Dig

by L.A. Ferro

I have no doubt, with her head lying flat against my bare chest, she can feel my heart racing. This woman scares the shit out of me in the best of ways. I’ve never met someone and instantly fallen so hard. I know what I feel is real. She could be my forever—if I have one to give. "Holden, I want that too. So much." I pull her in closer, wrapping her in my arms, determined not to let this end. Right now, everything is perfect.

I was surprised when he said he could see my demons. Even my closest friends don’t see those. Holden was right; he didn’t break me, but because he sees me as broken, I know we could never be. Fixing me temporarily silences whatever it is that haunts him. His words, not mine: "I notice my own reflection." He wants to tame my demons because he can’t get rid of his own. The issue is, he doesn’t see what I already know. I’m not the answer. I can never be his solution.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I push down the hurt I feel in my chest at the thought of losing him and slowly move to sit up when his arm tightens around my waist. Looking up, I find his magnetic, pale blue eyes piercing my soul, sending a shiver straight down my spine. It’s like he’s been sitting there watching me and silently reading my mind. I can’t help but feel like he knows verbatim everything that just ran through my head. "You thinking about running, pretty girl?"

Placing a kiss on my forehead, he runs his fingers through my hair, tucking it behind my ear before adding, "Spend the day with me." I want nothing more than to spend the day wrapped up in his arms, but that will only make the ending that much harder—because this will come to an end.

"I’m sorry. I considered waking you up last night after you passed out, but I’d be lying if I said I wanted to take you home." Reaching across the center console, he grabs my hand and interlaces our fingers. My eyes immediately zero in on our connected hands. His hand all but swallows mine. Big, strong, tan fingers wrap around my small, petite hand, and my heart clenches. I want those hands wrapped around mine forever, but I’ll settle for this car ride.

Holden pounces, wrapping his arms around my waist and pinning me to his front. "How do you expect me to let you go? Come back to my place. You can wear my clothes. After all, you look good in them."

"Were you really out of gas?" Holden doesn’t respond. Instead, he fires up the bike, making me squeeze him tighter, giving me the answer to my question without words. He wasn’t out of gas. This is precisely what he wanted, me wrapped tightly around him. This is his payback. He's not convinced I'm not running, and truth be told, neither am I.

Holden’s hand rarely leaves my leg. It slowly glides up and down my calf, occasionally giving it a squeeze and making my heart clench every time. Stupid, stupid heart. I can’t help but hold him a little tighter every time he does it.

As I walk toward the front of the house, Logan’s eyes do a slow perusal up my body until he reaches my face, and when he gets there, I know he sees it. Good. Obviously, I was out all night, but I’m hoping the slap in the face is that I’m wearing another man’s shirt. I don’t give a shit that my parents and two police officers are witnessing my walk of shame, because all I care about is making sure Logan feels even a sliver of the hurt he has now caused me. He just threw a fucking grenade into my life, and I’ll be damned if I don’t want to wound him right back.

"I think we need to have a family talk inside, right now." Spencer squeezes my hand, reassuring me that I’m not alone as we follow our parents into the house.

Olivia and I did everything together. She was, and is, truly my best friend. The only problem is, I don’t get to see her much anymore. Her family relocated to California when we were sixteen. We make a point of getting together at least once a year. It doesn’t hurt that she still has family out here, so she comes back most holidays, but it's not the same. I wish she was here now. I could use my best friend right now. That’s when I remember I need to turn my phone on.

I have zero missed calls from Holden and only one text. I left him at 7:00 am this morning, and we said two hours. He wanted to go home, shower and change. Then we would meet up. His text came through at noon. Holden: Please don’t do this. That was it. Nothing more. I debate texting him back and think better of it. Texting him back would just give him hope that there’s a chance I would see him again. Not texting him back leads him to believe I’m running, which was the plan anyway. He doesn’t need to know the real reason I never replied to his text. What would I say? 'Sorry, when I got home, my ex had called the police and told my parents I was sick, so I spent the remainder of my day discussing my condition with my parents and pre-med brother. Endless questions about why I am the way I am and how they can fix me.' No, this needs to end now. Even if my physical scars weren't enough for him to leave, my mental ones would be.

"Aria, if I need to drive you to work every morning just to ensure you're taking care of yourself, I will. I’ll do whatever it takes." I pull him in for a hug and try not to cry. He’s been the only one in the family who seems to have empathy for me. I’ve always been close to my dad, but it’s like he’s mad, and my mom is indifferent. I don’t think she means to be; I just don’t think she understands, or if she does, she doesn’t know how to help me. Before I release him, I say, "I’ll be okay. Don’t worry about me."

