Dig

by L.A. Ferro

You take it so good." She whimpers into my neck as her nails dig into my back, and she says, "Don't stop." My jaw clenches for two reasons. One: she's a dirty freak, and I love it, and two: I never want to fuck anyone else for the rest of my life. I feel it in the depths of my soul. "What do you want from me, baby?" I shove in hard. "You're the only one that's ever had me like this. Is that what you want to hear?" Her legs are still wrapped tightly around my back, nails digging hard enough to draw blood.

"Aria, tell me." I pull her chin up so that her eyes are on mine. She closes her eyes to shut me out before saying, "I um, I um, well, that was only my third orgasm." Now my heart feels like it's about to gallop right out of my chest—until she starts to pull away. I roll on top of her, pinning her down so she can't escape me. "Pretty girl, when was your first?" It had to have been in the back of my truck. My fingers were soaked, and I'd never had a girl respond to me the way she did. "Holden, please." I lean down and kiss her forehead, her cheeks, and her nose. "Tell me." Those beautiful eyes land on mine before she says, "Saturday." Fuck, that might be just as good as taking her virginity. Knowing I'm the only man who's ever pleasured her in that way wrecks me. "Tell me something? Am I the only man who's had you naked?" I kiss her neck, before trailing my lips up to the shell of her ear. As I make my way to her jaw, she lets out a breathy "Yes."

I want all of her. I need all of her. She's my own personal heaven on earth, and I don't want to let her go.

I don't want to waste a moment. I've been so broken for so long I forgot what it felt like to be alive. My tongue tangles with hers one more time before I pull back and lean my forehead against hers. "I'm forever yours, Aria."

When you've been in the dark long enough, you start to embrace it. It's easier to hide your scars.

It’s been one week since Holden and I became official. I’m obsessed. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been this happy. Don’t get me wrong; I have a good life. I’m lost, but with Holden, I feel parts of me that I thought I lost coming back. I smile, I laugh, but most importantly, I feel. He makes me feel everything in the best of ways.

I just took Garrett and Colton up on their offer to pay for school. How could I not? Garrett's an intelligent man. I do not doubt that he knew exactly what he was doing, playing off my insecurities. While I do my best to hide them, his job is to smell a lie, and now his studied glares don't feel so misplaced. He saw something in me that he wanted, found what made me tick, and used it. I don't blame him for it. Honestly, I don't know what I want to do with my life, but having a boss in my corner doesn't seem like a bad start. Regardless of how I ended up with my job, as strange as it was, I feel like I've earned his offer, and that's a win.

I’m glad I decided to take a chance on him and let myself have something because, while I might still be incredibly self-conscious, he makes me feel beautiful. The part I haven’t figured out is why. Why is he different? I’ve had other men before him. So why am I giving this one so much? Deep down, I know exactly why. Because, in my mind, he’s the one. I want him to be my forever, but that thought scares the hell out of me. Those are not feelings I should have after knowing someone for a week. The problem is, Holden Hayes is making sure that he is an exception to any and all rules. He doesn’t take ‘no’ for an answer. I think he's convinced we are endgame, and I can tell he doesn’t like it when I brush it off.

Holden is everything. He is the epitome of the perfect guy that every girl thinks doesn’t exist, and for the time, he's mine. I ask myself daily how a guy like him could ever want a girl like me." She swings around, hanger in hand, as she points it at me. "Ari, what the hell are you talking about? You’re a fucking smokehouse, babe." I roll my eyes at her flippant remark, and she doesn’t miss it. "When and why did you start putting yourself down? I’ve noticed it lately and don’t understand where it’s coming from." "Let’s be real, Oli. I am not the girl guys flock to at parties. That's your role—and don’t get me wrong, I’m not mad at you for that. I came to terms with it years ago and learned to accept that I’m the girl that’s just a little too thick."

"No, I don’t think you’re fat. Why would you ask me that?" Then, throwing her hands into the air, she says, "Because we are the exact same size." I shake my head adamantly in response. "No, Oli, I’m about two sizes bigger. My stomach is soft—" She starts unbuttoning her jeans and pulling them down. "What are you doing?" "Apparently, something is wrong with your eyes, so we’re doing this instead. Take your pants off and put these on." She’s standing there in a thong, holding her jeans out for me on one finger to try on. "You’re serious?" I quirk an eyebrow at her. "Do I look like I’m joking?"

