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June 19 - June 21, 2025
My head falls to his chest as little black dots fill my vision, and even as I struggle to regain my balance, I notice how nice and firm he is, how good he smells—soap and skin and fabric softener, how reassuring his arm around me feels, as if nothing truly bad can happen when I’m standing against him like this.
sighs heavily, still facing away from me. “The dress and the voice had an unexpected consequence,” he says through gritted teeth. “Will you please just get back in the fucking dressing room?”
softly, “he’s got a heart valve defect. It decreases blood flow to the brain, and he blacks out. Did you really think I’d help someone cover up child abuse?” I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but the dam breaks. I press my face to my hands as tears begin to fall. “Can they fix it?”
My eyes close. “I never expected anything from you,” I say between my teeth. My throat swells, and I swallow hard. I refuse to cry in front of him, because really, it’s entirely my own fault. I gave him so much grief about the way he treated women, the way they might expect things from him, but they were all fine. I’m the only idiot he’s had to give this speech to. “I thought I made that pretty clear yesterday when I went back to my own place.”