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“I’ve never let myself be fully selfish with your body,” he whispers, “but right now, the wolf is going to be a wolf.”
“Do you trust me?”
“I have to,” I whisper. “Yes, you do.”
“You take everything I give you, don’t you?”
I want to take everything he can give me.
To make him...
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“You won’t like everything I want to do to you, that I will do to you, but I’ll always reward you for being the good girl you are. No matter how bad you become
from being around me, you’re my good fucking girl.”
I have no idea what will happen to us, but Lex is opening me up to a world I never knew existed. One where the risk of losing my freedom is the most freedom I’ve ever felt.
They knew he’d burn me. Money has kept me alive while simultaneously killing me. I’d give it all up, and I have. There’s no more beyond what I took, and I’m fine with it.”
Because he “supported” me, I had to accept the pain. I had to change, not the
one inflicting the abuse. Fuck Lex for thinking I was somehow shielded from pain because of fucking money.
No, it was the root of all evil in my family ...
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I don’t want to participate in a competition about who had the worst childhood. Clearly he did, but it doesn’t negate what happened to me. And I feel negated. We chose different paths—I chose complacency, and he chose violence—but we both chose murder, and that’s where our paths cross.
“I didn’t make you fuck me or stab your husband. I didn’t make you come with me or stab that man. If you’re going to stay with me, you need to start accepting what you are.” “And what the hell am I?”
“You’re no better than me.”
“I just wanted to protect you . . .” I whisper.
“You already knew I’d kill for you, and now I know you’ll kill for me.”
“And as sexy as it is, don’t ever ignore me again when I tell you to leave.” “But—” “But nothing, rabbit. If I tell you to go, you go. Do you hear
me? If he’d killed me, what would he have done to a girl like you, huh? If it were me? Shit. I’d have fucked you half to death out of principle. So I need you to listen ...
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I’ve never felt guilt, nor true remorse, until I met her. I hate seeing pieces of myself in Selena. Her good pieces mix with my bad.
“I know you aren’t scared of me. You’re scared of yourself. Afraid of what you’re capable of.”
“You’re capable of anything, rabbit. You can be the sweet woman who
softens me and the unsavory—sometimes homicidal—little rabbi...
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“Stop, Selena. Stop fucking running from what you are when you never ran from what I am. You have darkness inside you, whether it’s in here”—I graze her chest before lowering my hand to her pussy—“or in here.”
“What’s going to happen to us?”
“Nothing, Selena. I won’t let anything happen to us. Do you trust me?” “Not really.” Her lips tick up in a small smile.
“Yes you do, bunny,”
“Tell me with your words, bunny. You know I like to hear it.”
“I want you to come on my face, Lex.”
“You’re mine, Selena. You know that, right?”
“I’m yours,” she whispers,
“This is why this life isn’t meant for you. You have to put yourself first and anyone else beneath you.”
“Actually, I’m failing at that, too. I put you above me. Can’t even take my own fucking advice. You give me the humanity I don’t need or want.” He sighs. “But I can’t turn back now. Not with you here.”
“I know you’re going to fight me about it, tooth and fucking nail, but you can’t stay with me, Selena.”
“I know you want to, and I want you to as well, but you can’t. I thought you had to fear the wolf, but there are bigger predators out there than me. I have to keep you safe. It’s the one thing I promised myself I’d do, and it’s the one thing I’m not going back on.”
“Nope, I’m not accepting that bullshit excuse to...
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“What more of me do you have to see to know you need to run? This isn’t safe. I’m not safe.”
“What do I have to do to make you hate me?” “There’s nothing you can do, Lex,”
“Don’t call yourself a predator when you can’t handle your prey.”
“I don’t want you to fuck me if it’s going to be the last,”
She’s the only thing in my life that feels right. Safe. And she can’t be.
“I want you to forget me after tonight.”
“No, Lex.”
“I can’t forget you. I’ll remember you whenever my hands touch cool mud. I’ll think of you when the leaves crunch beneath my feet. Whenever I run...
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“Rabbit, don’t say th...
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“What can I do to get you to let me go? How can I make you forget me?” “You’d have to kill me,”
Whatever all this is to her, it’s somehow worth dying for.
“I said I’d do anything for you, but I can’t do the one thing I need to do,”
But Lex saw something else in me. Something I couldn’t even see. Lex is someone I should stay far away from, but I see things in him he can’t either. His darkness deserves some light.
