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@Backwardz_Avi: I’d give up candy for the rest of my life for one more kiss… He’s all the sugar I need.
Driving on new roads, to clear my head and find myself. So that the next time I knock on his door, there won’t be a shred of doubt. The real Kyran Harbor wouldn’t be alive without Avi Vega. He’s my reason, my rescue. Slow down, broken boy… and let him catch you.
Gay. In love with my stepbrother. Sexual assault survivor. Football quarterback. Okay, that one didn’t change. But now I’ll be doing it for myself, instead of as a means to make my father less disgusted by me.
Me: Hey, baby. I know this might hurt, but push through it for me. I’m fine and safe and I promise I’ll be back soon… Knocking on your door for good this time. I love you, angel. Thanks for saving me.
“Okay, let’s just get this out of the way. Because I didn’t ask you both here to talk about football, or business school, or whatever the fuck I decide to do with my future.” I attempt to control my anger, channeling it into finding my words. “We’re here because I’ve been seeing a counselor, talking through my issues, finally, after eight years of stuffing this shit down. And I realized that I’ll never be able to move on if I don’t tell you both exactly how I feel.”
“Both of you! You are supposed to love and protect me. You’re supposed to listen to me and support me… You were supposed to stand beside me no matter what, and you should’ve wanted to fucking decapitate that motherfucker for what he did! But instead, you acted like it never happened.”
My eyes zero in on my father. “You told me I was overreacting. You accused me of making it up. You made me feel like I was sick for being raped!”
“And you.” I glare at my mother. “Your mouth was conveniently shut, any time it wasn’t gulping back Xanax and Pinot. You never said a goddamn word to me, never asked me if I was alright, or if I needed to talk to someone.” A furious laugh puffs from my lips. “No, I’m sorry. You said something… You said, ‘You have to just move on, Kyran. Dwelling on it will only give it power.’ Great advice for a twelve-year-old who just told you his goddamn priest stuffed a cock down his throat.”
“Say it,” I growl. “This is the reason why I can’t move on. This is the reason I’ve been stuck for so long, stuffing the truth down, pretending to be someone else… Because you made me feel like the truth made me sick, diseased, or damaged. It happened, Dad. It fucking happened, whether or not you wish it didn’t, it did. You can’t pray it away. God doesn’t fucking care about your Hail Marys or your penance. Say the fucking words out loud, because they’re true, or so help me, you’ll lose your son. I will walk out of this restaurant, and you’ll never see me again.”
It takes a minute, but finally he looks up, his eyes gripping mine. And he mumbles, “He sexually abused you. Father McAdams… a man we trusted. He did horrendous, disgusting things to you, Kyran. And I did nothing.”
“I’m so sorry, Kyran,” my mom whispers shakily. “I am so infinitely sorry that it took those other boys coming forward for us to listen. And even then, it wasn’t enough.” I nod, my voice creeping out. “No. It wasn’t.” They both just stare at me. “I didn’t want money. I wanted you to give a fuck… I wanted to be acknowledged, not to feel like I was hiding some illness that needed to be locked away and covered up by this image of the perfect, unsullied son you wish you had.”
“I just want you to know…” my father croaks, “we never thought you were damaged, Kyran. It just… it hurt to admit that something like this happened when we were supposed to protect you. You didn’t deserve it—no one does. But even more, you didn’t deserve how we made you feel about it. I’m so sorry that I made you feel unseen…”
“There’s one more thing I need to say,” I murmur. “And then I’m gonna go, because it’ll probably wrestle up some new bullshit that I really don’t feel like dealing with right now. But just know that I do appreciate you both coming here, and listening to me. This was… really helpful.” They blink at me over wide eyes. And I purse my lips, mainly at my father, because I’m sure he’s about to flip his lid. “I’m gay.”
My lips quirk, and I huff a small chuckle, shaking my head. “More importantly, I’ve always been gay. I was born this way, and it’s just a fact. Also, I’m in love with Avi, and I want to be with him. So… yea. That’s that.” Standing up, I cast one last look at their shocked faces, grinning as I pat my father hard on the shoulder. “See ya later, folks.”
Hugging me… My dad is hugging me.
“I love you, Kyran,” he whispers hoarsely. “I love you so much, and I’m so sorry.” Oh damn… This is embarrassing. Now I’m fucking bawling into his chest, and I can’t hold it back. Gripping him and shaking while all the walls between us come tumbling down. Brick by brick.
“I’m happy for you,” he says, still sounding like his usual stern self. But the words he’s saying are sincere. He means it, I know he does. “For you… and Avi.”
“You’re strong, Kyran. A hundred times stronger than me, and you always have been,” he says surely. “You’ve grown into an amazing man, and you did that all on your own. That is worth being proud over.”
He smiles sadly. “I think I also have some working on myself to do.” He pats me on the shoulder. “You’ve inspired me, son.” My heart is literally bursting out of me, I’m so happy. I can’t even believe what I’m hearing, but it feels amazing.
“Okay, listen… You guys don’t know the reason why I left, so I understand you’re just protecting your friend, because you think I broke his heart. And why wouldn’t you?? I’ve been bullying him and running from him for forever. But the truth is that I’m in love with him. I’m so crazy in love with him, and I just want to be with him… To hold his hand, and buy him Twizzlers, and listen to him talk about reptilians. I want to support him like he’s supported me, and I want to see his eyes sparkle when he’s excited. I’m in love with Avi Vega, wholly, truly, un-fucking-deniably.” I bend to make eye
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“Not your baby, my ass,” she sneers, and I chuckle. “Go on, baby. Go get your boy.”