I put both feet through the legs and pull them up, and they fit without the need to wiggle. I can even button them without sucking my stomach in. Walking over to the mirror, I stare at myself blankly, but fully entranced. How is it possible that I fit into Oli’s pants? It’s hard to explain how I feel on the inside. But putting on my best friend’s pants, a woman I find incredibly gorgeous, strikes a chord with me. It has me questioning all my ugly thoughts. Where did this hate inside of me come from? I've spent countless hours trying to make myself better, not to be this person, but when I dig deep, all I feel is pain. A pain I don't understand. It’s always felt so misplaced, like it’s not part of me, but I haven’t been able to shake it as hard as I try.

Olivia loudly gasps before throwing her hands over her mouth and shaking her head. "Ari, no. Please tell me you're not still hurting yourself? Do you know how bad this can get?" She now has my hands in hers. "We can get you help. You can go to one of my dad’s facilities. We can beat this. I promise." "Oli, I know I’m sick, and this past week I’ve had to confront it head-on.

Not to mention he always struck me as the kind of guy who, if you weren’t around, wouldn’t hesitate to flirt with another girl." Her words don’t even sting a little. Before I can offer any rebuttal, she adds. "And don't think I'm skimming over your earlier proclamations about guys not paying attention to you at parties. That's crap. We didn't even go to any parties. I think we went to a handful of bonfires, and the few times we did, you wanted to leave five minutes after we got there. Hell, I found you on your phone in the backseat of Spencer's car at the last one we went to. Guys were interested Ari. You weren't. You've never dated anyone that you didn't already know. I'm shocked this Holden guy has made the cut."

Her expression is empathetic. She's not trying to hurt me. She’s trying to understand. Resting her hand atop mine, she says, "Finish the story about Logan." "To make a long story short, I shut off my phone and ghosted him. Then it died, and I hadn't come home. The next morning when I arrived, he had brought the cops to the house and told my parents he thought I was suicidal because of the sickness, which they knew nothing about. Needless to say, when I showed up wearing my new man’s shirt and doing the walk of shame in front of him, my family, and the police, I was livid. I haven’t heard from him, but that week, Spencer and my parents made me go to a doctor and therapist. I’m now going to therapy twice a week and taking anti-depressants." I give her a huge, sarcastic smile before saying, "See? All better." "Fuck Ari, this is all so messed up."

"So, is it helping?" I shrug before answering. "I’m not sure. The pills help, but they also make me lose myself. I forget things, and things I know I usually care about suddenly don’t matter. They make me feel like I’m losing parts of me, and I don’t know, maybe that’s good. Maybe I need to lose parts of me, especially the ones that are damaged, but sometimes it feels like those parts are still there, and then I’m back at square one." Clutching my hand, she interlaces our fingers and says, "Don’t leave me out of this. I know I don’t live here, but I’m the press of a button away. I love you, Ari. You’re my best friend. When the person you are today isn’t the person you were yesterday, and you feel lost and alone, call me. We’ve been friends since we were six years old. I think I can help you find yourself." I squeeze her hand tight as a tear falls down my face.

I bang my head against the stall before answering. "Hello." My voice is meek at best, even though I try to force normalcy into it. "Pretty girl…" Holden's voice is instantly empathetic to my tone. There’s a pause before he says, "Tell me, baby. Please talk to me." When I squeeze my eyes shut, the tears start falling. I’m fucking pathetic. "Aria, let me bring you back, pretty girl. I’m envious of the strength I see in you, your grit that sass, and don’t even get me started on that ass…" That makes me chuckle, and he hears it. "Why didn’t you call me?"

"Holden, I’m sorry I bothered you. I shouldn’t have answered. I’m fine. I’ll call you later." "Aria, don’t you dare—" I hang up the phone. He’s pissed, and I know it. So, I shoot a quick text. Aria: I’m with Olivia. I’ll be okay. I’m sorry. "Did you really just hang up on him?" I nod. "Yeah, I did. I need to find my own strength. He asked why I didn’t call, and that’s the thing. For a second, I considered it, but I’m not his responsibility, and he’s not always going to be around." My chest gets tight from the thought alone. "Aria, call him back. It’s okay to let people help you. If he makes you happy, and he makes you feel good, then that’s not something you should push away."

