A Heart That Works

by Rob Delaney

The growing number of politicians and newspaper-owners who aim to privatise the NHS need to fuck off ten times, then gargle a big bowl of diarrhoea. I pray that Vishnu purifies your heart in a dream tonight, or, failing that, that you fall down a deep well in February.

one cannot hit pause on family responsibilities. It cannot be done without inflicting genuine damage. And genuine damage I did inflict! All while pretending to play a loving, attentive partner and dad on a TV show that would be advertised on buses that would drive by and splash my wife, who’d be pushing a double buggy while pregnant to go buy nappies and toilet paper for me and my children to use as part of our respective shitting processes. I luxuriate in shame.

‘I can offer you no consolation, my friend. Your disaster is irreparable. What do you intend to do?’