System Collapse (The Murderbot Diaries, #7)

by Martha Wells

So the next time I get optimistic about something, I want one of you to punch me in the face.

I sent back, I wish I could punch you in the face. ART said, I wish you could try.

At least it was making me nervous for a survival-based reason instead of … redacted.

So I’m here now and it’s fine, everyone shut up about it, okay.

Just us humans here, some of us like to wear our visors down when we don’t need them to breathe and some don’t, we just like to mix it up.

ART had replied, It’s so easy for ships to disappear out here.

(I’ve realized that Iris is ART’s Ratthi.)

Yeah, I fucking know. (I didn’t say that, I just sent Acknowledge.)

Ugh, I wish I felt like I was prepared for complication. Or prepared for anything. Redacted

On my private feed, ART said, Take care of them. And yourself.

She had large yelling capacity for a human her size. I had the feeling it came in handy.

ART has been monitoring me due to redacted. Which is a whole thing, I don’t know, I don’t want to talk about it.

I don’t know, I’m kind of all over the place right now. You’re stalling, ART-drone said. I am not. I can stand here and be useless without any ulterior motives, thanks.

He hadn’t asked me what I was doing, probably because he was afraid I didn’t know. Which, valid, but this time I actually did know.

he really likes to walk around on planets and he is also great at finding dangerous shit.

“Be safe, SecUnit,” she said. I don’t know how to respond when humans say that. It was always my job to get hurt.

I’m gonna cry

My risk assessment finally caught up to what was happening and hit the roof.

I should know this. I used to be good at this, what the fuck happened to me. Oh right, that happened.

“Are you sure you’re going to be all right?” Well, no. Obviously.

I was trying to lighten the mood but that one absolutely did not stick its landing.

Can you burn out your ability to feel that a place is creepy? Ratthi answered, I think that’s called being in shock.

I guess machine intelligences of that era were too polite to say “that sounds fake but okay.”

Or maybe I was projecting.

My certification in advanced trauma protocol? it said. Of course, that can’t possibly be useful in this situation.

(Probably because of—it’s not redacted anymore, right, so you know, the thing that happened.)

Yes, this is upsetting, I told it. I am upset. Are you happy now? Delirious, ART said.

there was only so much I could take and I thought I’d hit my limit about, I don’t know, four years ago.

Amena had made my hair fluffy (she was trying to make me feel better)

My organic neural tissue hurt and I really needed a shutdown and restart.) Threat assessment pinged. Ugh, not now. I checked its report and ugh, yes now.

It was a good idea, corporates liked to talk and gloat, generally (internal screaming).

In late-breaking Tarik news, he had just jumped two Barish-Estranza employees

Wow, you don’t think it can get any worse, and it always does.

Tarik said, That explains why there’s so many of these <untranslatable>.

Weird, and fucking inconvenient.

I’m not spiraling, this is all accurate. But whatever.

It occurred to me belatedly (the way most important things occur to me)

It sent back, End session. There was a pause, then: Be safe. I can’t deal with that right now.

Ugh, organic neural tissue, whatever the hell you’re doing with the secretions and neuron firing, it’s not helping.

(I know, believe me, I know. This is an illustration of the phrase “grasp at straws.”)

(governor modules aren’t helpful for learning and dealing with new experiences, you may have noticed)

“We need to go,” I said aloud. And I needed to stop just repeating that or they were going to think I was losing function, which I was, but.

Deadpan, Tarik said, “I always watch entertainment when I fly.”

“Fuck you all.” “Right back at you,” I said.

and also, I didn’t know shit about flying into space.

Holism was like ART. (An enormous asshole who thought it was omniscient.)

I thought at first ART fucking hated Holism because it was bigger and potentially smarter. But after further observation it might be because Holism was doing such a good job of acting genuinely indifferent to ART’s hatred.

ART said, 7.32 minutes at the same time as Holism said, 7.3247 minutes. The resulting silence on the feed was stony, except for Seth’s exasperated sigh.