the inaccessible, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful!” —THE SUBORDINATE’S LAMENT BY JIM LUNDY
Jim Lundy’s take on this in his book Lead, Follow, or Get Out of the Way.
typical business executive in the United States has an on-the-job attention span of only six minutes.
QUESTIONS—“I WILL BE INTERESTED ENOUGH IN OTHERS TO ASK QUESTIONS” Peter Drucker, the father of modern management, remarked, “My greatest strength as a consultant is to be ignorant and ask a few questions.” What a great way to find common ground. I’ve made it a practice in my speaking career
If you aren’t especially outgoing or have a difficult time asking questions, you can use this trick that Duke Brekhus says he learned from Ron Puryear. Remember the word FORM, which stands for family, occupation, recreation, and message.
THOUGHTFULNESS—“I WILL THINK OF OTHERS AND LOOK FOR WAYS TO THANK THEM”
OPENNESS—“I WILL LET PEOPLE INTO MY LIFE
Communication is all about the openness of finding commonality with others.
That’s not easy for everyone. Michelle Pack understands the necessity. She says, “I will listen to others for hours, mainly because that is what people want more than anything—to be heard.
Connection always requires both parties to engage and be open.
