Johann (Vampire's Mate, #4)

by Grae Bryan

Family meant the terrible creatures you were stuck with because you had nowhere else to go.

He apologized mentally to the vampire part of himself—the little bit of his being that didn’t like the bright light—for irritating its senses. I’m sorry, little beastie.

People were always calling Jay “honey” and “sweetie” like that. Jay supposed it had something to do with his looks: he was petite, his facial features were maybe kind of doll-like, and he knew people thought of him as cute. He supposed that made them want to call him pet names. He didn’t mind it though—in truth, it warmed his chest when people called him nice things. It made him feel wanted, even if all it really meant was that he was nonthreatening.

Alicia hugged him then, her body warm and soft against Jay’s. It felt nice. He missed being touched this way.

Coming to Hyde Park was the best thing Jay had ever done. His only wish was that it could last.

Then for a while he just…stood still. For a very long while, actually. Jay wasn’t sure exactly how long he was standing there in the living room, but when he blinked back to awareness, it was fully dark outside. Oops. Sometimes Jay lost time like that, when he was alone. A bad habit left over from Vee’s old punishments.

He took a seat on the couch and cleared his throat, trying out some words. “I don’t like being alone,” he declared, his voice ringing in the silent apartment. There, he’d admitted it. He’d voiced it out loud.

But Jay didn’t like the long hours at night when he was all by himself, just him and Vee’s harsh voice in his head.

And, despite what some people may think, Jay wasn’t stupid. He knew Soren hadn’t really meant his invitation last spring, when he’d told Jay he could come to Hyde Park. Soren hadn’t really expected Jay to show up at his doorstep.

It wasn’t their fault Jay didn’t have anyone else. Someone just for him.

He just wished he was better at being alone. He wished he was braver. Bolder.

But lately a familiar melancholy had started creeping and crawling its way back in. An uninvited guest.

What was even the point of getting out of bed these days? There was nothing and nobody waiting for him. He could sleep twenty-four hours of every day and not a soul would be bothered. That sounded pretty nice, actually.

There was a little guy at the counter, dressed in a truly hideous sweatshirt, and he was waving at Alexei with surprising gusto. Alexei was so distracted by the strange enthusiasm of the greeting (not to mention that eyesore of an outfit), that he was all the way to the counter before his brain processed the fact that the guy beneath the clothes could only be described as…adorable. Distractingly so.

Alexei had the momentary, completely bizarre thought that he wanted to steal him. To put the stranger in his pocket and take him back to his apartment, stash him there for the foreseeable future. Just…keep him. Because apparently Alexei’s recent hermitage had melted his fucking brain.

He simply couldn’t look away. The guy was so…pretty. Gorgeous in a soft, unassuming way, with that little button nose, those Cupid’s bow lips. And really, the bed head look he had going on was too much; it was sending Alexei’s brain into dangerous territory. Like sweat-soaked sheets and a dark head bobbing between his legs and a million other dirty things he shouldn’t be thinking about.

“What just happened?” It wasn’t until the redhead answered him that Alexei realized he’d asked his question out loud. She smirked at him, tamping down the espresso she’d just ground. “I’d say you got Jayed.”

It was just that…after a lifetime of numbness, of feeling cold and distant and apathetic to everything around him, there was now this little bright spot of color. And it didn’t make sense, and it probably—definitely—made Alexei a creep, but there it was. A blossoming obsession.

He wasn’t going to leave the guy alone. A good man would. But Alexei had never been a good man, had he?

The nice thing was, though, those stern eyebrows always kind of relaxed around Jay. He liked watching it happen, the moment Alexei caught his eye and that frown softened to… One couldn’t quite call it a smile, exactly, but it was definitely neutral at the very least. That always made Jay feel good.

Alexei tilted his head, considering Jay’s efforts carefully. Jay liked that so, so much—the way Alexei often studied him, so intent and serious. He never brushed off Jay’s questions with a laugh or an eye roll like some people did. It was why he was Jay’s new favorite regular. That and maybe also the way he smelled. So good. Like vanilla and sugar.

Alexei huffed a not quite laugh. “No cupcakes, kotyonok.” Jay’s heart warmed at the nickname Alexei had started giving him. It meant “kitten” in Russian.

Alexei leaned just a hair’s breadth closer. “Do you like cupcakes?” “I like anything with sugar,” Jay answered honestly. “I see.” Alexei’s gaze traveled down to Jay’s lips, just for a second.

Alexei was almost smiling, his lips soft and relaxed, and Jay was beaming, and their faces were very close, and oh, Jay just really, really wanted a nibble. Just a little nibble of the delicious-smelling regular with the handsome face and pretty eyes and strong-looking forearms with his sleeves rolled back.

Soren followed the path of his gaze. He arched a brow. “Dude looks like a mobster.” Jay’s smile faltered a little. “No, he doesn’t. He looks like Alexei.” Soren grinned sharply at him. “That’s a mobster name.” “It isn’t,” Jay insisted, feeling vaguely insulted on behalf of his regular. “It’s an Alexei name.”

Alexei must have quite a bit of sexual experience. What would he want with Jay in that regard? Jay wouldn’t be good at any of it. He’d be…disappointing. And Jay hated disappointing people.

