Our Scorching Summer (Perks & Benefits #2)

by Kels Stone

Letting him in more and more has felt so complicated, but I don’t know how I would’ve survived the past few weeks without him.

I won’t give up on her. Ever.

“If she’s worth it, you’ll wait forever.”

I look over at Lily, who’s already sliding into the back of the cab. When she notices me watching, she flashes one of her smiles at me, and I know, as intuitively as breathing, I’d give a lifetime for her.

If reassurance is what Lily needs, I will give it to her. Patience may not be my strong suit, but what’s the point of rushing something I want to spend the rest of my life savoring?

“You’re not alone. Please, please rely on that. Please believe me.”

“Your problems are our problems, princesa, whatever label you want us to wear.”

“You may not like hearing this, but the person you’ve grown into this summer is much more complex and beautiful than a set of carefully planned identities. I like every part of you I’ve seen. So yeah, love, you may have walls, but after spending every day with you for over two months, I can see those walls are made of glass.”

“Glass is fragile and breaks easily.” Maybe that’s exactly who I am now, the same girl I was ten years ago, shattered into a million pieces across the kitchen floor.

“It doesn’t crack under pressure, and it doesn’t shatter when held by the right people.” “Are we still talking about glass?” “We’re talking about my favorite person in the world with a mind so sharp, it’s caused me to drop to my knees on several occasions.”

“I’m yours.” It’s both a truth and a lie. We both know I am Nico’s in the rawest part of my soul, despite the web of complications hanging between us. But commitments aren’t carnal. They’re not a dip in the ocean of lust. They’re something more; they have to be. It’s not as simple as this. It can’t be

We kiss for what feels like hours, savoring every drop of each other, until silent cracks form in my chest. The rusted clatter of a key against a lock and then, between the swollen touch of our lips, the inevitable fall of a chain.

There, in the gaping crevice of my rib cage, is my heart, already in Nico’s gentle embrace. Because I love Nico, and I think he loves me.

“You’re the most important thing to ever happen to me, princesa

“I’m yours, Lily.” Nico forces a vicious thrust into me, knotting the nerves in my body together in a way that only he knows how to pull apart. “And you’re mine.” “I am, Nico.” I moan in a torturous sob. “Always.”

“There’s never going to be anyone else but you.” Nico collapses on top of me. A soft press of his lips against the damp skin of my cheek. There’s never going to be anyone else like you, either.

We may have seen a lot of beauty around the world this summer, but nothing holds a candle to Lily.

She fell asleep in my arms, and while her soft breath warmed my chest, I stared at the sky, waiting for a star to fall so I could make another wish to go with the one I made at the beginning of summer. Cut Lily some slack. Selfishly, I wanted to ask for her to have another moment with me. A lifetime of them.

She glows as if dropped here from heaven itself. All I want to do is reach her, help her burn brighter, and make her happy. I’m so ridiculously in love with her.

“I was reading that Aphrodite lost the love of her life here.” Her voice is a bright melody. “Okay, morbid.” “Love’s always a little morbid.” She runs her fingers beneath the stream, and my heart aches at her words.

My brother was right. I need to tell her how I feel. Maybe it’ll be enough to make her understand we aren’t temporary. Or maybe I should finally show her the letters and lists I’ve been writing in her journal this summer.

“Lily.” I reach for the soft tilt of her jaw, bringing her face close to mine. “It would destroy me to lose you.”

“I don’t want to lose you either, but summer flings aren’t permanent.” “You were never a summer fling.” My lips try to lift slightly, but gravity forces them into a straight line. I sigh, doing my best to figure out how to break through the walls she’s put up between us.

The first time I fall in love, I find the kind of love I’m certain only comes once in a lifetime, if you’re lucky. And my love looks back at me, trying to convince herself that she can’t be with me.

“I don’t know, Nico. I’ve never been in a healthy relationship before.” “Me either, but I’ve never wanted to become a better man for someone. I’ve never wanted to keep my phone on me because I thought it was important to be present, but there is no present without you. You’ve made me responsible, and before you say anything, it’s not because I want to change just for you.”

