For the Fans

by Nyla K.

“I’m so… sorry…” I gasp, out of breath with blood rushing in my ears. Dropping to my knees in front of him, I struggle to suck air into my lungs before I pass out. “Wouldn’t… let me leave. Train… no Ubers… fucking ran… Jesus Christ…” I’m seeing spots. Kyran’s lips slope into an amused grin. His hands reach out and he drapes them over my chest. “Breathe, Avi.” I pull in a deep one, and he chuckles. “It’s okay. You made it.”

He just wants to kiss me. And with my heart racing like I just did to get to him, that’s all I want in the world as I hum, “One.” Crashing my lips onto his, I kiss him with my muscles trembling and my chest burning from so much more than just the exertion. I did make it. I made it to us… “Happy New Year, baby,” he murmurs into my mouth, holding on to my neck to keep me close as my fingers stroke through his silky soft hair. “Happy New Year.” I can’t stop kissing him. It just feels too good. Being with him right now… knowing that he showed up because this is what he wanted too… it’s everything.

“Do you want to stay?” I ask quietly. He nods. And the looming question fights its way up my throat. “Would you still want to… if someone knew you were here?” Kyran seals himself to me, hands gripping my back as his forehead drops to mine. “I… I think so.” My chest opens up like a bloom for him. I think so…

When he doesn’t answer me, I peer down to where he’s gazing at my palm, running his fingertip along the center. “I have this line too,” he whispers. “Except mine curves around here… Like the way Comm Ave runs up over campus.”

“Seriously, this is detrimental, Kyran. If you’re not careful, you might just weasel your way out of enemy territory and into the land of friends.” Slowly releasing my grip, I lower his hands onto my chest, and he takes one of mine back, drawing more lines over my palm. “And what happens… when you leave that place?” He peeks up at me for a split second before returning to my hand, a nervous, almost innocent air about him while he chews on his bottom lip. “Is that the end of the line? Friend Land?”

“I think there might be another place. But… no one’s ever been there.” He blinks wide eyes at me. “It’s pretty vacant.” “Like an abandoned amusement park?” he murmurs quietly, and I nod. “Yea. I’ve never met anyone who just… went there willingly.” “If I wanted to go…” he says, barely audibly with his lips shivering mere inches from mine. “Would you take me?” I can barely even fathom what we’re talking about… What we’re dancing around like two relationship virgins, too terrified to say the actual words. But my pulse is racing, and my fingers are twitching with what I think he’s asking me. “If you were sure…” I whisper, the air around us growing hazy with something other than lust. Something deeper and scarier… More potent. “If you were… comfortable going there…” I gulp. “It would be your call, Ky. Because there’s absolutely no way I could keep you out.”

“See ya, Avi,” he murmurs on his way out. And I just sit, numb. Empty and alone… In my abandoned amusement park.

“Do you…” she starts, then pauses, long enough for me to peer at her. “Do you think you love him?” I pull a deep inhale, letting it out as a sigh of sorrow. “Yea, probably.”

Those words stuck in my head, a memory shimmering… of Avi, dressed up in his stupid eagle costume, telling me the same thing. “You don’t go down without a fight… Trust me, I know.” The thought of it brought a shivering grin to my lips, and I huffed a small chuckle. He looks like such an idiot in that mascot outfit… The way he does the Moonwalk and the Electric Slide. Such a damn goofball, I swear to God.

“It’s not over until it’s over,” his voice rung through my mind. “It’s not over…” I muttered, straightening my shoulders. “It’s not fucking over.” “Damn fucking straight!” Guty shouted, slapping me hard on the back. “Now let’s go fucking win this thing, baby!” I’m not your baby… My grin widened, and I slapped my hands together, muscles stiffening with determination. I’m his.

I haven’t talked to Avi at all since our fight. Not a word… Radio silence. Dozens of times over the week leading up to the game, I considered going over there to see him. To apologize for walking out when I know all he wanted was for me to stay. But every time I’d put my shoes on and go for the door, something would stop me. I hate to think that it’s fear… But I’m sure that’s exactly what it is.

446. The place that feels more like home to me than any other… Because it’s where he is.

“But us was just an act.” I choke out the words. “For the fans… Remember? That’s all it was supposed to be, the whole time.” Rubbing my eyes, I let out a jagged sigh. “Fuck, Avi, I didn’t ask for any of this…”

“God, you’re so afraid to admit that something changed—” “You’re right,” I bark quietly, cutting him off. “Something did change. I stopped hating you. We’re brothers, friends. And that’s a good fucking thing, Avi.” I shake my head slowly. “But that’s all. It has to be…” He squares his shoulders, jaw clenching as he murmurs right by my ear, “You never really hated me, Kyran. We both know you didn’t…” Then he turns and storms away, leaving me shaking and chugging the rest of my drink in two large gulps.