Slay_is4whors3s: Backwardz_Avi r u Backwardz_Cap??? Where’s Not_Your_Baby?!?! Slickrick762: BC Eagles QB Kyran Harbor just changed his IG to His_Baby… Do you think…????
I’m in love with an angel. And not the kind with wings and a halo. A human with a heart bigger than a football field. An angel with talent that knows no bounds, who doesn’t conform to societal norms, because those are for suckers. Who believes in aliens and cryptids… Conspiracy theories? My angel knows them all, and will tell you just how misguided your truths are. I’m in love with an angel who is gorgeous and sexy, and has a body that’ll make you weep… And funnily enough, it’s made up almost entirely of sugar. I’m in love with an angel who uses Twizzlers as straws and gives gummy bears names.
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“I know that,” he breathes, our gazes sticking like glue. “And I love you for it. But I needed to learn to fix myself for us to be together. I want you with the real Kyran, baby. Because the real Kyran fell so hard in love with you, Avi Vega. You got me here. You’re my angel…”
“I want everyone to know whose baby I am,” he whispers. God, I feel like I’m flying. Falling from up high, but floating in the air. And yes, it’s still scary. Because I’ve never been in love before, and I’m terrified of losing him again. It’s a staggering notion, putting yourself in someone’s hands like this. But with his hand in mine, this fall is a great dive.
“Please don’t ever leave me again.” I kiss the words onto his sweet, soft mouth that I missed so much I’m about to collapse. “Please, Kyran… Anything you’re feeling, we can work it out together. Just don’t… don’t leave me.”
“In case you haven’t noticed, I have a bad habit of running from you, baby. But I’m done now… Avi, you deserve to be chased.” My chest is wide open as I cling to him. “It’s not a chase if I’m desperate to let you catch me.” “Angel Avi…” he purrs and smiles.
“I just fucking missed you so bad, baby.” He rips my hair in his fists. “I haven’t come since the last time we were together…” “Mmm… Not even once?” He shakes his head. “Me neither.”
“You mean even Mr. Blasé himself was getting a lil moody?” “Yea,” I growl, shoving my pants and boxers down my thighs. “No weed, no sex, and no Kyran for over a month turned up the grump-o-meter.”
But as it turns out, we were doing this for the fans… Because we turned out to be fans, too.
“You make me whole,” he whispers into my mouth. “I love you,” I croak, driving into him harder and harder, grabbing a handful of his ass and holding him to me. “Stay with me forever, baby…” “I’m yours, Aviel,” he sighs, and my heart is breaking through my chest. “Just yours. Always.”
“Avi… Ahhh-veee, angel, I feel you coming in my ass… Fuck, it feels so good.” “Y-yea? You feel me spilling in you, love?” “Your cum feels so good in me. I love you, baby. I love how you fuck…”
“I’m sorry for all the time I wasted being scared,” he whispers. I shake my head. “Don’t ever apologize for that. You’re worth all the time in the world, baby. I would’ve waited years for you.”
Kyran Harbor is “in a relationship” with Avi Vega Avi Vega is “in a relationship” with Twizzlers His_Baby: What a fool… Backwardz_Avi: My alien came back to Earth!
He peeks at me over his shoulder. “I’m like… stupidly in love with you.” “Baby… I’m fucking moronically in love with you.” I kiss his lips while he chuckles.
To quote the majestic David Rose, I like the wine, not the label.”
Avi the Angel takes care of his baby.
He sighs. “Out of Friend Land…” “And into Boyfriend Park.” He laughs, and I kiss it while it’s happening. Kyran and Avi, falling in love… for the fans.
A month ago, I officially decided to donate my settlement money to a few special charities. I’ve never wanted to spend a dime of that money on myself, but it was stupid to have it just sitting there collecting dust. So I picked my top three charities, and made arrangements with my accountant to split it in thirds and make three donations. One to RAINN, because they were so helpful to me when I was looking to talk to someone about my abuse, one to the Trevor Project, because they do wonderful things for LGBTQ+ youths, and one to the It Gets Better Project…
Because that’s who he is. He’s my support system, my lifeline. My stepbrother I hated, turned porn co-star, turned friend, turned absolutely ridiculous, sexy, perfect love of my life. He’s my savior, my first and my only. From eagle wings to angel wings… he’s my Avi. Dancing on the field of my heart.
Backwardz_Avi: My man is SLAYING. Welcome to Philly, baby! #FlyEaglesFly MissBea21: So proud of you both<3 Zeb_for_Kween: Backwardz_Avi, OF friends & family discount! Hook a sister up! The.Theo.Reeves: Not that I’m jealous… but stoppit Sammy_Gutz: Yo Backwardz, show us the Eagle moves! Frankie_Says_Relax: Backwardz_Avi I told you His_Baby wanted to kiss you ;)
“Baby!” I hear him shouting as soon as he’s inside, his footsteps clomping through the foyer. “I’m telling you… I’ve had a day. I need a beer, a bath, and that dick. Not necessarily in that order…” I’m covering my mouth to keep the chuckles in as he rounds the corner, and Frankie flips on the lights. “Surprise!”
