Don’t Forget to Write

by Sara Goodman Confino

I’d much rather rescue myself. Which was easier said than done in 1960.

I could always start a fire, Mrs. Rochester–style, if they didn’t feed me. Probably said a lot that I preferred her to Jane Eyre.

“Look, I appreciate that you all want to save face, but it’s 1960, not 1860. I’m not marrying you just because we got caught kissing.”

“There are only three certainties in this world, Marilyn. Death, taxes, and Jewish mothers wanting to marry their children off.”

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a mother with unmarried children will think of nothing else. 😂

“What do you think?” Ada asked. “It’s bigger than I expected.” “May you say that on your wedding night,” she said quietly.

“You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. And don’t ever let anyone tell you we’re the weaker sex.”

front of the rabbi. I opened the book—it was an advance copy. One of Daddy’s friends was in publishing and often gave my mother books before they were in stores. Daddy never knew how many burned dinners Mr. Stein had caused. This was called To Kill a Mockingbird.

Sitting up and holding my hand above my eyes, I could just make out the young man who had pulled me from the bush my first night in Philadelphia. “Freddy, isn’t it? I hardly recognize you when I’m not sprawled in shrubbery.” He grinned. “I’d know you anywhere.”

“I have the afternoons free,” I said. “Maybe I’ll see you around.” “Maybe. How strong a swimmer are you?” “Decently so.” “Shame,” Freddy said, his lips spreading into a flirtatious grin. “I’m certified in mouth-to-mouth.” “Good to know,” I said. “I’ll make sure you’re around before I start drowning.” Suddenly he was kneeling back on the towel. “We could practice now.” I pushed his chest away playfully and he tumbled over into the sand, clutching his heart. I couldn’t help but laugh. “Get up, you fool.” “I can’t. I’m mortally wounded. Only true love’s kiss will break the spell.”

“Another dagger to the heart. Maybe I should give up and try one of Ada’s matches after all.” That sobered my mood quickly. He should, actually. I was off limits, especially if she was working with him. Ada made that much clear. “Hey,” he said softly, sitting up. “What just happened? You stopped smiling, and it’s like the sun went away.”

Freddy leaned down and planted a quick kiss on my neck, in the hollow where it met my shoulder, before she turned back around, and I looked at him in amused surprise.

Freddy’s arms were suddenly around me. And as much as I knew I should throw them off, I didn’t want to. “I’ve been dying to get you alone since I first found you in that bush,” he said, his face just inches from mine. “And just what do you intend to do with me?” His face moved closer to mine. “I’ve got a few ideas.” “Which are?” And then he kissed me.

This wasn’t a tentative first kiss like Daniel’s. This was a man who knew what he wanted and intended to make sure I was aware that what he wanted was me. I knew I should pull back. Shirley or the Goldmans could walk out and catch us at any moment, but that danger only added to the deliciousness of the moment, and I kissed him back as if my life depended on his lips and tongue meeting mine.

“Don’t say uh. It makes you sound uncertain. Speak with assurance and people will treat you as intelligent.”

I knew better. I did. I knew anyone who talked this smoothly was trouble—

there was something in the way Freddy never took his eyes off me. The way he watched my mouth as I spoke, as if he wanted to devour my very words. The way he made me feel like the most irresistible girl in the world—the only girl in the world. I couldn’t hold out against that.

the only things in life that are worth it are hard.

She drove me nuts. But I also admired her more than anyone I had ever met.

Thanks for setting up such a great nap spot.” I pouted, kicking sand over his foot. He opened his right eye to look at me. “You could always sleep with me. All puns intended.”

“Well, don’t get all mushy on me about it,” Ada said gruffly. But she didn’t fool me. I threw my arms around her neck, suddenly understanding the picture of her and my mother. She wasn’t warm and she suffered no fools. But no one had a better heart than this indomitable battle-ax before me.