“Don’t fucking touch him!” I snarl over Ash’s face, all semblance of control lost. I may have blacked out. My body is working on total impulse, the need to destroy this fucking prick for kissing my Avi taking over every fiber of my being. “He’s not yours, you hear me?!”

Letting out a ragged sigh, I scrape a hand over my face and whisper, “He’s my stepbrother, Frankie…” “So?” She scoffs. “He’s not your actual brother.” I chew on my lip. “But I’m not… I mean, I didn’t think I was…” “But you are,” she breathes. Her tone is firm, and calming. Supportive. Like she’s stating a fact.

But she stops one last time and says, “Oh, and I’m bringing Avi to stay at my place. Just thought you’d wanna know…” “Whose idea was that?” I blink at her. “His.” She shows me a knowing look. “He doesn’t want anyone else, Kyran. You’d have to be a real moron not to see that.”

Maybe I just need to stop running. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I type out a text with shaky fingers. Me: You’re right… I never really hated you, baby. Because I think I love you.

But truth be told, I was a little relieved to get out of there. Ash had been driving me crazy since he showed up. Especially after I found out that he was Zeb’s friend who showed him my OnlyFans.

“What am I supposed to do about him, Frankie?? I have no clue what I’m going to say when I see him tonight at the banquet…” “Here’s a thought.” She licks some foam off of her finger, before turning to face me. “How about telling him the fucking truth?” “And what would that be…?” “That you love him and you want him to be your grumpy boyfriend.” She grins.

I’m just staring at him, and he’s staring at me like he wants the same thing I do… To dance with me. I just want to slow dance with him… Because he never got to in high school. Of all the firsts we’ve had together, it feels like one I’m desperate to have with him.

“You realize you’ll be expelled…” Dean Perkins says, tilting her head. “Permanently.” Avi nods. “That’s fine. Because I don’t regret it.” His eyes shift to mine, and he whispers, “Best thing I’ve ever done.” My heart thumps, a warm heat enveloping my heart while I just stand still and stare at him. I can’t believe he’s doing this for me. He’s getting himself expelled… Taking all this heat. For me.

And for the first time since we took down the account, I actually regret it. It turns out Avi was right all along. These people aren’t just in it for the sex. They’re fans of us as a couple. And I think I can definitely relate.

“Avi…” he whimpers, stopping his swaying to stare at me as his fingers dig into my back. “Tell me what you’re saying…” “I’m saying…” I breathe a sigh of confession, “It was never for the money, or for BC… Or for the fans. It was for you, Kyran. For fucking you, and that’s it. Every single thing I did… I did for you. To have you.”

Kyran’s lips shiver on an anxious exhale. “I don’t think I can fight it anymore, Avi…” My breathing shallows. “Fight what?” “Us…” The gold and green in his eyes glow, offering me a timid sparkle. “Baby, I think I’m in love with you,” he whispers on my lips, dropping his forehead to mine, clutching onto my body for dear life. Like he’s afraid if he lets go for one second, I’ll float away.

“I’m in love with you,” I murmur, and his body shudders in my hands. “And I’m pretty sure I have been since the moment we met.” He lets out a soft sound, like relief, and joy, fear and excitement all in one perfect little sigh. “But I was so mean to you…” His voice shakes. It’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard. I nod. “I know… I might be a masochist.” He laughs, and I’m standing at the edge of something terrifyingly beautiful. “Tell me the truth…” I rasp, and his head tilts. “Did you come in your pants that night at Frankie’s because of me?” He growls a stubborn noise, fingers sliding up my neck into my hair. But then he nods, and bites his lip. “I thought you were gonna kiss me…” My foot slips off. And I plummet. “I fucking knew I should have, baby,” I hum, fisting his jacket lapels and pulling his mouth to mine. I’ll never make that mistake again.

I swallow hard. “I know… I’m sorry I was pushing you away for so long.” “You’re worth the wait, gorgeous,” he sighs.

I can see it all so clearly now. I’m gay, and I’m in love with my stepbrother. There it is. Wow… This must be what really great drugs feel like.

He’s gonna know… He’ll find out the truth. And then he won’t want you anymore.

