Letters to the Lost (Letters to the Lost, #1)

by Brigid Kemmerer

Sometimes I feel like the girl. Sometimes I feel like the bird. Sometimes I feel like the photographer, unable to do anything but watch. Kevin Carter killed himself after he won the Pulitzer. Sometimes I think I understand why.

“What makes you so sure it’s a girl?” “The fact that you wouldn’t be sitting here mooning over a letter from a guy.

Mom used to say that a picture wasn’t worth anything if it didn’t produce a reaction, that it takes talent to capture feeling with an image.

Sometimes I think fate conspires against us. Or maybe fate conspires with us.

There’s a definition for insanity that talks about doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result.

Me -_-

When everything goes to hell around you, the only way to go is forward.

I can’t force what I’m feeling to fit between chapters two and six in some handbook dealing with the death of a loved one.

Men can be like toddlers, Juliet. Sometimes all they need is something shiny to distract them.

Im wheezing

‘the dying of the light’?”

Death of good people.

What is Dylan Thomas feeling?”

Grief

If I can’t blame fate, who else is left?

Her name is Babydoll—for real.

Were her parents freaks? Thats a messed up name...

“Do you want to go to the dance tonight?” I say to Rev. Both Kristin and Geoff stop short and stare at me. Rev seizes a piece of chicken with his chopsticks. “Only if you wear that little red sequined number I like.” “Shut up. I’m serious.”

Rev looks at me sideways. “You want to go to Homecoming?” “With Rev?” says Geoff. His food still hangs suspended between the plate and his mouth. I can see the wheels turning in his head. It’s almost comical. He’s not homophobic at all. Instead, he’s probably trying to determine if there are signs he’s missed. “Not with Rev.” I cough to cover a laugh and stab at my plate, pushing food around.

Im DYINGGGGG

“You’re really talented,” I tell him, meaning it. He was great last year, but this is miles ahead of what he was shooting last spring. “It’s almost wasted on the yearbook.” “Thanks.” He snorts. “And you’re right. Half the guys in our class won’t look past the fact that your boobs are touching.” “How about you?” I say. “Are you looking past that fact?” He gives me a crooked smile. “Maybe.”

I wonder, if I keep faking it, will I eventually believe it? A part of me worries that I’ll keep faking it and completely forget what’s real at all.

“Are you afraid of me?” he asks suddenly.

Forward much?

He attaches a steel bar to . . . something .

Is a jack. Come on

RF: Did you go back and help her? DM: Yes RF: I knew it.

HEhehehehehehe

“Never is okay, you know,” he murmurs. I draw back a bit. “What?” “You said ‘not yet.’” He looks at me. “I’ll leave it up to you. But ‘never’ is okay, too, Jules. Never is always okay.”

This is so cute help i love this bookkkkkkk

“She’s all right,” calls the man

Im so confused. She did with and uppercase and without an uppercase for that

“One day isn’t your whole life, Murph.” He waits until I look at him. “A day is just a day.”

“So he hasn’t sent you a picture of his manhood yet?”

THAT SCARED ME. I WASNT EXPECTING THAT- HELP I THREW MY KINDLE... AND STARTED WILDLY COUGHING

“Has Brandon sent you a picture of his?” “No!” Now she’s blushing. “Knowing him, it would be artfully framed, with perfect lighting and specifically placed shadows—” “Shut up!”

Im traumatized.....

I think it would be a perfect wrap shot for the cover.”

Its the one of rev... Isnt it?

You do know who I am. Find me. Grab me. Shake me. Please.

There’s not a joy the world can give like that it takes away, when the glow of early thought declines in feeling’s dull decay.’”

I need to get it together. This is why people avoid me. Someone asks if I want a drink and I have a panic attack. “You’re okay.” Declan is beside me, and his voice is low and soft, the way it was in the foyer. He’s so hard all the time, and that softness takes me by surprise. I blink up at him. “You’re okay,” he says again. I like that, how he’s so sure. Not Are you okay? No question about it. You’re okay. He lifts one shoulder in a half shrug. “But if you’re going to lose it, this is a pretty safe place to fall apart.” He takes two cookies from the plate, then holds one out to me. “Here. Eat your feelings.”

“Am I stronger than you thought I was?” “You’re exactly as strong as I thought you were.”

“Mr. Bradford, we’re taking her upstairs now. An obstetrics nurse will meet you on the seventh floor—”

Miscarriage?

“I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.” I can’t remember the last time I felt like the master of my own fate.

RF:

Rowan and rev have the same initials...

You want to hate the whole year? Fine. But May twenty-fifth was one day. There are three hundred sixty-four other ones.”

May 25. The day my mother was killed in a hit-and-run crash.

OH SHIZ

I need her. More than anything right now. I need her. And because of everything between us, I can’t have her.

*sobs*

“So you’re the boy Marisol keeps telling me she’s going to marry.” I cough. “Well. You know. We’re taking it slow.”

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA marisol is like 2 or 3

She’s the fiercest girl I’ve ever met, but I want to sit in the dark and hold her hand to show her she’s not alone.

Mind? I could talk to you forever.

DM: Please, Rev. I need you. He responds immediately. RF: I’m here. DM: Can I come over? RF: Always.

I wish my best friend lived closer. MAYLEEEEEE WHEN WE'RE OLDER WE'RE GONNA MOVE IN TGGGGGG

Take everything, I want to say. I don’t need any of it. I need you.

Hit me right there. Oh gosh

It’s Ian. Mom’s editor. He’s shirtless, holding her against him. Her face is turned up, nuzzling into his neck. I think of my father, moving through a fog for months. She was cheating on him. She was cheating.

NAUR OMG WHAT

She came home early, exactly like I’d begged her to do. She came home three days early. Just not to be with us.

Holy frick. Holy frick. HOLY FRICK

“But I was here for those three days. And I’ll be here for all the other days, as long as you need me.”

Im actually crying so hard rn

One who has unreliable friends may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.’” Most people look at Rev like they can’t figure him out and they’re not sure if he’s worth the effort. Mrs. Hillard just raises her eyebrows. “I might need more coffee if we’re going to start reciting Proverbs.”

“I like you.” “I like you, too.” “I’ve liked you since the morning you ran into me.” I giggle and try to shove him away, but he uses the motion to pull us closer. “You have not,” I say. “I have,”

“You were the first person to see all of me, Juliet. The first person who made me feel like I was worth more than a reputation and a record. That’s the hardest part of losing Cemetery Girl. I don’t know if anyone will look at me that same way again.” I draw back and put both hands against his chest, then slide them upward until I find his jaw. He looks away. “I see all of you,” I say. “And I’m looking at you that way now.” He takes my hand, puts it over his heart, and holds it there. His eyes close. “You’re killing me, Juliet.” “Look at me,” I say. He looks at me. “You can’t make your own path with your eyes closed,” I tease. “Watch me.” Then he leans in and captures my mouth with his.