Kid

by Jescie Hall

“You might not like men, but you’ll like me,” I say, laying on the charm.

“Wanna smoke?” she asks, holding up a cigarette between us. “Only if you put your lips on it first.”

“I’ll break your heart, you know,” she comments, making me pause. “Gotta have a heart to break, sweetheart. And trust me, there ain’t nothing in here worth reviving.” I pound my fist on my chest with a cheesy grin. She walks around me, her eyes never leaving mine before she settles against the wall to my right. “Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.” She blinks flirtatiously, giving me a wicked grin, before rolling off the wall and walking away. I stand here stunned for a moment. I think I just met the female version of myself. This is what I’d look like as a chick. I’m hot as fuck. I’m into me.

She definitely radiates like a flower, bringing you in with her beauty, only to drown you in her poison. An addicting toxin that pulls people in, slowly killing them in her presence. Dammit, if I don’t love it. If it isn’t clear already, I gravitate towards toxicities like a moth to a flame.

“I’m a free spirit. I love beautiful people. Guys, girls… It’s the soul that’s attractive, you see.” “I get hard for a sexy soul,” I admit, agreeing with a serious tone.

“We like to party and fuck. Soulmates.” I bring my hands up to her waist, holding her tiny frame.

“I’m so hot for you, but I’ll turn to ice before you get the chance to cool.” I gaze from her wild green eyes to her plump, red stained lips, knowing she’s my new toxic substance of choice. “Worth the burn.”

I’m sick and twisted. It’s who I am. I’ve embraced it.

So that’s our thing now. I have inside jokes with Han. The Han. The girl everyone seems to want but can’t have. The unobtainable wonder that leaves me constantly needing to solve the colorful Rubik’s cube that is her. Puzzles; suddenly my thing.

“How can you make something as innocent as eating gummy worms insanely sexy?”

“It means you don’t have anyone waiting for you,” she says, her lips turned down in disappointment as her eyes finding mine again. “You deserve to have someone waiting for you.”

“The plants? The green walls? Yeah, I get it.” She chuckles a bit, looking around the place. “But I need my cave to bring me back to life if the world around me doesn’t.”

feel that. I feel that deeply. It’s why I thrive in the dark. I’ve found many caves of my own. Although my caves are places that numb me rather than revive me.

“I want to fuck you,” I whisper against her neck, trailing my mouth up to her ear, the softness against my lips feeling like heaven. “I want to paint this fucking room with your screams.”

“Black holes and minds aren’t meant for wandering,” she says, before grabbing me by the back of my neck and pulling me close to her lips. “You’ll never escape.” At this rate, I don’t think I’ll want to.

She brought me into her world to communicate this with me the only way she can. I’m the hand reaching down the rabbit hole to save her from the nightmares. She brought me here to trip so I can reach her, but time has run out. The white rabbit is back with his pocket watch, edging her along.

“Fuck, I’m about to drown you in cum,” I say, pulling her head back gently, not wanting to hurt her.

Today I want to drown in her. Sink down beneath her surface and fucking drown in everything that she is. I want her in my lungs, in my veins, in my soul. I need her to end me in all the ways imaginable so I can live in her dark, impenetrable hell.

feeling her get wetter with each dip of her bottom to the top of my thighs. “I’m fucking addicted. I’m addicted to you, Han.”

She’s the gateway drug to a lifetime of addictions, not of this world. Her drug is the kind that you overdose on, knowing you’ll never be the same again after her. She enlightens in the way that you can only hope to hold on to the ignorance of not knowing her, because life after her will crush the deepest part of the soul you deny owning.

“Take it,” she demands, her eyes screwed closed. “Take it all from me.”

We’re so bad for each other, that much is certain. But it’s so good. Deeper and deeper we go, down the rabbit hole, until we’re both lost in our own demise. No one here can save anyone because no one here wants to be saved. We want to live in the danger and destruction around us because it’s the only thing that makes us feel alive.

“Come for me. Fuck, come all over me, Han,” I groan, thrusting into her heat, loving the way it’s making her fall apart.

“I just have to say one thing before the moment passes, and I lose my nerve,” I say, my tone coming out as serious as I intended. She stares at me, waiting for me to finish, the post-orgasm lustful look still in place as her breasts rise and fall while she tries to catch her breath, looking down at me with her eyes narrowed and her jaw lax. She wasn’t expecting something real and raw and I like that I caught her off guard. “Don’t leave this time.”

