First Love

by Ivan Turgenev

‘Take for yourself what you can, and don’t be ruled by others; to belong to oneself – the whole savour of life lies in that,’ he said to me one day.

There is a sweetness in being the sole source, the autocratic and irresponsible cause of the greatest joy and profoundest pain to another,

But others only say what they would do, while I have done it. And what more would I not do for her?’ My fancy set to work. I began picturing to myself how I would save her from the hands of enemies; how, covered with blood I would tear her by force from prison, and expire at her feet.

All the fair blossoms of my heart were roughly plucked at once, and lay about me, flung on the ground, and trampled underfoot.