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If you have Jasper Gervais’s attention, you’ve got it all, and that’s because he wants you to have it. He doesn’t just listen to me. He hears me. He sees me.
Jasper: Sunny. Be less cool. Come save me. The waitress keeps trying to talk to me. Sloane: So talk to her. Jasper: I don’t like talking to people. Sloane: You talk to me. Jasper: You’re not people. Sloane: Lmao. What am I then? Jasper: My person.
I hate losing . . . and yet, to see him smile like that, I’d lose over and over again.
It doesn’t matter that my love for him is pathetic and tragically unrequited. It just is. The sky is blue. The grass is green. And I’ve loved Jasper Gervais from the first day I laid eyes on him.
“You’re perfect the way you are, Sloane. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”
I feel awful. I feel sick. The thought of anyone hurting Sloane—even me—has fire coursing through my veins.
“Good god.” I flop back on the bed and toss an arm over my face, feeling my body vibrate as I laugh with her. She’s always had this effect on me. Her sunshiny persona is infectious. Sometimes I fight it, and right now for the life of me, I can’t figure out why.
Everything about Sloane Winthrop is fucking distracting. And I’ve been trying really damn hard for a really long time not to notice.
“Shit happens to the best of us, Sunny, and I am not the best of us.” “To me you are,” is what I tell him.
“You’re safe.” I’m not sure if he says it to me or to himself. But I affirm it anyway. “I’m safe.”
“Because I think I’m about to fuck everything up between us.” And then he kisses me.
“Sunny, you’re gonna make me lose my mind.” “Good,” I murmur against his mouth. “We’ll be insane together. I’m so tired of doing it alone.”
“You’re not alone. I’m right there with you.” I let out a breath so big that my body sags when it leaves me. “But this isn’t the time or place. It’s not safe. And you are too fucking precious to take chances with.”
“When is the time and place?” I breathe out instead. He ghosts a kiss over my damp, puffy lips and guides my ear to his mouth. “When I say so,” he rasps.
“It wasn’t a moment of insanity,” I say matter-of-factly. “Sorry?” She sounds incredulous. “I definitely meant to kiss you.”
“I don’t need you to believe me for it to be true.”
My last moment and she would never know what she is to me. How much she is to me. That she’s it for me. And that’s just fucking insane. Like a waste. Like for a man who knows loss so intimately, why would I ever set myself up to lose something so precious?
She was about to marry a piece of human chauvinist garbage, but she could have had me—if she wanted me. If I’d just told her.
But fuck, losing someone and having them not know that you care about them? Wishing you could go back and tell them? That’s a special hell. One I have no intention of living in because I’ve given my demons enough of myself already—they can’t have her too.
Because the mere mention of her marrying someone sends me into a hot, simmering rage so unlike me I don’t even know what to do with it. “Yeah. That would have been a shame because he really fucking sucks.”
“What if I go back to Sterling?” My entire body stills. Not a fucking chance. I know she’s goading me. And it’s working. “No.”
“You’re not going back to him.” She shrugs nonchalantly. “Maybe I will. You don’t tell me what to do, Jasper.” Not yet. But I will. “You’re not.” She spins, her voice cutting across the room like she’s thrown a dart right at my chest. “And why not?” “Because he sucks the life out of you!” She rears back, clearly shocked by the volume of my voice. “And I want to breathe it back in.”
“Times have changed, Sloane. I’m not scared anymore. You’re not my fucking friend. You’re just mine.”
“Tell me how to make you feel better.”
I love him too much to do that to him. And he likes me too much to say no. God. We’re so fucked.
I get a full view of the tiny ballerina inked on his skin.
“I wanted to be there so badly after all the times you’d been there for me, so I went and did something that night to commemorate it in my own way.”
He turns with me and the mattress and all the bedding in his strong hold and takes three long strides toward the bed before gently plopping me down on the king-size bed. I sit up, glaring at him, but he takes no notice. In fact, he turns around, grabs the cot frame, drags it to the door, and tosses it out into the hallway with a loud metal clang. Then he locks the door struts back to the bed.
And Jasper just keeps holding me tight, watching every little move I make with rapt fascination. With adoration.
I’m out of my depth with her but this is Sloane. My Sloane. No matter what, we’re there for each other. My Sloane. I think it again and god it feels good.
It’s my favorite tattoo. For my favorite person.
Because no matter what else is going on in the world, everything is better with her in my arms.
“You and Jasper. You’ve both been so in love with each other for so long. I saw that hug. Plus, I saw the look on his face that day when I first spilled the beans about your engagement. And on your wedding day?” She snorts. “I think he was looking for a reason to barge in there and break you out. Poor emotionally stunted idiot that he is.”
“I feel like I could crumble under the weight of not wanting to disappoint you. I’m paralyzed by my fear of losing you.”
“The thought of needing you this badly and letting you down.” He drops my gaze, shaking his head. “It fucking kills me.”
“You’re perfect.”
“I don’t think I suffer from that way of thinking anymore. Suddenly I don’t really care about deserving you when it’s so damn clear you belong to me and always have.”
“But, Sloane?” “Yeah?” I reply instantly, pushing up onto my elbows to better see him. “I’m done sharing.”
Sloane laughs. She’s light and bright. She’s Sunny. She makes me smile so hard my cheeks hurt. I can’t take my eyes off of her.
“The real question is, do any of those other people matter when I only ever see you? When I only ever think about you? When I’ve done nothing but become more and more obsessed with you since I was told to stay away from you?”
“I don’t know how I went so long without you,” he murmurs, pushing my hair behind my ear and cradling my skull. “I never want to go without you again,”
“I’ll wait outside,” I concede. “Outside the building?” “No.” I unbuckle my seat belt and round the vehicle to open her door. “I’ll be outside the door of his unit.”
Jasper: Sunny, you’ve always been my girl.
Distance has brought perspective, but also an all-new pride in my capability, in my intelligence. Women like Summer and Willa surrounding me bolster my inner fortitude.
Theo shrugs and smiles. “Married for now, maybe.”
“Winter Valentine,” she corrects stiffly. “For now,” Theo reiterates and winks at her. She rolls her eyes dramatically, which makes Theo smile bigger as he sticks his hand out to shake hers.
But as we stand, Jasper squeezes my hand and draws me close. And nothing in the world has ever felt more right.
Jasper: It’s an investment. Beau: In what? Jasper: Us. Beau: Oh, dude. You’re so far gone.
And I realize it then . . . I’d do anything to see this girl smile.
“Talk to her like that again and see how it ends for you.”
