When we want loving attention, like Chris, we are feeling certain sensations in our body—perhaps the aching of longing around the heart, as well as excitement and openness. When the answer to our need and desire is no, the physical sensations of contraction we experience are intense. We feel shame—the desire to hide—and the danger of fear. When we experience this wanting and not getting over and over, we make an enduring association:Our wanting leads to fear and shame. This intense cluster of reactive feelings, locked in the body, forms the energetic core of a wanting self.
