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phantom-inside-alien-flesh.
Her journals had become the place she recorded all her stories of affect, of impossible closeness, of emotion. None of that language would be acceptable for a peer-reviewed scientific publication, though, and the drafts she typed up for the cloud drive leaned toward the cleanly clinical. What language could communicate the longing for a future she’d felt without stooping to anthropomorphizing—or, without giving the appearance of having done so to a derisive colleague? Bringing standpoint into an otherwise quantitative project was one thing, but it was another to be too free with her emotions
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The suburban solitude roused an itchy, marrow-deep loneliness that nothing in her life had been able to fill.
“But seeing how you treat your team, and the wolf pack, and the research itself makes me aware that—maybe, I’m on the same tier. I’m an object; you consume me, use me to build yourself up, put me in your story. Do you even know what course I’m teaching this term, or what I’m revising when I’m at the office? Do you read my work anymore?”
“Sometimes I’m not sure you see anyone besides yourself as a person,” she said.
Fighting a strange skin hunger, Sean ended up spending two hours awkwardly pillowed beside Miller on his dog bed.
wolf behavior fr
Each chance to be close might be the last. Her thoughts clipped through suffocating image-recall-smell of lost siblings. She had no room to be scared for herself with the youngest to watch after. Territory had been bounded on all sides by mowed-down open spaces that rebounded with raucous noise. The waters tasted of metal, and the woods were desolate even before the cold came. No future, none that she or the pack-mother could imagine; nonetheless, they strove toward it.
She’s worried all the time about the others, and feels—nostalgia, I would call it, or yearning for a better future she knows isn’t going to happen. It’s almost like fantasizing? And dread too, of inevitability despite the comfort of the fantasy. It’s such a complex set of emotions, I almost can’t describe it.
