The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love

by bell hooks

Hating men was just another way to not take men and masculinity seriously.

I read the first part of this book on my kindle and then left it at my mom’s house and had to finish it elsewhere. please do not take the fact that my highlights are only from the first 10 pages where she criticizes feminism to indicate my thoughts

And feminism had taught me that I could forget about him, turn away from him. In turning away from my dad, I turned away from a part of myself. It is a fiction of false feminism that we women can find our power in a world without men, in a world where we deny our connections to men.

Men cannot change if there are no blueprints for change. Men cannot love if they are not taught the art of loving.

Usually rage, grief, and unrelenting disappointment lead women and men to close off the part of themselves that was hoping to be touched and healed by male love. They learn then to settle for whatever positive attention men are able to give. They learn to overvalue it. They learn to pretend that it is love. They learn how not to speak the truth about men and love. They learn to live the lie.