Help! A Bear Is Eating Me!

by Mykle Hansen

Is it really my fault? I wouldn’t be so obsessed with money if there wasn’t so much great stuff for sale. I blame society.

Great. Welcome to Marv’s Alaskan Bear Bistro and Snack Bar. I’ll be your maitre’d and entree this afternoon. I’m sorry sir, there are no tables available under the Rover, but please allow us to seat you in the Leg Room. Please do not enter the kitchen while the chefs are hiding. No, honestly sir … no, these snacks are reserved! Why do you want Slim Jims when there’s perfectly good Leg of Marv over there? No! Get away! Cough cough! Rap rap!

Maybe that’s why animals eat people and people eat animals, and justice is so fleeting.

Loneliness is obsolete.