"While I was in Boston, it was brought to my attention that not only are we underpaying you for your work, but you more than excel at it. You are not just a receptionist, Aria. You are a legal secretary who also moonlights as a records clerk when required. As such, you have become a fundamental part of this team and an asset to the company. Therefore, Colton and I would like to pay for all your tuition costs should you agree to pursue a law degree." I’m sure whatever expression I have on my face is one of shock. Mentally, I’m stumbling to find a response. While the idea of getting a law degree and being debt-free sounds fantastic, I can’t shake the feeling that I would somehow be indebted to the firm. This is a highly sought-after law firm. While I know, I am intelligent and excel at my job. Garrett could easily hire a qualified law student or graduate looking to get their foot in the door. I'd be lying if I said his offer didn't seem a little misplaced.

"It’s Friday, and I’ve had a long week." I watch as he pours two fingers into each glass. He passes a glass to me and says, "Next Wednesday. Lunch with Colton and me. I expect an answer." I nod in agreement. As I move to pick up the glass, he raises his. "Salute," and we tip back our drinks. I fully expected to wince and gag, but that must be some expensive shit because it went down smooth as hell, leaving a spicy taste on my tongue. As I walk to exit the room, Garrett says, "Be bold, Aria. You already pack a punch."

I’m just stepping up, preparing to throw my first dart, when I feel hands grip my hips, but before I can register any type of response, another voice sends my heart into my stomach. "I’m going to need you to take your hands off my girl before we have a problem." When I turn around and meet Holden’s gaze, I see fury. He’s pissed. Ryan must take my silence and overall lack of reaction as something it’s not because he steps in and says, "Aria, do you know this guy? Are you okay?" My eyes haven't left Holden’s when he arches a brow in question. His jaw is set, and he’s clearly holding himself back. I can tell it's taking him real effort not to lose it right now. When I continue to stand there shocked that Holden’s here at all. He steps toward Ryan ready to fight. Quickly, I snap out of my daze and say, "Yeah, I’m good, Ryan. Could you give us a minute?" To which Holden smirks and rubs his jaw clearly agitated. "Don’t bother coming back. She’s mine."

"Careful, pretty girl. If you keep looking at me like that, I might think you missed me." But I did miss him. I more than missed him. It took earnest effort to not think about the first man who's ever made me feel everything.

Standing before me now, he looks like the past week pained him just as much, and I cave. Without another thought, I throw myself into his arms and hold him tight, determined to never let go. It takes less than a second for him to wrap his arms around me just as tightly. "Fuck, Aria. Let’s go." I nod in agreement before reluctantly pulling out of his embrace and remembering I’m here with Kris. I look around, trying to locate her when he says, "She knows, Aria. How do you think I knew to come here? Let’s go."

I feel like we’re racing toward his truck as he pulls me along. "Holden, can we slow down? What’s the rush?" Rather than answer my question, he stops dead in his tracks, picks me up, and throws me over his shoulder, catching me off-guard and causing me to shriek. "Oh my god. Holden, you’re making a scene." He slaps my ass. "I know exactly what I’m doing. Making sure everyone knows who you fucking belong to."

"Holden, wait. I can’t leave with you." He stands there with one arm holding the door and the other propped on the truck frame, caging me in. "Aria, I’m done playing games. I gave you a week. I’m not giving you any more time." My eyes narrow on his, and then I ask. "What do you mean, you gave me a week?" He shakes his head in annoyance. "Do you seriously think I didn’t want to pick up my phone and call or text you? You were literally my every other thought." "So why didn’t you? Why did you wait until tonight?" He drops his arms, dragging his gaze to the ground before he brings his hands up to rest on my knees. "Because I needed you to miss me so that when I came back, that pretty heart would know it's mine."

His eyes snap to mine, and I lose my words. Those eyes are like an abyss threatening to swallow me whole with all the promise of what could be. My hand flies up to cup the side of his face, and he leans into it, making my heart clench. He wants me. He wants me just as much as I want him.

I grab his wrist before he has a chance to step away. "Wait, Holden, it’s not what you think. We need to talk, but I have to go home." His eyes search mine and find my truth. Motioning toward my phone, he asks, "Is that why you said you couldn't leave with me?" I nod. "Yes. Look, it’s a lot to explain, and I don’t know where to start, but if you don’t think it’s too soon to meet the family, you can follow me home." My voice breaks with nerves at the end. Clearly, Holden likes me a lot, but meeting the family is boyfriend-girlfriend level, and we’re not there. Are we? But in the next breath, I’m reminded of why I’m so infatuated with this man. "I thought you’d never ask, pretty girl." It’s like he senses my internal conflict and counteracts it. I smile with what I’m sure is the goofiest looking grin ever before asking, "Really?" This time, he pulls me out of the truck, clutching me to his body as he drops me to the ground. "Pretty girl, I’ll follow you anywhere."

The minute her eyes latched onto mine that first night at the bar, I knew in my gut she was meant to be mine. Her eyes awaken deadened parts of my soul. Parts I never thought I'd get back. I felt her in my bones, and as much as it scared me, it made me feel alive.