"I’ve been dealing with this on my own for so long. I’m not trying to shut you out. That’s part of the problem, though, right? You think I’m doing something to you. No one ever understands that my selfishness isn’t because I don’t care about them. It never has anything to do with anyone but me. I don’t think about who I might hurt in the process because I’m too consumed with me." In the background, I hear someone yell, "Hayes we’re on." I know he had a doubleheader tonight, which is another reason I didn’t want to text or call. Holden is dedicated to the sport and doesn’t like distractions. All of this is a distraction. I try to shake off the self-doubt I feel creeping up. I hear him let out a long breath before gently saying, "Aria… I gotta go, pretty girl." My heart feels like it cracks into a million pieces as I hit the end button on the call. I want to cry, but I’m done feeling sorry for myself. This is why I didn’t want to get involved in the first place. I know I’m a lot to handle, and in my present state, I don't have the emotional stability to deal with it either. Fuck my life.

Olivia walks in, dressed and ready to kill. "What did I miss?" She plops down on the opposite side of the bed. "Oh, nothing just Spencer over here trying to win an Oscar for best supporting brother." He throws his arms up in the air in mock surrender. "I’m out. Get ready. We leave at noon." "Seriously, though, Aria. He’s really torn up about all this." I give her a subtle nod of agreement. "I know, trust me. I’m grateful, but I try to make light of it because I know he’s already under so much stress with school. I don’t want him to worry."

His eyes go wide. "Seriously, that’s what you’re wearing to my party?" I already felt self-conscious about leaving the house in shorts. Now I want to go put jeans on. "Spencer!" Olivia scolds. He mutters, "Shit, Aria, that’s not what I meant. What I meant was all the guys are going to be drooling all over you." He waves his hands in front of my body, motioning to my attire. "Since when do you wear booty shorts?" Immediately my cheeks heat, and he must see my insecurity because he adds. "Aria, you look–" He doesn’t get to finish his sentence because Olivia cuts in with, "She looks like a fucking snack." Smacking my ass, she pushes me toward the front door before I have a chance to make a run for my room and change.

"Are you going to be trouble tonight, Aria?" "Pfft… Why would you say that?" I take a long pull from my beer, trying to act unaffected when, in all honesty, Tony will always make me nervous. Boyfriend or not. "Well, for one, you came out of the house looking like that," He rakes his eyes long and slow up my body until his eyes are on mine again, "and I don’t think Spencer can keep us all back, on top of the random guys that will no doubt hit on you tonight." My brow furrows at his insinuation. "What do you mean ‘keep the guys back’?" He takes another drink of his beer before saying, "Every guy in the school knew you were off-limits growing up. The problem is, you're all grown up now, and very much a woman." I nod as if what he’s saying is obvious when, really, I’m stunned. For years, I thought all the guys viewed me as Spencer’s little pain-in-the-ass sister. Not his hot sister, who was off-limits.

I divert my stare across the bike, only to meet Spencer’s tense gaze. His jaw is tight, and his breathing seems shallow, and I gather he just heard our entire conversation. Even Olivia notices, but she didn’t hear my exchange with Tony. Putting a hand on his shoulder, she squeezes it. "Spence, you okay? We’re almost to the bar. You look like you need a shot." He gives her a tight smile before dropping his eyes to his beer. If I had to guess, he’s feeling guilty about how his ‘off-limits’ rule may have impacted my eating disorder.

"Aria, can we talk for a minute?" Spencer’s face has sadness written all over it, and that’s the last thing I want to see on his birthday. "Spence—" Shaking his head, he says, "Aria, hear me out, okay. Guys have always found you hot. Hell, you're my sister, and I know you’re hot. I was never trying to hurt you, Aria. I was trying to look out for you. There was so much more going on in high school than you realize. Shit was fucked up, Aria. Most guys at that age were after ass, but for others, it was more than that. Look, it doesn’t matter now; I messed up, and I’m sorry. I was only ever trying to protect you." I feel like he just laid a lot of heavy on me. Too much for my brain to compute after the few beers I’ve already had. There’s more to what he’s saying. I’m sure of it, but regardless this isn’t his fault. Sometimes people are just sick. Period.

