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“My name… my name is Halo.” “Figures. Some shit like that fits you.” “What does that mean?” I wondered aloud, furrowing my brows in the process. That hadn’t been in the studies of behavior, expressions, and logic. “Shit, really. Your mother was spot on when she named you. It fits you,” he clarified. “How so?” Surprisingly, I challenged, still not understanding. “Alecic. Soft-natured. Gentle. Fragile. Mild-mannered. I’d use those words to describe what’s in front of me. Their relation to an actual halo isn’t coincidental. The name suits you.” “You just met me.”
“But, it is. I want it to be. I need it to be,” I admitted. “Whatever you want, pretty lady. It’s your world.” You’re in control. I quickly translated his words. He was suggesting that I was in complete control, not understanding just how much those words meant to me. What this moment meant for me. “Let’s roll.”
As he spoke, he pulled me into a hug, wrapping his arms around me and holding me tightly. Please don’t let go.
“Listen to you for what? Fuck that nigga. Fuck his kids. Fuck his bitch. Fuck his family. And, fuck you for wanting to be a part of it after thirty-something years. Nigga, we’re not kids no more. We’re grown-ass men. The fuck I need a daddy for now? I ain’t been had one.
“Le… Ledge,” I choked out. “Long time no see,” he tittered. His eyes left my face briefly, landing on my protruding belly before they raced back up to meet mine. Nervously, I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. Suddenly, I wished I’d followed Kamber to the restroom because my bladder was about to burst. “Looks like you’re about to pop. How far along?” “Eight months,” I blurted, immediately chastising myself. Why, Halo? My nerves splintered, leaving me to vomit words in an attempt to mask my undoing.
“The life they deserve,” I added, the thought of my father not being around leading me. “Right.” “I can handle that. She doesn’t have to worry about any of our child’s expenses. I got that. I just want to make sure they’re both healthy and everything is good.”
So that her mother could have the chance to see how much beauty the world has to offer. So that her mother has the chance to experience a better life through her eyes. So that her mother could begin to heal through her.
We’ve both got scars, I discovered. Wounds that still need healing.
“Sometimes, I cry knowing that the normalcy that I dream of in my sleep is impossible for me and being the woman that you could love for a lifetime is just too big of a task for me to fulfill. Not contacting you wasn’t all about the baby. It was about me, too. Knowing that I was as messed up as I am and could not be someone you deserved made my heart hurt.”
“I’m not asking you to be anyone other than yourself. I like you just the way you are. Whatever you’ve dreamed of, it's possible to make it a reality. Even if we have to tailor it a little bit, that’s our damn business. I’ve never been into traditional shit. Let’s make this work… our way.”
“You trying to fuck with a nigga for a lifetime?” “I’d like that.” She blushed. “Me too. I want us to try to figure this shit out together. I’m as lost as you are when it comes to this parenting thing, but I don’t want to do it separa...
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“Trying and trying and trying again. For not giving up on me. For not being upset about the pregnancy. For not being upset that I didn’t tell you. For letting me into your home. For giving me room to grow, feel, discover, and heal.”
“I couldn’t see myself bowing out again. I wanted this too bad. This… exactly this. And, whatever it took to get it, I was ready to face. I love you, Halo. I’ve never loved a woman in my entire life. My mother was the only woman I’ve ever truly loved and that love is nothing in comparison to this one. The thought of you not being in my world makes me sick to my stomach, physically ill. The thought of us never making this work the way it has leaves me repulsed. “I knew I was fucked when I realized everything you considered a flaw of yours happened to be something I found beauty in. The
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Black love at its finest. This is the type of thing that the world wants us to believe isn’t possible or real. Health. Wealth. Love. And Light amongst us.”
“Make me fall in love with you a little more with every word that comes out of your mouth?” “The same way you do it, love. Some shit we don’t have to force. It’s there. Plain and simple. We’re facing the inevitable. Roll with it.”
She’s mine. I couldn’t get that out of my head. All mine.