Our conversation about how she landed her job crosses my mind. Garrett's random job offer strikes a chord with me, making me question if her demons aren't abuse-related. Just because he was a stranger to her doesn't mean the same was true for him. I can’t help but feel whatever her demon might be placed her on his radar. While Connor's family is known for their charity work related to sexual, physical, and domestic abuse, the rumors I've heard lately suggest it's a cover.

Until now, I haven't had reason to dig but knowing Aria might be mixed up in their world gives me cause. My assumptions of potential past abuse are making my stomach churn. It's a possibility. She didn't want me to take her shirt off the other night. Once it was off, however, it wasn't like anything was wrong. She's gorgeous. But something triggered that reaction. Bile starts rising in my throat at the direction my thoughts are taking me.

With our faces mere inches apart, she says, "You aren't going to kiss me, are you?" I can't help but smirk. Leaning down, I place a chaste kiss on the corner of her mouth before saying, " Not yet. At the bar, you were going to let another man touch what’s mine, and I'm not over it."

Aria takes a deep breath, bringing back that feeling of unease that settled over me right before she showed up. "Aria, is there anything I should know before I go in?" Her brow furrows and her eyes narrow at my question before she says, "Probably, but it's a little late for that now."

I move to walk in and offer my hand to her father in greeting. "Hi, I'm Holden. It's nice to meet you, sir." He takes my hand. "John, and I'll let you know when I can return the sentiment." "Dad, seriously. Give the guy a break." Comes from another male voice behind me. Turning around, the guy I assume to be Aria's brother greets me. "Hey, man. I'm Spencer. Ignore my dad."

"Doctor? That's crazy. I don't think I could go to school that long." Spencer runs his hand through his hair. "Yeah, it's a lot, but now more than ever, I think it's where I was always meant to be." He gives Aria a sidelong glance before walking off down the hall. Aria walks over to me and grasps my hand when I lean in and ask, "What happened last weekend that I don't know about?"

"Why don't you tell me what you want to tell me, pretty girl." I can tell my words have caught her off-guard, because she stops pushing the food around her plate. I know then I made the right call because her expression says it all. She pulls in a deep breath before dropping her fork. "I really need to eat this dinner. Can we do that first?" She starts nervously fidgeting with the lace detail on her shirt, and that's how I know that statement alone meant something. I answer, "Yeah, let's eat,"

I've just started slicing into my chicken breast when I look up and notice Aria has yet to touch her plate, and that's when I'm slapped with the realization of what this is. My girl has an eating disorder. The beer, the comments about not being what I want, her insecurity with her shirt, the wrap. The wrap was probably all she ate all day. Fuck. This hurts. I grab my plate and move to sit beside her instead of across from her. "What are you doing?" She shuffles in her chair to move when I do. "No, sit. I just want to be closer to my girl." "Holden—" She starts, but I hold my hand up to stop her. "Can you do me a favor?" She narrows her eyes at me, trying to get a read on me, so I say, "I want you to sit on my lap." She rolls her eyes. "I already told you I need to eat dinner." When she moves to pick up her fork, I take it from her hand. "Come here."

She sits her perfectly plump ass on my lap, and I can't help but let out a groan of appreciation at how luscious she feels on my thighs. I make a mental note for later to take her in this position, her riding my dick cowgirl style so I can watch this ass bounce. "Fuck, Aria. You have no idea what you do to me pretty girl." I reach around and squeeze her breast. "Let's eat." She lets out a frustrated sigh, and I love that I'm able to do that to her. To get her worked up by my touch. "Want to play a game?" Turning her head, she eyes me suspiciously, and I can't help but smirk. "For every bite you take, I'll give you a reward."

"Good girl." Since she didn't cut up her chicken, I start feeding her from my plate. Sticking my fork into a piece I bring it to her mouth and put my lips next to her ear before I say, "Take a bite for me, pretty girl." When she listens, I'm instantly hard for so many reasons. One: I fucking love that I'm helping her with something that hurts her. Two: she's following directions like she loves it, which is sexy as hell. And three: regardless of whether or not she knows it, Aria has a banging body. I run my tongue over the shell of her ear pushing her hair aside before kissing my way down her shoulder.

"Who is this?" Smiling, she moves to sit on her bed. "That's my best friend, Olivia. She had to move to California with her family a couple of years ago, but we kept in touch. Actually, she'll be in town next weekend for Spencer's birthday. Strangely enough, they share the same birthday."

Spotting a CD on her dresser, I ask, "Hey, what CD is that?" hoping she'll get up to see for herself, allowing me to make my move. When she does, I spin the lock on her window, unlatching it for later before heading over to join her. As I approach her from behind, I wrap my arms around her and pull her tight against my front. "Incubus? I should have known." "Why's that?" "Because, Aria, I was meant to meet you, so it's only fitting that the only thing sitting out in my girlfriend's stark white room happens to be the CD to my all-time favorite band and the current one on deck in my truck."

