There Is Also a Dog

by Kayley Loring

The plot of every Hallmark movie is about a career woman who is too busy for love but she has to move to a small town where a handsome local bachelor teaches her about the true spirit of the holiday. It starts snowing and they kiss. There is also a dog.

To every dog I’ve ever fallen in love with at first sight… Just because you live with some other human, that doesn’t mean we aren’t soulmates. ;)

I’m not a dick. I just don’t see what all the holiday fuss is about.

That’s me living my best life in my happy place, and if you think I’m doing it wrong, then fight me.

Blech.

You charge your family to stay in your cabin?

Only my dad’s side of the family. They’re assholes. From New York ;)

“Is ‘dog’ slang for penis?”

“Ten minutes?! Jilly, it’s Christmas Eve. Take a fifteen-minute vibrator break.” “What’s a vibrator?” I hear my seven-year-old niece ask her through the pantry door.

The real true crime is that you aren’t sitting on my face right now.

I AM a Kool & the Gang fan, and this isn’t my first router death rodeo.

I’m a naughty girl who doesn’t like Christmas, and I am ready for my spanking, sir.

When I was about to pull her top off, and she stopped me to ask if she could give Agnes some of her leftover chicken, I just about dropped to one knee and begged her to marry me.

epilogue - agnes

I love my life and j’adore Noël! Mon Dieu! I do not very much understand ze concept of “time,” but I cannot believe zat eet has been only one year since we met Mademoiselle Jillian.

She is so very good at tossing things for me to fetch. (Snort) And giving me ze salmon (slurp) and she rub my head avec both hands exactement ze way I like eet and also she does not make fun of me when I pass ze gas from my derrière. (Poot!)