I’m in too deep. Fuck, that’s a Sum 41 song. And Sum 41 now reminds me of Han and LSD night.

Jesus, I’m really thinking of choking out this chick until she says she likes me. I’m a fucking weirdo.

“I’ll drown you in other ways,” she whispers, grabbing my hand from my lap and placing it between her thighs over her tight little shorts.

“Jo,” I say softly, grabbing her hand. She flinches and pulls it away from me, setting her hand on her lap. “It’s just me. Me and you. I can handle this shit better than any of these other jokers out here. I know pain. I’ve been through lots. I understand what it feels like to want to shell up and pretend it all away, to feel like no one wants to fight for you. Trust me, I do.”

The house is dark and quiet and feels like the inside of my chest. Empty.

Why does she make it so hard for anyone to love her? I get the pain; I get the need to hide from what hurts most, but if she’d only let me in, she’d see how much we can help each other. We are two lost souls that can bring one another back to life, aren’t we? But I can’t be mad at her.

whispers, looking down, her lashes fluttering until she finally looks up at me again. “Come with me.”

“I’m already there,” I reply, kissing the back of her hand before leaning forward and closing the space between us, sealing my lips to hers. I can only hope the need to leave again never comes.

“I like the dark parts of you, Han, almost more so than the light happy parts. Your darkness is the real, raw, unfiltered Han. And she sets me on fucking fire.”

Cole is protective of me. I hate that I notice it. I hate that it makes my stomach twist into a small pretzel. I hate that even if it’s non-intentional, she’s so sure Han is going to fuck me over. I hate that I know she will.

“You don’t own me,” she remarks with her sexy little sass. I tighten my grip on the back of her neck again, bringing her ear near my lips. “I’ll show everybody at this party how I can fucking own you.”

“You’re more than a friend, Kai,” she whispers against my lips. “You’re in the blurred space beyond it. Whatever that space holds.” My heart feels as if it’s bouncing around the inside of my rib cage, trying to break free. I groan at her words. “Show me. I need you to show me I’m not your friend.”

I’m so hard for her, as always. I could get hard sniffing her hair. But hearing her say I’m more than a friend makes me want to do nasty things to her, needing her to prove that the blurred space she talks about actually exists for me.

“Fucking you is my favorite, Kai,” she whispers as she sucks on my earlobe. “You have the most amazing, thick cock.”

“But it’s more than that,” she whispers to the ceiling. “It’s our connection. It’s metagalactic.”

I can’t figure out what turns me on more. Having two women literally worshiping my dick, soft hands exploring me and each other, Han telling her how to please me, or simply watching Han interact with another woman. Fuck.

“Tell me. Open up to me. Let me into your dark. I want to see what you see. I just want to understand,” I beg, reaching out for her, pushing my luck, knowing that I’m already losing her to herself.

“Don’t do this,” I whisper, shaking my head as I plead with my eyes. “I won’t come back.”

Shaking my head, I answered his question in all honesty, “I’m just a shattered fool in love with a broken girl.”

“You love things that are bad for you, don’t you?” she asks, tipping her head against the frame. “I do love my toxicities.” I bite my bottom lip while eyeing her beautiful lips. My eyes quickly find hers again. “But you’re not bad for me. You just haven’t realized that yet.”

I was going to leave her something. I pull the bag of gummy worms from behind my back, holding it up in front of her face. “I think about you,” I say, holding them out to her. “I see you everywhere.”

Our gazes remain locked as we both just stare at one another. That’s one thing I love about her, among many things, her direct eye contact. It’s striking and makes me feel powerless before her. I enjoy feeling dethroned by her beauty. It’s humbling in every sense of the word.

“But that’s the thing,” I say, moving in closer again, my forehead near hers. We’re so close, but still I keep the distance. “I’m not giving up on you yet.”

“You ran from me.” I state the obvious. “You chased me,” she retorts, her voice soothing me instantly. “I caught you.” I cock a confident brow.

She can lie to me all she wants with her words and lack of expression, but this body knows nothing but truths. And I’m about to uncover all of them.

“Because if you don’t start talking”—I remove my fingers from her panties, bringing the fingers to her mouth, rubbing her arousal all across her full, parted lips—“I promise you I’ll fucking walk.”