"Girlfriend? That's mighty presumptuous of—" Bending down, I crash my mouth to hers, silencing any further objections that I know are bullshit. Honestly, the girlfriend part was a slip, but I don't fucking regret it. I dip my tongue into her mouth, and when hers brushes against mine, I'm in heaven. My entire body feels alive when she's kissing me.

Will I be coming to another game?" I kiss her lips one more time. "I’m not sure if that means you want to, or…" Placing her hand on my chest, she says, "Holden, I get it. It's your passion, and you're so close. I don't mind coming to your games. I like watching you play." I bite my lip to stifle the smile that wants to take over my mouth. She's my girl.

My girl. I still can’t believe those words are coming out of my mouth. Aria was not in the plan, but there is no way I could let her go. Looking back, I think she pierced my heart the moment her friend request came across my phone. Those eyes had me hooked from the moment I saw them.

I can't decide if this revelation has anything to do with her job or if her run-in with Garrett Callahan is purely coincidental and not a charity case. I have difficulty swallowing the latter because if there's any merit to the nefarious rumors going around, she could have a target on her back.

I'm just approaching her window when I catch a glimpse of her walking through her room. Advancing, I watch as she goes through what I assume is her nightly routine, and I wait. Moving toward her dresser, she pulls out a shirt—but not just any shirt. My shirt. She pulls it out and brings it up to her face before inhaling deeply. The move makes my heart do funny things, things I've never felt, and I can feel my cheeks starting to ache from the massive smile that is taking over my face. My girl not only wants me; she misses me.

I watch as she walks to her bedroom door and looks at herself in the mirror. Standing there she simply stares at herself before reaching behind her back to unclasp her bra. When her gorgeous tits fall out, she lifts her right arm and runs her fingers over the skin between her breast and underarm before repeating the move on the other side. When her eyes return to the mirror, she stares for long moments before running her hands along her lower abdomen and wincing. God, I want to climb through this window right now, pull her into my arms, and tell her how perfect she is. I wish I could make her see what I see.

"Aria, these are some nice sheets." She smiles. "I know. I take sleeping very seriously. It's one of the few things that really makes me happy." I run my fingers through her hair. "Oh yeah? Why is that?" She hesitates, thinning her lips briefly before saying, "It's the only time my brain shuts off, and I'm able to find peace."

"By the way, I'll be taking something with me tonight." I slowly drag my hand up her thigh until I reach the hem on her panties, where I run my finger along the curve of her ass. Opening her eyes, she smiles. "You want my underwear." I move my mouth to her ear and say, "I want everything," before placing open-mouthed kisses all over her neck.

My heartrate kicks up a notch at the mention of her ex being here. Aria has her head propped up on one arm now while the other draws lazy circles on my chest, and I'm sure she doesn't miss the new pace in the rise and fall of my chest because she adds. "Holden, I came home wearing your shirt. I did the walk of shame up to my front door with two cops, my ex, and my family as witnesses. I don't think you need to get worked up." I pull her onto me and kiss her lips, only to dip my tongue in briefly before saying, "You make me possessive, Aria. I don't want to hear about another man. You're mine."

Logan came to my house and told my parents he thought I might be suicidal." My eyes widen as my hands fly to her hips. "Baby…" She puts her hand up to stop me. "I'm not suicidal.

I am sick." I move to sit up and pull her into my arms, but she stops me. Pushing me back down, she says, "Just let me get this out." Blowing out a breath, she looks to the ceiling before continuing. "I'm trying really hard to get better. I've been trying for months, but it's so hard. I have good days, but the bad days are horrible, and I hurt myself on those days." I can't help but grab her hands. "Aria, what do you mean you hurt yourself?"

"Did telling me make you feel better?" "It does and doesn't all at the same time. It makes me accountable, but it also leaves me feeling very vulnerable. I don't want pity, I don't need a babysitter, or someone to convince me I'm wrong. I know I'm wrong. But I have to figure it out myself."

This time when I move to sit up, she lets me. I bring my thumbs to her face and wipe away her tears before kissing her forehead. "Aria, look at me." When her beautiful brown eyes find mine, I'm a goner. She trusted me with her demon; she exposed herself to me, and now I want to be her everything.

"We all have a weakness, pretty girl. None of us are untouched by grief, pain, or loss. At the end of the day, some of ours are easier to identify than others. But I promise, you are not alone. We have each other. You've uncovered all the better parts of me that I th...

"I'm on birth control." Leaning down, I cage myself around her before bringing my lips to her ear. "This is how you want me, pretty girl?" She nods her head and adds, "Please, Holden, I want this."