The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Hitchhiker's Guide, #1)

by Douglas Adams

He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.

Arthur remained very worried. ‘But can we trust him?’ he said. ‘Myself, I’d trust him to the end of the Earth,’ said Ford. ‘Oh yes,’ said Arthur, ‘and how far’s that?’ ‘About twelve minutes away,’ said Ford. ‘Come on, I need a drink.’

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. It says that the effect of drinking a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick.

‘This must be Thursday,’ said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer, ‘I never could get the hang of Thursdays.’

A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have.

The terror moved slowly through the gathered crowds as if they were iron filings on a sheet of board and a magnet was moving beneath them.

If they don’t keep exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working.

I’ve just had an unhappy love affair, so I don’t see why anybody else should have a good time.

‘They’ve got as much sex appeal as a road accident.

The simple truth is that interstellar distances will not fit into the human imagination.

‘Ford,’ he said, ‘you’re turning into a penguin. Stop it.’

Arthur had jammed himself against the door to the cubicle, trying to hold it closed, but it was ill-fitting. Tiny furry little hands were squeezing themselves through the cracks, their fingers were inkstained; tiny voices chattered insanely. Arthur looked up. ‘Ford,’ he said, ‘there’s an infinite number of monkeys outside who want to talk to us about this script for Hamlet they’ve worked out.’

‘Hey, they’re shooting at us,’ said Arthur, crouching in a tight ball. ‘I thought they said they didn’t want to do that.’ ‘Yeah, I thought they said that,’ agreed Ford. Zaphod stuck a head up for a dangerous moment. ‘Hey,’ he said, ‘I thought you said you didn’t want to shoot us!’ and ducked again. They waited. After a moment a voice replied, ‘It isn’t easy being a cop!’ ‘What did he say?’ whispered Ford in astonishment. ‘He said it isn’t easy being a cop.’ ‘Well surely that’s his problem, isn’t it?’ ‘I’d have thought so.’