Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids

by Kim John Payne

Mental and emotional clarification and improvement of motor skills (a kind of mental “practicing” of movements) take place as we sleep, and some feel sleep helps maintain homeostasis in the brain. The immune system doesn’t work properly without sleep, and we know that lack of sleep impairs speech, memory, and innovative, flexible thinking.

We buy toys with a degree of compulsiveness that children pick up on. What does it say to them? As the mountain of toys in their room grows, it also speaks. It speaks as loudly as advertisements, and its messages are the same,

that natural ability can be derailed by having too many things to choose from, too much “stuff.” Nothing in the middle of a heap can be truly valued. The attention that a child could and would devote to a toy is shortened, and eclipsed by having too many. Instead of expanding their attention, we keep it shallow and unexercised by our compulsive desire to provide more and more and more.

Less is more. No special toys, or quantity of toys, are necessary to develop a child’s imagination. Children use and grow their imaginations quite naturally. They need only time to do so. Plenty of open-ended time and mental ease.

As you decrease the quantity of your child’s toys and clutter, you increase their attention and their capacity for deep play.

If the entire house is cluttered, with every surface covered, every cranny crammed, then your streamlined, simplified child’s room will not last. Some form of homeostasis among the rooms will develop—either their room will reclutter, or its simplicity will provide your inspiration for decluttering elsewhere. However it happens, the more consistent you can be in simplifying throughout the house, the more wholeheartedly your commitment will be understood and embraced.

But the unavoidable (and liberating) first step is to throw many of them out.

Ask yourself, “Is this a toy my child can pour their imagination into,

The trend toward more high-tech toys speaks to the presumed need for more and more stimulation to hold a child’s attention.

It asserts that play requires products and that parents must constantly increase the quantity and complexity of toys to capture their children’s attention. In a world as sped-up and hypercharged as our own, surely the last thing our children need is more stimulation.

Early childhood is a period of exploration and sensory development. Toys that feel good and are made of natural materials invite exploration. With the prevalence of cheap, plastic toys on the market, it is easy to gather dozens and dozens of them without much effort. However, when divesting your home of toy and clutter overload, you can be selective. Consider the sensory and aesthetic beauty of those you keep.

you want to dramatically limit the visual clutter.

By keeping the toys low—at a child’s level—and movable (that is, in baskets or carts that can be pulled out), you are inviting a child’s participation in cleanup.

How many toys can your child (depending on their age) put away, by themselves, in five minutes? Let that be your guide.

Moving away from things and toward experiences, we can be indulgent with time and opportunities for exploration.

A mix of toys should definitely be part of a child’s world of play. It just shouldn’t be the overwhelming center.

By establishing a consistent level of “enough” (simplicity) rather than too much (overload), we leave room for our children—room for their imaginations and inspirations, room for them to build relationships with the things that they play with or read.