“I want to change for me too. You’ve made me understand the value of having a best friend, of taking care of someone, a constant, someone I can share my adventures with, and someone to call me out on my bullshit.”

“I support you, my girl. I really do. But you don’t have to be on your own.” I take a step closer and lean my forehead to hers. “I didn’t get the privilege of being your first love, of showing you exactly how you should’ve been treated, but I want to be your last.”

“I’m just afraid of being in a relationship right now. I need to go home, back to the safety of my routine, so that I can attempt to process the past few months. It wouldn’t feel right committing to you without gaining some more footing in my life first.” “I would never let you lose yourself.”

I can’t reach for her. I can’t keep trying to latch myself onto her in the hopes that she’ll ditch the idea that working on herself while being with me is impossible.

“I’m afraid that we’ll be away from each other, and this summer will fall into the back of our minds like some dream.” That’s definitely not fucking happening to me. I know what I feel for her is real.

stare at her for a long moment. Remembering each freckle painting her nose and cheeks. Memorizing the specks of forest green in her eyes, which stare at me with such potent sadness. I force my mind away from everything that could’ve gone differently today. What if I didn’t bring up my feelings for her? What if I just pretended everything was fine? What if I made an effort to fight harder right now? Would she take the chance on our future? But it’s pointless

That’s not what I want anymore—random hookups and dazed mornings. It was lonely and mechanical. Nothing like the way I felt this summer.

More and more, I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll ever work up the courage to follow in the footsteps of Julia Roberts’s character in my favorite movie and take a risk on love. No matter how unpredictable things may be for Nico and me.

I miss just being in the same room with him. I don’t think I was really able to conceptualize just how overwhelming the distance between us would feel.

Nico spent the summer being patient with me and proving to me, time and time again, that he was willing to grow and change, but I pushed him away.

I couldn’t even consider the possibility that working on myself and loving him could co-exist in the same space in my life. Could they?

Don’t people say you have to be whole before loving someone else? I force myself to feel the ache in my chest as the realization that I deserve a healthy lo...

I deserve to work through my fears about the lawsuit. I deserve to finally silence Chuck’s voice in my head, figure out college, and ack...

How could I have been so foolish as to not let Nico in when he practically begged to he...

Relearning how to think about love through therapy and storytelling has been liberating.

It may be time for me to fully be Lily Rodin, whether it’s in writing or falling in love. I want to be myself, the girl I was before the heartbreak. The girl who put her heart on the line and dreamed big. No more secrets.

“Alright, Miss Judgmental. When are you finally going to tell your heartthrob Navarro brother about the book you’re writing?”

I want to tell him to drop everything and fly to me right now, but Miriam recommended I wait a few more weeks to regulate my schedule before welcoming him back into my life—however he wants to be a part of

As much as I want to disregard her advice, she’s been right about a lot of things, and I need to give this whole healthy relationship thing a chance. What’s a couple of months when hopefully we’ll have a lifetime together?

I know I need to prepare for the possibility that Nico won’t want to pick up where we left off. However, I hope that he’ll still consider giving me a chance after the time I took to heal.

I may not be perfect, but I’m willing to put in the work now. The same way Nico did this summer. He committed to growing for himself and for me, but I foolishly didn’t think I needed to change. I owe myself, and whatever future I hope to have with him, the opportunity to let go of the toxic coping mechanisms I’ve relied on for almost a decade.

I put walls up around me, pretending I was some kind of heartless woman who was stronger without vulnerabilities. But emotions don’t make you less than, they make you human. Feeling them and experiencing them is healthy. Asking for support is a sign of bravery, not weakness.

Her eyes lock on mine, and it feels like I’m standing on the ledge of a plane waiting to jump. The familiar hum of adrenaline from simply being next to her returns to my veins.

“I want to kiss you too.” “I haven’t been with anyone and—” “Oh, shut up and kiss me, Lily Rodin.” Her eyes light up, and in that moment, it’s like we’re back to speaking our own private language like no time has passed.

My mind takes me to the secret place we built this summer. The one filled with her laughter, her smile, her jokes, her filthy mouth, and blunt edges. The same place I fell in love with her, recklessly and passionately.