"You can’t blame yourself for how I am, Spence. It is what it is. I’m going to get better." His face is pinched with regret. Spencer is not happy which is a problem. It’s his birthday. This is exactly why I never wanted anyone to know about my struggles. These demons I fight are mine and mine alone. They don’t need to punish anyone else. "Let’s have fun. Please don’t worry about me. It’s your birthday." He pulls me in for a hug and says, "I love you. I won’t overstep again. You’re a grown woman, and you can date whomever you want.

Bringing the axe above my head, I take a step forward, plant my feet, and release. When the axe hits the board, it sticks, and all the guys cheer, just as big arms wrap around my waist, and salty notes of musk and cedar invade my senses. "Holden…" His name is a breathy plea on my lips as I turn in his embrace and hug him back. God, I missed him. "You came." He buries his face in my neck, placing a kiss there before saying, "Where else would I be?" I pull back and find his eyes. "I just, I thought…" I’m stammering when he says, "Stop; I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry."

"Aria, last night I didn’t say anything for reasons you don’t understand. Yes, I was mad, but it’s more than that. I wasn’t mad at you, pretty girl. I don’t think I could ever be mad at you." He pauses and takes a minute to interlace our fingers. "All I wanted was to jump through the phone and scoop you up into my arms. I wanted to hold you until the pain went away. I wanted to kiss you from head to toe and tell you how much you mean to me. How perfect you are. No words would have been enough at that moment, and I was fucking pissed that I couldn’t articulate that. Not much has ever made me want to leave the field." He pulls in a ragged breath before gently saying, "Until you." Placing a kiss on my shoulder, he adds, "I only said I had to go because the game was starting. I wasn’t going to just hang up. You're important to me." I know what he is saying is true. I don’t believe Holden would hang up on me. "Tell me you believe me."

I need him. All week I craved him, and now I have him. He groans against my mouth when he feels how hungry I am. Pulling back, he bites my lip before saying, "Come to my truck."

The guy who was asking about the team—I think his name was Tony—gives me a once-over before running his thumb over his lip. He looks offended or put off, but I realize it’s more than that when I catch the way he looks at Aria before following Spencer out. Tony wants my girl. Fuck that.

Her breath catches at the vulgarity of my words, but I know she likes it, so, I say, "Tell me, pretty girl, is that pussy wet for me?" Her answering, "Mmm," has my cock dripping as I lean in, and kiss her exposed collarbone. Dipping my finger into the low-cut front of her lacey top, I graze her nipple. Immediately she gasps. Her nipple is instantly erect and begging for more. "Holden, stop. Someone’s going to see us." I run my tongue up her neck and say, "Then let them see."

Aria makes the sexiest noises when she's turned on, and I'm a fiend, addicted to all of them. Kissing my way along her jaw, I pull her chin toward me and find her mouth, leaving her with a slow, open-mouthed kiss that I know has her wet. "We’re eating, and then we’re fucking?" Her eyebrows shoot up. "What’s gotten into you tonight?" I know exactly what she’s asking. I’ve been all over her since the moment I arrived. Squeezing her perfect ass and kissing her neck. Hell, I’ve been touching some part of her body all day, and while I know a big part of it has to do with the guys checking her out, another part has to do with the constant nervous energy I’m feeling being around Spencer’s friends. I don’t want to get cornered. I don’t want any slips, and I sure as hell don’t need any reminders. So, I’ve been distracting myself with my sexy as fuck girlfriend, killing two birds with one stone.

Being extra handsy with my girl ensures Spencer’s friends know she’s mine, and it serves as a way to forget the things I don’t want to remember.

"Let’s eat." She hesitates, and I can’t decide if it’s because I made her nervous with my question or if it’s the food. I quirk a brow and ask, "Do you need to sit on my lap, pretty girl?" She reaches for a piece of cheese wrapped in meat and takes a slow bite, intentionally drawing my eyes to her mouth before asking, "Is that what you’d like?" And that’s what I love about my girl. She’s reserved, conservative, and somewhat timid, but there’s also a confident, assured hellcat in there. You never know which one you’re going to get.

"You think I won’t play with that pretty pussy just because we’re in public?" Her face flushes and her chewing slows, but I also notice the subtle shift in her posture. She's clenching her thighs together, no doubt turned on by my dirty talk. Aria fucking loves it.