Kid

by Jescie Hall

I could never fucking walk. Not with the way she makes me weak at the knees. I’m beyond needing her. I need a new word for need. I require her presence just to breathe. She’s imperative for my existence. It’s as simple and simultaneously as complicated as that.

“That’s a good girl,” I whisper against her skin, slowly working her clit. “I like when you admit that you’re jealous.”

“Wrap those lips around me,” I say, making a show out of grabbing my cock through my jeans. “Show me how much shit you can talk with my dick in your mouth.”

She scoffs with a grin, pulling at her lip as she shakes her head. “You’re so bad for me.” I place both hands on the door behind her, leaning in. “Yeah, you’ve said it before, and look where you are.”

“I fucking love you. Even if you don’t love me. I’ll always love you. You’re my little hamster. I just wanna squeeze the life outta you.”

“Twice,” she says softly, her voice cracking through her emotion. Her eyes find mine and tears are running down the length of her rosy little cheeks, racing to meet her quivering chin. “Twice tonight I felt the weight of losing you.”

It broke me. Terrified me. I couldn’t stand the sight of her being hurt by something that was, at one point, meant for fun. It made me pause; made me think. But clearly, not enough. She’s watching me self-destruct, and the pain of that is a reminder of the demons of her past.

I’ve never wanted to know so much about another person like I do Han.

“If sanity is the ability to act in a normal, rational manner, exhibiting reasonable behavior, then it’s more than obvious,” I say, before kissing the tip of her delicate nose. “I’m insane for you,” I whisper. “Completely and unavoidably insane.”

“Nothing from your past is going to push me away. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. It’s your darkness that pulls me in, Han.”

“Give me the chance,” I whisper against her lips. “You can’t fix me,” she says immediately. “I don’t want to,” I say, wincing as I place both hands on the sides of her neck, my thumbs tracing her chin. I lick my lips, peering at hers, then back into her troubled eyes, the ones that scream out for me and me alone. “I want to break with you.”

“We fix each other, but only after all the pieces have broken, all the cracks in place.” I mutter the words of a wise old man, feeling their weight now more than ever.

“I’m sick too, Kai,” she whispers beneath me. “I love when you hurt me, just like I know you love when I hurt you.”

She’s psychotic—nearly mad. But so am I. No one could understand her the way that I do, the way that I continuously need to. I want to give her everything she needs, and be the only one who knows her inside out.

“I want everything.” The words are heavy as they fall from her lips, pulling me back down to earth with their weight. “All parts.”

“Finally slapped the brat outta you, huh?” I gloat in her ear.

“Tell me you’re mine,” I demand, needing to hear the words. “Yours,” she answers with a breathy moan, adjusting around me. “Tell me you need me,” I say, pumping back into her with another deep stroke, the sensation electrifying me from the inside out. She whimpers at the same time she says, “Only you.”

“Jesus, look at that,” I say beneath my breath, eyeing the base of my cock that’s throbbing inside of her. “You’ve made a fucking mess of me.”

“I’m close, but I need more,” she says through shallow breaths. “Mark me, Kai. I need you deep in me, my head, my skin, my veins. I need to feel you everywhere.”

Mark me, Kai. Those words. She has no idea what they mean to me. I’ve always wanted to mark her, claim her as mine forever since the moment I met her in that dark, dirty basement. The mysterious green-eyed goddess that was always unobtainable. I wanted to drown myself in her, and hearing she wants to do the same is music to my ears. I’ve never been so focused on anything in all of my life until her.

“Mine.” I declare. She studies me, her chest heaving as the weight of it registers. Nodding, she drops her head again, submitting to me entirely. Surrendering the complexities of her mind, the release of her body, and, most importantly, the opening of a broken heart.

“I love you, Kai,” she says breathlessly. “It hurts, and I’m scared, but I’m in deep, terrifying love with you.”

“I’m ready to break for you,” she whispers, still gripping my hand between hers. “But are you willing to crack for me?” “Shatter,” I reply, pressing myself against her again, my hips pinning her to the van, my eyes cast down on hers as my hands hold her broken little face, making sure she knows the truth in the deepest part of her. “I’ll shatter myself into a million pieces just to meet your broken.”

I nod. “You never have to worry. This conversation stays here, out on this cliff, above the water, close to the heavens.” I drag my thumb along her jawline, gaining her entire focus. “It dies with me.”

“Even at our worst, both drowning in chaos,” I breathe, my expression growing somber. “Together, we’re our best.”