“We all have a past,” he continued. “You do too. The first thing you told me about yourself was about that rabbi’s son. I’m not grilling you about whether you’re with me because you’re bored.” He took my hand. “I’m here with you because I like you. You’re not like the Philadelphia girls. I wasn’t kidding when I called you a siren. I don’t understand it. I don’t want to get married. I don’t want to settle down yet. And I definitely don’t want an Ada match. But I look at you and . . .” He trailed off. “And?” He looked at me imploringly. “Haven’t I subjugated myself enough tonight? I’m yours. Can we just go ride the stupid roller coaster and hold hands and kiss on the Ferris wheel and pretend we don’t have to hide how we feel from your aunt?” I rose up on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “You left out the ice cream.” “I’ll give you the moon if you ask for it.” “Rocky road will suffice.” “Marilyn, I—” I shook my head, pressing a finger to his lips. “Let’s go ride the stupid roller coaster and hold hands. We’ll figure out the rest later.”

I grabbed the copy of Goodbye, Columbus that my mother had mailed me and put it in my bag as well. Somewhat scandalous. You probably shouldn’t read this one. But c’est la guerre, my mother had written on the title page. Nothing could make me want to read a book more.

As long as I don’t bring home someone they wouldn’t approve of, they don’t really mind if I go out.” “And they approve of me?” “You, my dear, are the gold standard.” I flinched, knowing what that meant. “And does all that matter to you? Is that why you’re here?” “If it did, I wouldn’t be here. I’d be doing the proper courtship that they think I am. I don’t care who your family is—actually, that’s not true. I wish you weren’t part of your family because then Ada wouldn’t disapprove, and we could be together in the open.” I looked away, but he put a hand under my chin and turned my face back to his. “I didn’t fall for you because of some status symbol. I fell for you. And the rest just gets in the way.”

I didn’t understand how these men could claim to be attracted to the fact that I was free, then try to cage me.

He chuckled and leaned in to kiss her cheek. I watched them as they walked away. They seemed so very much in love, which, with two young children, felt like an accomplishment. I tried to remember the last time I saw my parents show each other affection, and I couldn’t think of anything.

“Don’t write your own story,” Ada said. “You haven’t lived enough for that. But use what you’ve learned.” “What have I learned? Other than that I should listen to you?” Ada smiled. “What a lovely start.”

I knew almost nothing about my great-grandparents, but there was something comforting in knowing he would have approved of me. Especially now.

would never understand how anyone could enjoy the misfortune of others.

“Goodbye, Freddy,” I whispered. I hoped he found some kind of happiness in his new life, but I doubted he would. When I pictured him in a duplex with a wife and a screaming baby, I imagined him sneaking away to spend his time at some gin joint, sitting next to a girl who looked like a poor imitation of me. But he had made his bed. And I had my own to make, unmake, and make again without him in it.

“Always say yes to new things,” Ada said. “It’s the only way you’ll be able to write about life—if you actually go out and live it.”

I would be her age in 2015. We would have flying cars and be living on the moon by then.

We spread our towels, Dan’s sporting a Hoy’s sticker. “Honestly, did you think we wouldn’t have beach towels at a beach house?” He placed a hand over his heart. “From now on, I will consult you before making any and all beach purchases.”

Lillian patted my leg under the table and winked at me. And just like that, I realized that far from being a threat, she was going to be my biggest ally in this house.

By the time Ada and Lillian returned, just before the rain started to fall in huge drops that pelted the rocks and flowers, I was stretched out, my head pillowed on Dan’s legs as he read above me, a hand wandering down from time to time to wind itself in a lock of my hair.

Dan folded down the corner of his page and shut his book. “What’s wrong?” I asked, looking up at him. “Absolutely nothing. I just want to soak in the moment.” “Quite literally if the wind changes.” He shook his head. “Shush. You’re ruining the mood.” I placed my book facedown on my chest. “Will you come back next weekend?” His face spread in a smile. “I would love to.” Marking the page and closing the book, I sat up, nestling into the crook of his arm as we silently watched the rain fall together.

