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love you, angel. Thanks for saving me.
“You deserve better parents. But you’re stuck with the ones you have. So you’ll go, say your piece, and close that chapter. No matter what happens, you’re here. This is you.”
“Oh, don’t worry. I have plenty to say. I needed a mother. To protect me, and console me. Tell me everything was okay. But instead, you focused strictly on your shitty marriage and then disappeared on me. And still, I’m always the one who’s expected to come to you. For holidays and occasions… I mean, Jesus. You didn’t even call me when I won the fucking Rose Bowl…”
“I’m not okay, and I haven’t been healthy. Not emotionally… That’s why I left. Because sure, it looks like I’m winning on the outside, but inside, I’m still scared shitless.”
“It wasn’t all Dad’s fault. You’re equally to blame. Because I was abused by someone you both considered a man of God, and you did nothing
“You fucked me. Almost as bad as he did.”
“Both of you! You are supposed to love and protect me. You’re supposed to listen to me and support me… You were supposed to stand beside me no
matter what, and you should’ve wanted to fucking decapitate that motherfucker for what he did! But instead, you acted like it never happened.”
“You told me I was overreacting. You accused me of making it up. You made me feel like I ...
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“And you.” I glare at my mother. “Your mouth was conveniently shut, any time it wasn’t gulping back Xanax and Pinot. You never said a goddamn word to me, never asked me if I was alright, or if I needed to talk to someone.”
“No, I’m sorry. You said something… You said, ‘You have to just move on, Kyran. Dwelling on it will only give it power.’ Great advice for a twelve-year-old who just told you his goddamn priest stuffed a cock down his throat.”
“This is the reason why I can’t move on. This is the reason I’ve been stuck for so long, stuffing the truth down, pretending to be someone else… Because you made me feel like the truth made me sick, diseased, or damaged. It happened, Dad. It fucking happened, whether or not you wish it didn’t, it did. You can’t pray it away. God doesn’t fucking care about your Hail Marys or your penance. Say the fucking
words out loud, because they’re true, or so help me, you’ll lose your son. I will walk out of this restaurant, and you’ll never see me again.”
“He sexually abused you. Father McAdams… a man we trusted. He did horrendous, disgusting things to you, Kyran. And I did nothing.”
“I’m so sorry, Kyran,” my mom whispers shakily. “I am so infinitely sorry that it took those other boys coming forward for us to
listen. And even then, it wasn’t enough.”
“I didn’t want money. I wanted you to give a fuck… I wanted to be acknowledged, not to feel like I was hiding some illness that needed to be locked away and covered up by this image of the perfect, unsullied son you wish you had.”
“I just want you to know…” my father croaks, “we never thought you were damaged, Kyran. It just… it hurt to admit that something like this happened when we were supposed to protect you. You didn’t deserve it—no one does. But even more, you didn’t deserve how we made you feel about it. I’m so sorry that I made you feel unseen…”
“I’m gay.”
“More importantly, I’ve always been gay. I was born this way, and it’s just a fact. Also, I’m in love with Avi, and I want to be with him. So… yea. That’s that.”
Hugging me… My dad is hugging me.
“I love you, Kyran,” he whispers hoarsely. “I love you so much, and I’m so sorry.”
“I’m happy for you,”
“For you… and Avi.”
“I thought you’d be mad… because he’s a guy. And your stepson.”
“I don’t get it. I won’t even try to act like I do… But if this is you, son, ...
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“You’re strong, Kyran. A hundred times stronger than me, and you always have been,” he says surely. “You’ve grown into an amazing man, and you did that all on your own. That is worth being proud over.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“All I’m saying is Avi doesn’t seem like the kind to turn his back on something good just because it might be difficult.”
“You’re right,” I hum, going back to my phone. “I’m gonna go see him now. It’s time.”
“You need a ride?” he asks, and I peer at him. Who is this man?? He just chuckles and ...
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“Ky,” he mumbles as I open the door. “God loves you, no matter what. Know that. He isn’t the God I used to think he was… He’s so much better. Caring and sympathetic. Don’t let what happened steer you from having real faith. Not the stuff I used to push on you. Faith in yourself is faith in Him.”
“Okay, listen… You guys don’t know the reason why I left, so I understand you’re just protecting your friend, because you think I broke his heart. And why wouldn’t you?? I’ve been bullying him and running from him for forever. But
the truth is that I’m in love with him. I’m so crazy in love with him, and I just want to be with him… To hold his hand, and buy him Twizzlers, and listen to him talk about reptilians. I want to support him like he’s supported me, and I want to see his eyes sparkle when he’s excited. I’m in love with Avi Vega, wholly, truly, un-fucking-deniably.”
“So I’m gonna need that address… Because I don’t want, I need to kiss him right now. More th...
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“That’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard in my life.”
“Avi, I say this with love…” she starts, standing up from the couch. “You need to smoke some weed. Because you’re stressing me out.”
“Sweetie, you’re not lost. You’re in love. And I know it hurts sometimes… caring so much for someone and not knowing where they stand.”
“Just keep holding on. If it’s meant to be, then it’ll work out.”
His name has been changed… to His_Baby
I’m in love with an angel.
I’m in love with an angel. And not the kind with wings and a halo.
A human with a heart bigger than a football field. An angel with talent that knows no bounds, who doesn’t conform to societal norms, because those are for suckers. Who believes in aliens and cryptids… Conspiracy theories? My angel knows them all, and will tell you just how misguided your truths are. I’m in love with an angel who is gorgeous and sexy, and has a body that’ll make you weep… And funnily enough, it’s made up almost entirely of sugar.
I’m in love with an angel who uses Twizzlers as straws and gives gummy bears names. Oh, hello, Bob. Nice to eat you today. I’m in love with an angel who never stopped believing in me… Even after every bad thing I ever did to him. An angel I used to say hurtful things to, but who still spoke words of encouragement to me when I needed it… Who was there for me when no one el...
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My angel was the last person I thought I could love… But I came back to him, over and over, because my heart wanted him when I didn’t understand why. And now I do understand it. It’s as clear as the crystalline grayish blue in his eyes. My angel saved me. He rescued me from hiding. He held me when I needed him, and he loved me when I didn’t. He’s selfless, re...
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We don’t need to be apart. Because what he doesn’t know is that I didn’t save him… He saved me
I’m a mascot; someone who supports and rallies for others. I’m an artist and an entertainer. I’m a lover, a friend, but most of all, I’m in love with the man who made all of that so painfully apparent to me.
“You look like you’re doing just… awful without me.”
“Actually, I’m living the dream. Who even are you?? You’re disturbing my lunch of diamond caviar and gold-dipped truffles.”
“And what happens in these dreams? Are you… happy?” “Are you kidding?” My lips shiver on his. “There is no happiness for me without you.”