Jay did his best not to watch, but it was kind of too fascinating to resist….Danny just melted in Roman’s arms the moment their lips touched. Would Jay’s muscles all go soft like that, if he was kissed by a handsome man?

“I always like my regulars. And this one especially. I like the way he smiles at me. Well, he doesn’t smile at me exactly, but sometimes a corner of his mouth sort of lifts up just a little bit and it’s almost like a smile? And I think if he did smile, it would look pretty nice. Also, he smells really good. Like vanilla and sugar. He swears he hasn’t been making cupcakes, but for someone who hasn’t been making cupcakes, he smells a lot like one.”

This was getting frustrating. Jay resisted the urge to stomp his foot. He didn’t want to be rude, but he wasn’t liking at all the direction this conversation was taking. “He’s not a mobster. He’s my regular, and he lets me call him Alexei, and he smells like cupcakes, and I like him.”

What was Alexei hoping to accomplish even? Slow seduction via increasingly complicated coffee orders?

The world was just as dull and gray as it had ever been, just without the bright splashes of blood to color it in violence. Instead, he had his bright splash of Jay.

He stepped forward, away from Colin and toward Alexei. “We’re not boyfriends. I’m just a vampire.” Now it was Colin’s turn to say his name like a reprimand. “Jay. You can’t go around telling everybody you’re a vampire.”

He grabbed hold of Alexei’s hand, taking a second to enjoy the way the human’s large palm swallowed his so easily. He was so much larger than Jay, and Jay had to admit he liked that about his regular. He could easily imagine being held, possibly hugged, maybe even pressed down onto a mattress…

“I’m a virgin,” Jay admitted, making sure he kept his chin held high as he said it. He refused to be embarrassed by his inexperience. Well, he refused to show his embarrassment, at least.

“Feed from me. I like the idea of giving you something you need, kotyonok. Let me be of use to you. Please.”

He should always be here, Alexei thought dreamily, listening to the strangely erotic sounds of Jay’s greedy gulping. In my arms.

And I even have a toothbrush, never used.” He hustled into the bathroom and dug around in the cabinet, triumphantly brandishing a still-packaged toothbrush. “I keep them for guests, but then I never have guests, so it’s just…here.”

Jay’s gray eyes were serious, his nod solemn. “I’ll protect you, Alexei.” Alexei couldn’t help it. He kissed him again, hungry and obsessive and wanting the vampire in his arms so much it physically hurt.

Jay whimpered again into his mouth as Alexei set an easy rhythm. “Is that good, kitten?” “Uh-huh. Yeah. Yes. But I should— For you. I should be making you feel good.” Alexei’s laugh was low and throaty. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted you on my lap like this? You are making me feel good, kitten. The way you smell. The way you look right now, flushed and fucked out and desperate. Move your hips. Just like that. Fuck into my fist. We’re not stopping until your cum is coating us both.”

“Like I said,” Alexei murmured. “Gorgeous.” Jay felt too good to protest this time. So relaxed. So content. So full. He smiled back at Alexei, probably a little goofily. “I think you’re the nicest human I’ve ever met.” Alexei laughed then. A full laugh, easy and smooth. “I’m really, really not. But I like being nice to you.” Jay liked it too.

And Jay watched everyone, happy to be surrounded by such nice vampires. He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve it—or rather, he did know he hadn’t done a single thing—but he felt very lucky anyway.

“You’re dating someone?” Danny finally asked, reaching a hand out to grab Roman’s arm for some reason. Jay cocked his head, considering. “Well, I’m not sure if it’s dating, exactly. I’m biting him, and he’s teaching me about sex and also some cooking. Or maybe baking?”

“Stop doing that,” Jay snapped, then slapped his hand over his mouth in horror. Oh no. Oh no, no, no. He did not snap at his friends. That wasn’t acceptable behavior. Not one bit. Rude boy. Not fit for company. Vee’s voice in his head sounded almost gleeful chastising him. Of course it did. She’d always loved finding fault. And there was so much fault to find.

Jay resisted the urge to raise his voice. “You can’t blame her for everything.” “Can you honestly tell me it has nothing to do with her?” Jay couldn’t, and it made him almost angry that he couldn’t. So much of his personality could be attributed to one person. One person who hadn’t even loved him. Not really. He knew that, somewhere underneath the loyalty and the long-standing habit of his devotion.

Alexei was a fucking goner. And it wasn’t just the revelation of sex with Jay that had him spiraling. It was the mind-blowing realization that Jay was so much more than he had seemed (and what he’d seemed to be had already been captivating enough).

“He watches you just as much” was all Alicia said, winking as she set off to make his drink. An uncomfortable amount of warmth bloomed in Alexei’s chest at her words. Fucking hell. How pathetic he was, to be that desperate for any sign he was special to Jay.

He wasn’t really all that surprised when a black cloud of scowling café manager sat down at Alexei’s table. He sipped his espresso calmly while Colin tried to murder him with his eyes alone.

“Why is everyone acting like he’s a babe in the woods and I’m the big, bad wolf? He’s my elder by hundreds of years.”

Colin nodded glumly, pinching at his lip. “Need to find myself another vampire,” he muttered, more to himself than to Alexei.

“This is the most I’ve ever heard you speak,” Alexei said a bit pointedly. “I could say the same for you. I speak when it’s important.” Alexei nodded in understanding. “He’s important.” “He is.” On that they could agree.