And as much as I enjoyed school, it was the freedom I loved. I had found that here, and much more of it.

The world loves to destroy what it doesn’t understand. Some things can be hidden to be protected. Some can’t.”

she was wrong—she wasn’t masquerading as a house cat. She was a leopard, camouflaged against her surroundings, but still living her life exactly as she saw fit.

“I’m not here for the beach and the boardwalk rides, Marilyn. I’m here for you.” I smiled weakly. “Come on. Let’s go for a walk. We’ll get ice cream.” “But we haven’t had dinner.” “Since when do you follow rules?” He had a point.

“The truth is, you’re not like anyone I’ve ever known. I’m alive when I’m with you. And I want to be with you—in whatever way you’ll have me. If that involves rings and a ketubah, yes. If it’s coconuts and sleeping in a shack on the beach, that’s great too. But I’m just trying to find a solution that helps you right now.”

“Least romantic proposal ever.” He pulled me back by the shoulders. “Marilyn Kleinman,” he said. “The day you let me know you would be open to accepting that, believe me, I’ll make the show you want of it. Until then, this will have to do.” And he pulled me in to him, kissing me deeply until the world spun. “Where did a rabbi’s son learn to kiss like that?” “Do you really want to know the answer to that question?” “No,” I laughed. “But do it again.” He obliged. And for a moment, I believed that the letter would do its job and things could continue exactly as they were.

If I could have crawled into her skin and become her, I would have. She was fierce and ferocious and feminine all at the same time.

I thought back to how angry I had been when they made me go home. And at my father at the train station. That was gone now, replaced with an aching exhaustion. I just didn’t have it in me to be angry anymore, even at Daddy. He was a product of his time. And not everyone could be like Ada and reject the norms that they were raised in. Not everyone wanted to. I saw that now.

I had never been to Chicago, but it seemed like a good place to go on an adventure. And I had time for adventures now. I scratched behind Sally’s ears and kissed the top of her head. “Goodbye, you little terror. What kind of dog is she anyway?” “A schnauzer,” Lillian said. “If you’d told me I would miss that dog . . .” “She’ll be happy to see you,” Lillian promised. “She’s a wonderful judge of character.” I nodded. “That she is.”

She cleared her throat. “I just wanted to say thank you—” “No. Thank you, Frannie. Ada loved you dearly. And I appreciate everything you did for me this summer.” “But you didn’t—” I smiled at her. “What would Ada say right now?” She grinned wanly. “To take the gift, say thank you, and shut up about it.” I chuckled. “That is exactly what she would say.”

Her closet was a sight to behold. Dresses for every occasion. Hats. Shoes. More jewelry. Furs. I discovered there was an entire other row behind the one in the back. I felt behind the second row, wondering if there would be a third, but my hand brushed a door frame. Curious, I pushed the clothes aside, revealing the narrow door. Narnia, I thought. I reached for the knob, half convinced I was about to meet Aslan and the White Witch

Ada had made a better match than she realized in us.

My darling Marilyn, Live the life you want. Love whom you want. And don’t forget to write. XOX, Ada

Thank you to my mother, Carole Goodman. I’ve never let anyone see unfinished work before. But because I was on such a tight deadline, I sent her this, a chapter a night, and she read it as I wrote—frequently sending me angry messages, telling me to write faster because she wanted more. Thank you, Mom. For everything.

This book would absolutely not exist without my aunt and uncle, Dolly and Marvin Band. They were 90 percent of my research, and there is no way I could have finished it on time without their help. From the cars, to how to get to Atlantic City before the AC Expressway, to what you wore on the boardwalk (with adorable pictures to prove it!), to how people did their hair back then, the two of you knew everything and answered every single question I had immediately. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being so generous with your time, your memories, your support, and your love.