The truth would change everything. That’s what it does. And if I end up losing Avi the way I lost my family… I don’t think I’ll want to exist anymore.

“You know, when he was little, he used to be so chill,” she says, staring off into space. “He was the kid all the other kids wanted to be around. Always smiling and laughing.” I’m reeling from what I’m hearing right now. Are we talking about Kyran Harbor??

After all, it’s true. Kyran Harbor is the love of my life. That’s it. I’ve fallen. Hook, line, and sinker, he has my whole heart.

“That’s Father McAdams,” Bridget whimpers, then snarls with the same fury I’m feeling in my veins. “The fucking monster who raped my brother when he was twelve.”

“He killed himself, by the way. They found him hanging from a light fixture in his study four years ago… With a piece of paper gripped in his fist that said I’m sorry.” She cackles a furiously unamused laugh. “Sorry?! Fuck!” she screams,

Kyran: BABY!!!!!!!!!!!! A choked sob leaves my lips, tears welling in my eyes and a happy-sad grin curving my mouth. Two more quick texts pop up, radiating his excitement. Kyran: We did it! We did it Avi… Kyran: God I can’t wait to see you baby.

Kyran: I wanna kiss you so bad babe. I’m gonna kiss you in front of EVERYONE :) Jesus, my fucking heart. I can’t even breathe… Me: I love you, Kyran. I am so fucking proud of you. He must really be tipsy because he sends me a bunch of emojis. An eggplant, a peach, and five water-squirts. My chest shakes with a laugh as I wipe tears from my eyes. Kyran: Come to the party… please. I need you Avi. Me: I wouldn’t miss it for the world gorgeous.

The win would be worthless if I hadn’t fallen in love with him. It’s a mystifying truth, but it is the truth. Because after every other game I’ve ever won, the excitement has only been skin-deep. For the first time ever, it actually means something.

Everything feels infinitely more real being in love with him.

The regret I feel at how awfully I treated him in front of these people still weighs on me constantly. But I’m on a mission to do better for him. To prove that if he can just be patient with me, I’ll work past the fear I’ve been living with for so long, and be what he needs. I can do that for him.

“Stop… looking at me. I don’t want you to see how broken I am…” “You are not broken.” He shifts on top of me, his movements almost panicked with how badly he’s trying to prove this to me.

And now I have to walk around like this for the rest of my life, either holding in the truth, or worrying that the people who know will look at me like a victim.

YOU ARE A SURVIVOR KYRAN. NOT A VICTIM

“Tell me what you want right now…” He writhes into me. “Anything in the fucking world, and I’ll do it for you, gorgeous.” Can you turn back time, Aviel??

“Okay… One more in your warm, tight cunt.”

“I’m gonna come in you, Ky,” he whines, gripping and pulling the elastic waistband of my jockstrap with his free hand as he moves in steady thrusts between my legs. “I’m gonna fill you deep…” “Breed me,” I gasp. And that’s it. Game over for Avi.

I’m warm. Warm everywhere… And tranquil, in a way that only Avi can make me. See? This is specific to him. He is the only one. He’s the first, and the only.

“Seriously,” I hum, peering up at him. “All you’ve ever done is open the door for me over and over… This broken, crumbled mess. And every time, you pull me in and sit there trying to glue me back together. And you didn’t even know why I was smashed to bits in the first place.” I shake my head, resting my cheek over his heart. “You’re like…” “A masochistic Bob the Builder?” he rumbles, and I snort a laugh.

I’m in a place I never thought I’d be… Comfortable, finally, with my sexuality. Avi is the one who helped me get there. My biggest fan. I’ve finally stopped running from it… from him, and his love. It might be time that I also stopped running from myself.

He left you. He ran away again… From you. Because, as usual, you pushed too hard. You’re just too much… Too hopeless, too desperate. Chasing him over and over again, when he doesn’t want to be caught. Reclining onto my side, I sink into my own despair. But why would he tell me he loved me?? Why would he openly kiss me in front of his whole team and tell them all that he’s my boyfriend if he was just going to turn around and run from me??

“God doesn’t exist,” I seethe. “And if He does, He’s pure evil. He’s a sick, fucked-up excuse for someone who’s supposed to love the righteous and condemn the damned. Instead, it’s the other way around. Innocent children get tortured by His people and he just lets it happen! Forces them to live with it, alone and scared.”

No matter what Kyran feels he needs to do to get himself past the torment he holds, I won’t give up on us. I’ll never stop chasing him while he runs. And hopefully he knows that when he shows back up, I’ll always open the door.