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August 1 - October 11, 2023
The Librarian liked being best man. You were allowed to kiss bridesmaids, and they weren’t allowed to run away. He was really disappointed when Vimes ignored him.
’Cos that’s what a dog is, really. Half a wolf and half a human.
“I got the Power,” said Gaspode. “You know that. I’ll do it. I’ll use it.” “There’s no time for this!” snarled Angua. “You won’t do it,” said Big Fido. “I’ll do it.”
“SIT!” said Gaspode, in passable Human. The command bounced back and forth around the alley, and fifty percent of the animals obeyed. In most cases, it was the hind fifty percent. Dogs in mid-spring found their treacherous legs coiling under them— “BAD DOG!”
Dogs are not like cats, who amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw.
BIG FIDO? “Yes?” HEEL.
what, not long before, had been Acting-Constable Cuddy. Colon gave the body a cautious prod. It didn’t move. Nothing looking like that should move.
They looked at the limp shape in his hands. He laid it carefully on a bench, without saying a word, and went and sat in a corner. While the others gathered round the mortal remains of Acting-Constable Cuddy, the troll removed his homemade cooling helmet and sat staring at it, turning it over and over in his hands.
If you have to look along the shaft of an arrow from the wrong end, if a man has you entirely at his mercy, then hope like hell that man is an evil man. Because the evil like power, power over people, and they want to see you in fear. They want you to know you’re going to die. So they’ll talk. They’ll gloat.
It struck Vimes much later that the last thing any man of sense would do was fight an Assassin.
Curiously enough, Assassins learned hardly any unarmed combat. They were generally good enough at armed combat not to need it. Gentlemen bore arms; only the lower classes used their hands.
Carrot nodded. “Yes. But personal isn’t the same as important.”
The doors shattered. A six-foot iron arrow passed Carrot and Vimes and removed a large section of wall on the far side of the courtyard. A couple of blows removed the rest of the gates, and Detritus stepped through. He looked around at the assembled Assassins, a red glow in his eyes. And growled.
“The Watch to be brought up to an establishment strength of fifty-six; the old Watch Houses at the River Gate, the Deosil Gate and the Hubwards Gate to be re-opened and manned on a twenty-four hour basis—” The Patrician’s smile remained, but his face seemed to pull away from it, leaving it stranded and all alone in the world. “—a department for, well, we haven’t got a name for it yet, but for looking at clues and things like dead bodies, e.g., how long they’ve been dead, and to start with we’ll need an alchemist and possibly a ghoul provided they promise not to take anything home and eat it; a
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“You’re a man interested in words, captain. I’d just invite you to consider something your predecessor never fully grasped.” “Sir?” “Have you ever wondered where the word ‘politician’ comes from?” said the Patrician.
We consider particularly that, this enlarged Watch will need an experienced man in charge who, is held in Esteem by all parts of society and, we are convinced that you should fulfil this Roll. You will therefore take up your Duties immediately as, Commander of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch. This post traditionally carries with it the rank of Knight which, we are minded to resurrect on this one occasion.
“My word!” she said. “A knighthood? Not a moment too soon, either!” “Oh, no! Not me! You know what I think about the so-called aristocrats in this city—
“Dearest Mumm and Dad, Well here is Amazing news for, I am now Captain!!
*The axiom “Honest men have nothing to fear from the police” is currently under review by the Axioms Appeal Board.
