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Liam sets his glass down and glances between Xaden and me, shaking his head as he fights a smile. Of course he knows what’s going on. He’d have to be completely oblivious not to, considering he helped Xaden and Garrick move in the new armoire.
“If you’d just man up and admit there’s something between us, I would strip down to my skin so you could see every single inch of me. And once I had you begging, I’d drop down to my knees, undo those flight leathers you’re wearing, and wrap my lips around—” Xaden chokes. Every head in the dining hall turns his way,
I grin, which earns me about six looks of confusion from our table and one set of rolled eyes from Liam. “You’re going to be the death of me.”
“Take me to bed,” I mentally blurt out,
“It might be awkward in front of all these people.”
“Graduation is ten days away.” The approaching deadline has me on edge. “I would have temporarily pulled riders from the midland posts to help rebuild the wards,” Rhiannon answers. “Don’t remind me.” “Excellent.” Devera nods. “Are you seriously going to leave Basgiath without—” Without what? Declaring his undying…lust? “Yes.”
“Whatever you’re thinking can wait until there’s not a room of people between us,” he says.
She carries a rebellion relic, and definitely isn’t the daughter of the woman who killed his father, so she has that going for her, too.
“Sorrengail,” Xaden snaps. I freeze, feeling the weight of every gaze on me.
“Third-years are taught to build wards, and at this point in the year, they’re leaving anyway.” I shrug. “May as well send them early so they can be of use.”
“Point fucking made.”
“Anything I need to know about what’s going on between you and…” Liam raises his eyebrows at me as we gather our things. “Absolutely nothing is going on between us. Not one damn thing,” I insist. If Xaden doesn’t want to see if there might be more between us, message received.
I’m going to rip Xaden’s gorgeous head off for forcing Liam through this.
“No trouble,” I answer, earning a swift glare from Mom. “He’s our wingleader, actually. He saved my life when we were on the front lines at Montserrat.” By making me leave instead of staying to help, but still, he deserves the credit for me not distracting Mira and getting her, myself, and Tairn killed. Xaden’s done more than save me. He believed me when I told him Amber led the unbondeds to my room. He had an entire arsenal of daggers crafted just for me. He designed a saddle for Tairn so I can ride into battle with my peers. He’d protected me when I needed and taught me to defend myself so I
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“Xaden didn’t make me come.” “What?” My gaze jumps to his. “He’d never ask this of me. Never ask it of anyone. But I told him I would keep you safe, and that’s what I’m doing, keeping you safe.” He flashes a crooked smile. “You are a good friend, Liam Mairi.” I rest my head on his arm.
I open my eyes, tracing the ebb and flow of that shimmering shadow, and I know he’s somewhere in front of me.
“You’re not going to want to see him. Not tonight, Sorrengail,” Garrick warns with a grimace. “Self-preservation is a thing. Notice we’re not with him, and we’re his best friends.”
“Yeah, well, I’m his…” I open my mouth and shut it a few times because…fuck if I know what I am to him. But the longing that holds my heart hostage, this driving need to be at his side because I know he’s suffering, no matter if it means throwing myself headfirst into uncertainty…I can’t deny what he is to me. I kick off the leather slippers of my dress uniform—they’re more of a hazard than anything, and in this wind? Well, we’ll see how it goes. “I’m just…his.”
But I see him sitting about a third of the way across the narrow stone bridge, staring up at the moon like it somehow adds to the burden he carries, and my heart fucking hurts. He had the lives of all one hundred and seven marked ones carved into his back, taking responsibility for them. But who takes responsibility—takes care—of him?
The last time I stood here, I was terrified, but the distance to the ground isn’t what has my pulse pounding now. There’s more than one way to fall. Shit. That ache in my chest burns brighter than the power coursing through my veins.
I’m in love with Xaden.
Xaden’s head snaps in my direction. “Violence?”
Xaden swings his legs up and then fucking jumps to his feet. “Turn around right now!” he shouts.
It doesn’t scare me. I like him better when he’s real with me anyway. “And did you stop to think that if you fall and die, then I can die?” He leans in and my pulse jumps.
“I…perhaps did not think that part through as thoroughly as you,” I admit. I wanted to be close to him, so I got close, parapet be damned.
“Only if you do. I want to be wherever you are.” And I mean it. Everyone else—everything else in the world can fall away and I won’t care as long as I’m with him. “Violence…”
You. Want. Me, Xaden Riorson. You might not say it, but you do one better and show it. You show it every time you choose to trust me, every time your eyes linger on mine.
You show it when you refuse to touch me because you’re worried I don’t really want you, then show it again when you take the time to hunt down violets before a leadership meeting so I don’t wake up feeling alone.
But if we let fear kill whatever this is between us, then we don’t deserve it.”
“And you are strong and fierce and have a ruthless streak, too. Not to mention you’re the smartest person I’ve ever met. That mind of yours is sexy as hell.
Are you done pushing me away?” He draws back, searching my eyes in the moonlight before glancing over my shoulder. “You done putting yourself in harm’s way to get your point across?” “Probably not.” He sighs. “There’s only you, Violence. Is that what you needed to hear?”
“I saw Aetos kiss you after Threshing and nearly lost my shit.”
He shakes his head and looks away. “I’m not in a place to take care of anyone tonight. And yes, I know that’s a shitty thing to say, since it’s the anniversary of losing Brennan—” “I know.”
“Come with me, Xaden.” “Vi…” His shoulders dip, and the sadness that permeates the air between us puts a lump in my throat. “Trust me.” I step back out of his arms and take his hands. “Come on.”
“Where are we going?” He sounds just as much the asshole as the day I met him. “You’re taking me to your room,” I say over my shoulder as we approach the dormitory.
“Did you know I can’t stand to hear his name on your lips while you’re leading the way to my room?”
“The better question is how many have I lost,” he says, coming in and closing the door behind him. “There’s the ego I know and love so much,”
“Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?” His voice lowers. “If not, I’m a fool, because you are magnificently beautiful.”
I move between his thighs and run my fingers through his hair. He closes his eyes and leans into my touch, and I swear, I feel my heart crack wide open. “Now I take care of you.”
I had to stand there and watch them go at you three-on-one. I was at the edge of my control and ready to step in when Tairn landed.”
But he took that step. That single step that told me he would have.
“I don’t deserve you.” His arm curls around my hips and he tugs me closer. “But I’m going to keep you all the same.”
His eyes flare wide and his arms tighten around me. “You think? Or you know?” Be brave. Even if he doesn’t feel the same, at least I will have spoken my truth.
I’m so wildly in love with you that I can’t imagine what my life would even look like without you in it. And I probably shouldn’t have said that, but if we’re doing this, then we’re starting from a place of complete honesty.”
“Oh gods.” “Which one are you calling out for?” he asks against my flesh. “Because it’s just you and me in this room, Vi, and I don’t share.”
“You.” My fingers tangle in his hair. “I’m calling out for you.” “I appreciate the elevation to deity, but my name will do.”
“You already have me.” His gaze collides with mine as he hovers above me, bracing his weight to keep from crushing me. “You have everything I have to give.” That’s enough…for now. I nod, arching my hips again.
“Unless there’s someone else throwing lightning around, then yeah, that was you. See what I mean? Explosive.” He laughs.
my guess is they’ll order the older years to staff the mid-guard posts, so you shouldn’t be out in formation too long. I can’t stand the thought of you being cold.”
I don’t argue about him buttoning the flight jacket over my chest.
