The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love

by bell hooks

Studies indicate that patriarchal fathers are rarely killed by their children; mothers

are murdered more, for the rage many males feel from father shaming is usually transferred to female authority figures.

Men who are whole can speak their fear without shame. They do not need to wear the false mask of fearlessness.

Responsible men are capable of self-criticism. If more men were doing the work of self-critique, then they would not be wounded, hurt, or chagrined when critiqued by others, especially women with whom they are intimate.

Good Men can be somewhat disturbing to be around because they usually do not act in ways associated with typical men; they listen more than they talk; they self-reflect on their behavior and motives, they actively educate themselves about women’s reality by seeking out women’s culture and listening to women…. They avoid using women for vicarious emotional expression….