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Kindle Notes & Highlights
Consistency alone is not enough to create reliability; it must also be consistency in terms of the client’s preferences, not just the provider’s.
The more a provider can do to understand and relate to the usually unconscious norms of the client, the more the client will feel at ease and experience a sense of reliability.
Send meeting materials in advance so that the client has the option of reviewing them in advance, saving meeting time for substantive discussions.
Make sure meetings have clear goals, not just agendas, and ensure the goals are met.
The most common failure in building trust is the lack of intimacy.
Intimacy is more about who we are than any other aspect of trust.
People in senior positions appreciate candor, but candor isn’t necessarily intimacy, and they value that even more.
any form of preoccupation with our own agenda is focusing on something other than the client, and it will reduce trust directly.
Clients don’t open up just because we listen, not even existing clients. They have to think we’re worth talking to on this issue. Some trigger has to be pulled in the mind of the client so that he or she will open up to us, in particular.
Just having a meeting isn’t enough. If you can’t add value, postpone the meeting. Wait until you can add value. It will be worth the wait.
We must listen effectively, and be perceived to be listening effectively, before we can proceed with any advisory process.
Reflective listening demonstrates clarity and communicates back to the speaker that his or her message has been heard and that the impact, implications, and emotions that are connected with the issue are also well understood. (“What I hear you saying is…”) Supportive listening demonstrates empathy and shows that the listener not only understands why the client feels a particular way about an issue or problem but also that he or she will help the client feel comfortable with that point of view. (“Gee, that must be tough!”) Listening for possibility demonstrates insight and suggests to the
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An agenda should never be presented without discussion.
Naming and claiming is characterized by three factors: An acknowledgment of the difficulty of raising the issue An acceptance of the responsibility for raising it A direct statement of the issue itself
Always tell the exact truth about what you can (and can’t) do, and when you can (and can’t) deliver. Sometimes in an effort to get the work, we say yes to work that can only be completed (if at all) with great personal pain. It’s not worth it. Repeat: It’s not worth it. One more time, for emphasis: It’s not worth it. Start the project before you’ve been engaged. Show your enthusiasm. It’s a great client; it’s work you like; it’s work you wanted; they asked you to do it. What could be better? Ask the questions that are troubling you earlier rather than later. Don’t be afraid to reveal your
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So much of our time is spent focusing on ourselves, and so much of other people’s time is spent focusing on themselves, that it is a rare and surprising event whenever someone breaks the veil. Sincere interest in another person comes across strikingly simply because it is unusual.
Are there any topics I should avoid because they are too delicate to discuss in a large forum? Are there any topics on which the views of your colleagues are significantly divided? Where are we likely to encounter the most resistance? Do you have any initiatives already going on that might interact with the discussion of this one?
What is the client’s prevailing personal motivation? What is their personality? How does the state of their organization affect their worldview?
It is said that good acting is not lying, but focusing on the one aspect of your personality or character that is needed for the role, and then suppressing the other aspects of your personality. This is good advice. Don’t fake it, lie, or misrepresent, but find that part of you that can empathize in this situation.
How highly does my client value me for my objective, unbiased, clear opinions, considering me to be a haven of credibility? How highly does my client value me for my track record with him, my integrity in doing what I said I’d do? How highly does my client value the fact that he can talk to me about just about anything, without fear of embarrassment or breach of confidentiality? How highly does my client value the fact that I am on his side, that I am in this for him or her?
the best selling technique is to think not about selling, but about commencing the service process.
clients prefer to buy based on a sample—and the more complex, esoteric, high-priced, risky, and personal the product or service, the more that is true.
clients want a business partner, not a false friend.
If you can’t say it back in a way that has the speaker replying, “Yes, that’s it, that’s exactly what I’m saying,” you haven’t listened.
Anyone who understands us has earned the right to engage in discussion and to be heard in return, even to argue with us. Anyone who empathizes with us has earned the right to disagree with us and still have our respect. They have greatly increased the odds of changing our mind.
to be a good advisor we have to pay attention to three things in every conversation: our client’s words and actions (we would include feelings), our own words and actions (and feelings), and our client’s reaction to our words and actions.
always start by sharing your idea of an agenda for the meeting and openly (and sincerely) asking the client to add his or her ideas to the agenda.
Advisors who are willing to notice things outside their particular realm of expertise (and to naturally express that interest) make an impression on the client. The impression is that such advisors care, because, in fact, they do.
The emotional subtext of open-ended questions is one of respect; the listener pays the speaker the respect of allowing the speaker to set the frames of reference: his or her worldview, the sense of what is important and what isn’t, what came first and what comes later, what is cause and what is effect.
Promptness of reply is a plus in any business; it suggests you are paying attention, efficient, well organized.
