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June 19 - June 21, 2025
were Satan for some reason unable to practice law.
Easy.
DeuxMoi,
NO!
Saying I’m the perfect choice is like setting up a sixteen-year-old boy with a ninety-year-old female and insisting it’s perfect because they’re both straight.
Interesting analogy...
either way, Hayes Flynn won’t be touching my walls, or anything else.
Uhhhhh k.
The Dark Lord can actually do that much on his own.
Lmao
Instead, it’s the house you’d buy if, perhaps, you got famous off a YouTube song about farting—large enough to house a sizable village and replete with far too many tacky flourishes: fountains, columns, arching windows, turrets.
Wow this is poetic
“Is this a joke?” he demands. His voice is exactly as I imagined. Too bad he had to ruin it by being him. He must have known I was coming, and I haven’t done anything wrong yet.
Oh god here we go
He says “bartender” as if it’s synonymous with racist or pedophile.
WHAT
“Which you clearly don’t have,” he says.
Girl get behbind me
thoroughly. What the hell even happened? I’d understand if he disliked me after getting to know me—he wouldn’t be the first—but he was being a jerk before I even opened my mouth.
Real
“That sounds like the sort of vague thing Harvey Weinstein would suggest,” I say with an awkward laugh.
CLOCKED
A simple guy who cared about those around him and just wanted to return to his girl back home.
Happiness by taylor core
Hayes goes to them, making home visits like some pioneer doctor, albeit one who focuses more on inflating lips than amputating limbs.
Lmao
“And how exactly am I supposed to get her out of your house? Is there a firearm available, perchance?” I hear a soft grumbly noise which may
I love her
“Are you seriously telling me you don’t even know the name of the woman you inserted your penis in last night?”
Cook him again!
“I only date women who know to expect nothing from me,” he says, turning to leave. “Learning their names would create false expectations.”
He is a goddamn villain
gather the supplies he’s requested and get in my car, wondering as I weave through the city how the hell I’m going to explain why I’m wearing what amounts to a sexy nightgown.
Girl bye
“Are you...are you wearing my date’s dress?” he asks, horrified. The silver lining to having nothing left to lose is that...I have nothing left to lose. “Do you like it?” I whisper, raising nervous, hopeful eyes to him. “I disposed of her, just like you asked.”
LMAO YES GIRL
“Wait. She asked to borrow your clothes, and you said yes?” I shrug. “She was really freaked out.”
My queen
My teeth grind so hard she can probably hear it all the way in Minnesota. “No. He’s not.”
Ayeee
I set two Advil next to his coffee and slide him the schedule. One of these days I’m going to attach a pamphlet on functional alcoholism.
Lmao
Kansas never did. Ocean, mountains, perfect weather. Even here
But i thought u were from minnesota
“I watched a doctor on ER perform a tracheotomy using only a ballpoint pen and a kitchen knife. I feel like I could pull it off.”
CARTER MY BELOVED
door,” Hayes says, his voice so clipped it’s barely civil. “But I can’t,” Genevieve says. “They’re sad if they can’t see me.” Hayes begins packing his things. “I’m not putting my assistant through this,” he says. “And it isn’t safe for you either.”
Damn
My nipples pinch
??????
(House destroyed. Build new one. Also, need more tuxes),
Lmao
“My dick,” he says, as if this was unclear. “And it is.”
K
“Children’s clothes?” he suggests. “Or a fashion line for pygmies?”
Wat
“Why can’t I just want to be an assistant?” I ask. “Or a bartender?” “Because you seem like someone destined for more,” he says quietly.
Im killing myself later thx
If there’s a clog in that hot tub, I bet it’s something that rhymes with…fizz.
EWWWW
“Though the text you sent in the middle of the night saying ‘send these girls Florida’ was unclear. Did you want me to send them to Florida or somehow gift them the state of Florida?”
Lmao
His mouth lifts. I get a hint of a dimple. “Are you saying threesomes are run-of-the-mill for you? I don’t even see you having twosomes.”
Right...
“Tali,” he says, rubbing his brow as he stands, “any man sleeping with you would keep you up all night long whether it was in his best interest or not. He wouldn’t be able to help himself.” Without even looking at me, Hayes picks up the schedule and walks out, not even realizing what his comment has done to my insides. Because something in the almost-reluctant way he said it...made it seem like he might have been talking about himself.
Woah!
“Three daughters?” he asks, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Jesus. That would drive a man to an early grave.”
Yikes
“Tali?” Hayes says, eyes open now and worried. “Shit. I’m sorry. You’re so young. I just assumed…” I force a smile. “Well, three daughters, early grave…you kind of called it. He died last summer.” “Jonathan told me you had a rough year,” he admits, looking away.
Aw
I’m bent over the dishwasher when Hayes enters the kitchen the next morning. I glance up in time to catch his eyes on my ass, and there’s something so dirty, so deeply male in that
Ooooo
was precocious in that way. I just don’t know why you’re giving them to me.”
Hm
“What’s weird,” he replies, “is that he’s never once drunk-texted me.”
Eeeek
“There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone winds up getting fisted on Pornhub eventually.”
Oh.
was wondering if you could make me a salad today. I have an opening at two.”
Awe
“There are things I’d crave from you long before salad,” he replies, and goosebumps crawl over my arms.
Wgat is ur PROBLEM
“You could be, certainly,” he purrs, with the dirtiest possible lift to his mouth. It’s as if that smirk of his is directly tied to my nerve endings—that’s how fast my body responds. And why him? Why him instead of Sam or a hundred other men who could potentially make decent boyfriends?
No like chill
“Jesus,” says Hayes. His face has fallen. “You just broke up with someone, didn’t you?” “It’s fine.”
Ayeee
were together for ten years and broke up last summer when my dad died.”
Holy shit
“But only if you take your vitamins like a good boy. And I’m not trying to poison you. The new one is zinc. It’s good for the immune system.” He pops it into his mouth. “And sperm production,” he adds.
Wow
didn’t recognize you for a moment,” he says, clearing
Stfu
my jaw unhinged.
A useful tool for later?
I wonder, for a half second, if he threw this entire ridiculous party simply to prove that to me before I dismiss the idea. He’s not that selfless.
ONLY THREW THIS PARTY 4 U
“I’ll pay it,” he says. “Your debt. I’ll pay it. If you ever make it big, you can pay me back. Otherwise, consider it a gift.” My eyes
She wont let him
“It’s so hard to find a man who will buy me drinks, fuck me and never call again.” His gaze sharpens, grows feral. “God, what a filthy little mouth you have,” he says. His voice is pure gravel, and I feel a hard kick of want in my stomach. Or maybe that kick was a little lower if I’m going to be honest.
Damn
